The Sunny Side of Life!

I am moved, & you need to change your blogroll link

2010-02-14T12:19:00.001-08:00

I am now here:

http://thesunnylife.com/

My new site

2010-02-06T10:00:00.001-08:00

You can find me here:

http://thesunnylife.com/

Blogger Kills My Work Computer

2010-02-05T18:14:00.000-08:00

AND wasn't even commenting. I was simply reading a Blogger blog. It totally killed my work computer. They spent half the day trying to clear the virus, and once they realized they couldn't, the next 2 hours configuring a new pc for me. It was AWFUL, including the internet porn sites that was the only thing it would do when you tried to click on anything (even not on the internet.) ugh.

so, I have to leave Blogger. And I won't be reading/responding to Blogger blogs while at work anymore. (only nights/weekends/pre-dawn.) I do NOT have time to be dealing with this, this weekend. I'll be moving to wordpress.org. If I can figure it out. It's a hodge podge because this Blogger is linked to my domain, and I'm not sure how that will work. godaddy.com has some good stuff, but I'm waiting to hear back from them. My blogfairy graphics might disappear for a while until I can get this whole mess sorted out. Sorry I wasn't able to visit anyone today. (after about 8 am my time when it happened.) And I'll have to probably spend what internet time I have tonight/this weekend working on this change.

ah hell. Now wordpress.com deactivated my temporary blog for some reason I cannot fathom. :(

Sad times. :(

eta: OK, I've created a wordpress.org site, which has to have a separate (dedicated?) host, and a domain. Here's my new site:

http://thesunnylife.com/

I have imported the posts and comments from here over to it. Next step is working on re-creating the sidebar, and get the Blog Fairy to fix the custom header/background/etc. This is gonna take a while, because I'm going to be gone from 11 am to about 6 pm tomorrow/Saturday...

sad.grim.pathetic.

BUT, I'll get there!

Thanks for your patience...

Super Bowl Food Land mines: who will really win the game? You or the Food?

2010-02-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

OK, that is too damned adorable! If I had more people coming over, I'd attempt to make that. LOL

Anyhow, "the big game" is Sunday. Many of you may not be interested, view it, or participate in the annual food and drink gorging associated with the Super Bowl. But for those of you who are/do....it's a land mine, isn't it? Well, it certainly is this year as we try to avoid junk food. But the Super Bowl is about junk food every bit as much as it is about the NFL championship football game and awesome new commercials. The question is, how will we handle it, those of us who will be watching? Whether we are hosting an event (I am, albiet small)...or attending a party, or simply viewing it at home with loved ones (that's me, my small family get together, but I'm turning it into a party.) Do we serve/eat/avoid the junk food, or tip toe through it? Well, here's my game plan:

1. Having my mom, my oldest daughter, and oldest grandson over.

2. turning it into the party, because we are playing a few typical football betting games for which I have small, football-related prizes for the winners. Five winners in all. Five people, but not a one-prize-per-person set up. Technically, one person could win all 5 gifts. Not likely, but possible.

So how am I doing this? I'm going to have a mix of junk and healthy foods. I'm planning on serving:

1. shrimp cocktail. This is healthy food. And uber delicious.

2. BBQ wings. OK, not great, but by no means hideous junk food. Some nutritional value, if not over-indulged

3. my hot dip. It calls for bean dip, sour cream (I use light), cream cheese (I use light), salsa, chopped chives, (all mixed together) and topped with cheese (I use light) and cooked until bubbly. Served with tortilla chips. (I'm also serving celery sticks with it.) I obviously am making this as low-cal as possible, and if I stick to mostly celery stick dipping, it shouldn't be a deal-breaker for me or anyone else claiming (haha-my eldest daughter) to wanting to lose weight.

4. Pizza rolls. Per Mr. Sunny's request. They hold NO charm for me. No temptation whatsoever.

5. later, the meal will be homemade carne asada. No tortillas for me, but they'll be available for everyone else.

6. Dessert: brownie bites, and homemade Peanut butter Rice Krispy treats with a topping of chocolate chips and butterscotch chips melted together and spread on top. Mr. Sunny requested those. Brownie bites are my choice. I imagine I'll have 2-3 brownie bites, and maybe, maybe, a one inch square of the treat. We'll see.

Drinks: BYOB. I'll be having 1-2 Michelob Ultra beers, and plenty of decaf home-brewed tropical iced tea.

So, as you can see, there is a nice mix of dietary choices I'm serving. I'm not going to be a Saint: they are all playing on the field. hahahahaha (football fans will get that, the rest of you....not so much.)

I could play the martyr, but I'm not gonna. Not to my family/guests, and not to myself. I will work towards being the Portions Queen on Sunday. I will avoid the pitfalls (too many chips, too much dessert), and focus on the more healthy choices. I will enjoy the get together more, and remove the food from being the focus for me. Part of living a healthy life is focusing more on group gathering comraderie, and less on the food in front of you. That's simple enough. And when you are tempted (and you and I will be, over and over again) to grab that extra whatever that, in our hearts, we KNOW is wrong for us AND our long term goals, to think about how we will feel on Monday. and Tuesday. And Wednesday. IS the 30 seconds or less of eating that temptation WORTH days of paying for it? hmmmm? IS IT?

NO. No, no, a MILLION times no. REMEMBER THAT as your hand reaches out beyond a tolerable amount. When you start to enter that MORE THAN I SHOULD BE EATING terrritory, DON'T DO IT.

Remember to stay true to your goals!!! You'll be a much, much happier and proud camper, come Monday, if you do!

Hide & Seek with Happiness

2010-02-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

You know, when I got the Happiness Blog Award, I was in a rush that day and didn't really put the time it deserved into listing 10 things that make me happy. NOT that the ten things I listed didn't/don't make me happy; they all do. But I want to put more into that, now. I want to talk about attitude, and happiness. About choosing, consciously or not, whether to live a happy life (with whatever life gives you), or choosing (consciously or not) to struggle daily for something that always seems right out of one's grasp. Because truly, it IS a choice. Whether you consider it the old 'glass have full or half empty', the euphemism is true. We choose our state of mind. I'll take it a step further: NOT choosing a state of mind is the same as choosing one. Granted, due to biochemicals or simply shitty luck, some people seem to be pre-destined to have a crappy attitude/outlook, while others seem to be wearing rose-colored glasses no matter what. But everyone, EVERYONE has a choice. If you truly believe you don't have a choice, then get thyself post-haste to a doctor and see about being medically treated. But for most of us, it's a combination of life events (big and small), and attitude. You can be happy, and even on crappy days, make the best of bad situations, or....you can be unhappy and bitch and moan about everything, even the good stuff. Sure, sometimes we get swallowed up in events and our attitude can morph away from what it normally is. At those times, I think we need to find a safe, quiet place as soon as humanly possible, go within, work a few things out, calm ourselves (in non-food ways), and get a little closer back to center so that we can enjoy life a little better. THAT, my friends, is why our list of ten things that make us happy IS so important. We ought to all take the time to really do this little exercise, and then print and clip our list and keep it close in times of emotional need, as a mini 'basket list' of things to aim to do As.Soon.As.Possible. For that reason, I suggest listing things that are doable, and doable in a short time frame. So that we can grab one of them and do them when we most emotionally need it to work our way back towards the center, emotionally.

So, without further ado, here is my revised list of Ten Things That Make Me Happy:

1. a catnap. Preferrably with a nice afghan tucked around me. With or without a dog (or two) cuddled up against me.

2. Swinging. I LOVE TO SWING. Get myself to a park, grab an empty swing, and just swing. Feel the cool or warm breeze in my hair, get high enough to lean back, close my eyes, and LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

3. Sit near enough to the ocean, shaded (because I'm lily white LOL), and close my eyes occasionally to better appreciate the calming nature of the sound of ocean waves. The view is always wonderful, but the sound....oh how the sound draws me in and brings a sense of peace and belonging to me. Like truly nothing else. That's why our 'white noise' air machine by the bed is always set to "waves."

4. Light a nicely scented (Yankee) candle, put on some soft playing "smooth jazz", and curl up with a good book. A fiction book. Non-fiction won't do. Preferrably out in the shade of my patio, on our uber comfortable wicker and cushioned patio furniture. (remind me to post a picture some day of it. I chose it, instead of a trip to Italy, once. Because I knew, over time, I'd get much more gratification from it than a brief trip to Italy.)

5. A good, warm cup of decaf Seattle's Best, with 1 Equal packet and a dollop of sugar-free Hazelnut Coffemate creamer.

6. TV. I love TV. I have so many favorites, and even when none of them are on, I can turn to HGTV and have a blast. Sometimes for hours on end.

7. Read your blogs. I'm always warmed, and often times motivated, by you, my friends. :)

8. Dance. Nine months later, countless thousands of hours logged doing it for exercise, and I still LOVE.TO.DANCE.

9. Enjoy breaking "bread" with my girlfriends, my husband, or my family. I have finally realized it really DOESN'T matter WHAT we are eating. What matters is enjoying quality time together. Laughing, and just enjoying our time together.

10. Finding artistic ways to entertain myself. I love photography, I love creating custom silk flower arrangements....but as I write this, I realize I need to discover a new means. But I want it to be something that allows me to create something that someone can use; me or someone I care about. Knitting or crochet are first to come to my mind, but I don't think so. I'm actually, for the first time, thinking about jewelry making. I think I need to research that. I don't mind an initial outlay of money, but I don't want to spend a huge sum. Perhaps jewelry making won't be it. But now, as of this moment, I am in the hunt. I love doing web design/graphics, but the artistic abilities to actually draw, did not get passed down to me from my maternal side (which actually boasts two artists-for-money aunts.) But I need to spend some time, going within my heart, and then researching, my options. I need this.

See? Create your own list of things you can do, easily and cheaply, and nothing that will hurt your health....to bring yourself within, bring joy to your life, bring you back to center. Your own Zen list, if you will.

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

Owning My Evil: Today is a Splurge Day!

2010-02-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

Here's why today is a splurge day:

1. my boss is 'paying off' a bet this morning; bringing any Starbuck's coffee beverage of my choice to me. Now, I AM choosing a skinny caramel latte, which will range from 100-130 calories, depending upon the size he brings me. So it's not an awful splurge, but, it's clearly 100-130 calories I don't normally have. I'm going to eat only 3 almonds this morning instead of my normal 16-18. That ought to make up for most of the calories.

2. I'm going to lunch with three girlfriend co-workers at a local restaurant that specializes in what they call an Irish Sundae. It's a baked potato loaded with butter, sauteed mushrooms, prime roast beef, and topped with chives. AND DAMMIT, I'M GOING TO HAVE IT! I haven't had a (whole) baked potato since LAST APRIL. I've been there since then, but always ordered a salad, dressing on the side. TODAY, I plan on having the Irish Sundae. Not holding back on anything. simply.enjoying.it. Period.

Now, I probably won't have dinner. But I might. Mr. Sunny is grilling chicken breasts with BBQ, and I really don't want to miss that. So unless I'm still stuffed (a distinct possibility), I'll probably have at least the chicken breast. I'll probably only have 1 Nugget tonight instead of 2. I won't get my half hour of dancing in at lunch, obviously, so I'll need to do at least 45 min. tonight. But, other than that, I'm simply going to indulge today. It won't kill me. Oh sure, I might see a momentary gain of a pound, even two, but it won't kill me. I'll hop right back on the horse tomorrow and get back to my normal regimen. But today, I just

WANT.TO.SPLURGE.

I own my evil. LOL

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals! (she said, trying not to feel everso slightly guilty.)

Hey, once in a while, a girl just has to have fun. One loaded baked potato in nine months ain't gonna kill me, or my overall plans/journey/success.

Obsession

2010-02-02T08:13:00.000-08:00

And I'm not talking the perfume. I'm talking the 'mindset.' You know, like above. It seems to me that first I was obsessed with eating, now, seventy pounds lighter I still am, but just different types of food. Sure, now it's healthy food, instead of just what seems tastiest and available at the moment. Still, I feel every bit as obsessed with food now, as I was when I was really fat. In some ways, even more. Because now the obsession about calories/carbs is where it wasn't before; totally in the picture now, too. I AM healthier, but sometimes I wonder if I'm really any mentally healthier, you know? I have read enough about you guys to know you feel this now and again, too. So what's the deal?

Well, part of the deal is that the world we now live in REWARDS obsessive behavior, to a degree. Check email. Check voicemail. Turn on a computer to check for instant voting results. Instantaneous news. In our careers, we spend a LOT of time doing just one or two things; we are all so specialized now. And we are rewarded for it! Being a workaholic is still a 'holic' and indicates obsession. TV can create instant panic. If we miss a day's worth of blogs, we feel out of touch. We can hit the refresh button over and over until the Oscar nominations are posted, scores are updated, etc. etc. etc. The world's computers now totally feed our obsessive personalities. Even if we didn't want to be obsessive or didn't have those tendencies, we live in a world now that feeds it.

But, as above, it's not necessarily bad. Being organized, up-to-date and methodical are good things. Being a slacker is a bad thing. The line between pathological and acceptable forms of the same behavior is a very hazy thing, especially when it comes to obsession.

So what do we do with our obsessive tendencies? If we've been a food addict, in whatever form, and manage to gain control and lose all of the extra weight, but still obsess about the number on the scale or the calories or 'point' count for the day....we are still obsessed. We are just exhibiting it in different manners. But if the current manner supports a healthy weight, even if it might not be 100% mentally healthy, is it ok? Where do we draw THAT line?

I don't know. I'm just asking. And trying to work myself into this new world that is hazy between needing/wanting to lose that last 10-15 pounds, and so-called maintenance for life. Numbers still matter, still count. I think, frankly, they will always matter and count. I'm not a naturally thin person by nature. I'll always need to be on top of the numbers. It's a control issue for sure, as well. I guess I'm asking, is it "okay" to be obsessed with my calories? At what point does taking care of my health/weight spill over into caring too much? Being "too" obsessed with the numbers, the food, or the results? I honestly don't know. I don't have the answers.

Caution! Losing lots of weight makes your arms shorter!

2010-02-01T10:01:00.000-08:00

Or something like that. LOL Anyhow, all of my size medium sweaters? The arms are too long. About 1-2 inches too long. I think I know why: my upper arms aren't as fat, so they don't hold up more sweater. It's pretty clear that any new sweaters will now need to be petite size. I prefer the longer length of regular sweaters, but folding up the sleeves is stoopid. LOL Nice problem, kinda, though, to have!

Other than that, don't have much. I am wearing my new size 6 petite slacks; they fit fine. So does the new bra. However, I guess I screwed up and got hip hugger panties at VS instead of briefs. I don't like them riding so low. And I already washed all of them. :( My bad. I think, since I can't return them (?), I will save them for shorts season. I ordered the right briefs online.

THANK YOU, June, for the Happy 101 Blog Award!

The rules are: post ten things that make me happy, and try to do one of them each day. And pass it on to ten other bloggers.

My ten:

1. snuggling with my husband

2 and 3: laughing with either of my two grandsons

4 and 5: having lunch with either of my two daughters

6. Friday lunches with the girls at work

7. enjoying sunsets (the pretty ones)

8. enjoying a warm fire

9. listening to the waves

10. Slowly, deliciously, eating a milk chocolate Nugget

ALL of you are deserving of this award, but this time, I'll pass it on to:

Anna

Renee

Sunny Daze

Lola Fierce

Mary (The Inner Weigh)

Lynn (needs the pick-me-up?)

Tiffany

Ann (99 Pounds)

Rebecca

Waisting Time

Everyone, have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

Finally! 130's in my rear view mirror!!!!

2010-01-31T13:41:00.000-08:00

It's about time! Only took 3 full weeks to break the plateau!!! I'm a full pound lighter than yesterday, clocking in at 129.8! And that included 2 chili dogs for dinner last night! (ok, they were 'lite' hot dogs, and only 1/2 C of chili, and no buns, but still!) I was meticulous with my calories, and they came in right at 1,300.

GOOD BYE 130's!!!! Saw way too much of you! I hope I can lose another 1-1.5 pounds this week, so I have some wiggle room for Super Bowl Sunday. Whether or not, I'm already planning the menu to be very much inclusive of great low-carb snacks that I love. A few other things for those not low carbing, but c'est la vie. I'm just tickled pink to finally break this plateau!

We are grilling steaks tonight. I've created my own marinade. IF it tastes good, I'll print the ingredients tomorrow. LOL

Well, off to clean the house, since I'll be babysitting grand-toddler Jack most of next Saturday, and this is the best chance to clean everything for the mini Super Bowl party.

Have a great rest of your weekend! Stay true to your goals!

Shopping for clothes is fun now!

2010-01-30T08:11:00.000-08:00

That's one of the 5 tops I bought last night! Plus 2 Daisy Fuentes short-sleeved, form-fitting knit tops. Here's one of them:

the other one was in a dark, chocolate brown.

Plus, 2 pairs of the jeans I love: they are going out, and I wanted to snag every one they had in my size.

I have to tell you, the form-fitting knit tops and especially the printed tops are SO not me! (well, not FAT Sunny!) I have worn nothing, exclusively nothing but dark-colored solid J.C. Penney tops for at least half a dozen or more (fat) years. NOTHING to draw attention to my fatness. (Like dark clothes can hide the obesity. Well, at least I was hoping dark (most black) solid tops were masking it a bit.) So to be buying form-fitting knit (thin rib sweater) tops AND bold prints, with a mini belt, are SO SO not like me! Let alone the brand Daisy Fuentes! I felt like a kid in the candy store! And to be buying the SMALLEST size petite jeans they had? WOW! I could've bought more, but I only had so much of my clothes cash with me. LOL

Stein Mart is having a big sale today, too. I'm going to hit them, either before or after Victoria's Secret. woo hoo!!!!!

Weight wise, I'm "back down" to 130.8. I got as high as 131.2 on Wed., but pulled the reigns back in from the 1,500 calorie extravangza's I'd been on, back to 1,200. I'm comfortable at 1,200, with the occasional 1,500 day here or there. So that's where I'm gonna 'live.' :)

So, fun clothes shopping this morning, a quick trip to the market for weekend food on the way home, and then late this afternoon we are going to see Avatar again, but this time in 3-D. I'm a little nervous about that; I've NEVER seen a good 3-D flick, but I'm hearing this is amazing, (first time we saw it non-3-D) so we are gonna take the chance.

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

Something Worth Celebrating!!!!

2010-01-29T07:58:00.000-08:00

I've been wearing size 8 Petites in my work slacks, but they've been feeling a tad loose for a week or two. (weight exactly the same) So I got brave, and ordered one in a size 6 petite. I figured, worse comes to worse, they will be my motivation pants. Well, they arrived yesterday, and they fit PERFECTLY! Not tight at all! I NOW AM A SIZE SIX FOR SURE!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I am sooooooooooooo jazzed! (as you can tell. LOL)

My one pair of jeans (bought before Xmas) are a tad loose, too. I'm going back to Kohl's after work and try on a smaller size, if they have it. (I think this particular style of Lee is going out, so they might not have all sizes.) And tomorrow, it's time I finally bite the bullet and buy new bras and panties. After 71'ish pounds, I deserve it! I've pulled the straps as high as feels comfortable; time to get a more stylish, certainly smaller style bra. And move into size small Victoria Secret panties!

Does it get better than this? I don't think so!!!! Well, yes it does! I have a $50 Victoria Secret's gift card, so the bulk of those panties will be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! hehehe

And tomorrow, we are going to see Avatar, for the 2nd time. I can't wait! If you haven't seen it: GO SEE IT. Best movie ever!

Beyond that, gotta clean the house for the Super Bowl. Even though it's a week away, next Saturday I'm babysitting my youngest grandson most of the day, so won't be time to do it then.

I also hope to break the 130-131 trap this weekend, or for sure sometime next week, because I'd love to have a pound or two for Super Bowl Sunday. LOL

Have a great weekend, and stay true to your goals!

Own Your Evil

2010-01-28T07:43:00.000-08:00

We all do it. You know what I'm talking about: a little bit here, a tiny piece there. The degree to which we do it...is in direct proportion to how overweight we are. Own your evil. And that means not just talking about it; it means DOING something about it! It's the first step on the road to Snitch Recovery.™

Happy Hump Day!

2010-01-27T08:22:00.000-08:00

No, my ass isn't fat. Anymore. I just love that cartoon, though. I remember the days of thinking if I ate a muffin, it was less fattening than a cupcake. Yeah, right. I hope you guys know that bran muffins are like so awful for you unless they are uber low-fat or non-fat versions. Seriously!

Well, weighed for the first time since Saturday. EXACTLY the same. And given how much I ate on Sunday, I'm actually considering it a loss. LOL So, I have that going for me.

Today I'm being taken out to lunch by a vendor. I'll be good. However/and/but, tonight there is a sad going away party for a really good friend/co-worker. At the most up-scale Mexican restaurant I've ever been to. I'll have one Michelob Ultra, then switch to iced tea. If I have any chips/salsa, it will be three tops. We'll see. I won't be eating dinner. I will be doing a half hour of dance before I head over. (I normally get off at 4:30, but the party doesn't start until 5:30 and there is no time to go home first.) So at least I'll get 30 min. in today. 'tis what it is.

Don't have much more than that. Just same ol, same ol. Hope you guys are doing well.

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

Growth is a Pendulum

2010-01-26T08:27:00.000-08:00

My degree is in early childhood education. (even though I don't "use" it any more.) Perhaps the greatest thing I ever learned (that has been useful throughout life) is that learning is a pendulum. Anyone who is learning, swings wildly from one side to another, before settling somewhere in the middle. Oh, oh, how true this is! It speaks to the 'two steps forward, one step back" concept. We learn a little, we regress, we learn from our regressing and move a little more forward. We go gung ho onto a subject or project, swing a bit wildly back to where we were, and hopefully settle somewhere in the middle. I think it also relates to the whole ying/yang of life. Light vs. darkness. Male vs. female. Good vs. evil. Life isn't just black and white. It isn't even just shades of gray; it's a beautiful rainbow of color somewhere in the middle.

How does this relate to me, this blog, my healthy living journey? Globally, and yet, very specifically. I originally planned to talk today about my being on the cusp. Astrologically, that refers to someone who's birthday falls right in the middle between two astrological signs. Right now, I'm referring to my relationship with my scale, and the numbers of my weight. I've swung on the pendulum, BIG TIME. I started out swung so far to one side that although I owned a scale, I never used it. I looked at it every day, but never ever stepped on it. Anytime I did, I was horrified, so I decided to just not do it. To just hide from reality, really. I think all of us who have become massively overweight (60 or more pounds overweight?) do that. We don't want to face reality. Honestly, if I wasn't needing to see my doctor every 6 weeks-3 months for a blood pressure check up, (because it was so out of control) I would have had no idea how much I weighed. And ohhhh, how I dreaded those check-ups, because they ALWAYS started with the scale. I'd wear the lightest clothes and shoes I could. I'd make sure I was totally fasting. It was RIDICULOUS the lengths I would go to...to fudge the numbers on that scale. Seriously. I'd even try to diet the week or two before: anything to drop that number a couple of pounds if I could. Well, anything except CHANGE MY LIFE. Geesh. So that was one far, far, out there swing of my pendulum.

Then, in April, I decided enough was enough. I got fed up enough, finally, to really DO THIS. I dedicated myself full time to this new journey. I'm sure those around me feel I've been totally diet/dancing obsessed these past 9 months. Suddenly, what the scale said to me every single morning was vital. I HAD to weigh in every morning. At least once. If I didn't, I had no PROOF that I had been "successful" the day before. When I caught my old scale being too unreliable (several steps on the scale, in succession, giving different readings each time)...I kicked it to the curb and bought a brand new one recommended by Shelley. Weighing in was important, no PARAMOUNT, to me for two reasons:

1. it held me accountable

2. it gave me instant results

Worse than that, in the days leading up to my official "start date", I determined a weight I wanted to achieve. Although part of it was based on the BMI info for my weight and height and sex alone, it didn't take into account anything else, scientifically. Then, I took that healthy range, and picked just about the lowest number in that range as my goal: 115 pounds. Arbitrary much, Sunny?

I have mentioned here that I know I have an addictive personality. Well, I became addicted with:

1. my weight that day. every day.

2. getting to 115

3. as fast as possible

4. the praise as my weight loss started to become noticeable

So, my pendulum did a full 180 and swung completely to the other side. I was obsessed with that damn scale, what it told me, and an arbitrary number I deemed ideal for me.

Yesterday, I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. That obsession had to stop. I had to start swinging back to the middle. To mental and emotional health. I had to give up the numbers and arbitrary goal obsessions, and if I had to be addicted to anything, be addicted to good health. Period. PERIOD. But can one turn off an addiction overnight? Of course not. There is a transition period, as that mental pendulum of growth/learning works it's way to the center. A pendulum doesn't, on its own, just suddenly stop in the middle. It's a process. Just like starting the healthy journey was a process, accepting that I have ARRIVED, and starting to learn and feel comfortable with being in "maintenance" is a process too. I don't just turn off the obsessions with a light switch. I have to work into it. The pendulum is still swinging. But I do feel more in control (and those of you growing close to me know that I'm a control freak. LOL) I am a little better today than I was yesterday. Yes, there is kind of a sense of loss at not having that "I'm 115! I did it!" moment. But, that's not to say it still won't happen, somewhere down the road. I'm just not going to obsess with that or any other number, as long as I'm still in the healthy range. I have to take the energy I devoted to that previous goal, and put it into learning how to adjust to a lifetime of maintenance. That becomes the new goal, the new focus. It's kind of scary. I have never been successful at maintenance. But that said, I've never lost 70 pounds before, nor taken nine months to do it. (my previous best was 60 lbs. lost in 4 months: crazy I know...in my early-mid 40s.) I also never had a blog, or developed a cadre of friends from said blogging, and I never had the mindset back then that I do now. I know my 115 number was to protect me from failure. The more I lost, the more I'd have to gain back to be a failure at dieting. But I think I've come far enough that I don't really have to worry about that. So I can be kinder with myself re any so-called goal weight. I'm healthy. For 58, I feel and look good. What more could I ask for? Maintenance, hello! Let's get acquainted, because it's going to be you and me for the rest of my life!!!

Time to (re) Focus!

2010-01-25T08:13:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that's me. Needing to get my head back on straight and focus on what's important. And that means NOT some arbitrary number I pulled out of my you-know-where and deemed my 'perfect weight.' That makes about as much sense as jumping off a bridge because someone tells you it's a good idea. LOL

For whatever reason, my body is needing to stay at this weight (of 130-130.8) for right now. Whether it's being stubborn or feels it's starving or needs time to adjust, I don't know. I never will. I can either go on fighting it, or just accept it. What I DO need to do, immediately, is stop obsessing with a totally arbitrary number. To that end, I'm no longer weighing myself daily for the time being. Wednesdays and my normal Saturday weekly weigh-ins, only. That will help take the focus off a number, and back on simply being healthy.

That's not to say I don't still want to try to get to 115-120. I do. But whether it happens by any pre-determined date, or not, simply is not going to be the issue any more. Whether this is the "last ten pounds are the hardest to lose", or simply my body saying at 58 and post menopausal that this is as low as is healthy for me, or my body saying it just needs to adjust more to a 70 lb. loss...I simply don't know right now. But this obsession with weight loss and a specific number when I already have achieved a healthy BMI and am wearing a mix of size small and mediums is, in a word, ridiculous. I accept that. I have to re-focus on health. So I will.

No more mixing up calorie levels etc etc etc ad nauseum. It seems so artificial. I ate probably 1,700-1,800 calories yesterday, and had that level of fullness that I HATE. How can that be good for me? Just to 'shake up the system' to drop a few more pounds? If I feel comfortable at 1,200-1,400 calories, then that's where I'm going to stay. If that allows more weight loss; excellent! If that's my maintenance load, I need to accept that too. I won't keep/start playing games with my body to jump start it beyond where it feels comfortable. I can understand and accept doing that if one is still overweight and is doing it to reach that healthy goal, but I'm there. My weight is now normal. My health is no longer jeopardized by my weight. In that respect, I AM at goal! I wanted to be thin. I wanted a 15-20 lb. cushion. That was, I see now, my paranoia about being able to keep the pounds off. It wasn't based on what was necessarily healthy for me; it was based out of fear and mistrust of myself.

This is a major break-through for me. I don't feel it's giving up on my goals. I feel it's taking a good, long, hard look at myself and what my goals were and the motivation behind those goals, and determining what's actually best for myself. Real world. Not fantasy world. Maybe, someday, after some more adjustment time, my body will allow me to reach 115-120. Maybe it won't. But I'm not going to obsess about it anymore. Fret about it anymore. Get pissed off about it anymore. That's so mentally and emotionally detrimental to my own well being. What's the point of getting healthy, physically, if I don't get or stay mentally and emotionally healthy, you know?

So I'm dropping the artificially, arbitrarily determined weight number goal. My goal is to continue to eat and move to stay healthy. Find ways to eat even more healthy. Work on firming up what little jelly skin this process has brought me. (which frankly, isn't nearly as bad as I feared it would be.) Basically, stop sweating the numbers game that I artificially induced upon myself anyhow.

So, I now claim myself AT GOAL, and in maintenance. JUST.LIKE.THAT.

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals! Just don't be afraid, every now and then, to reassess them and make sure they are wise goals to have. LOL

Going in Circles...

2010-01-24T10:04:00.000-08:00

Yep, those .2 lbs (ounces, whatever) showed right back up! I must've dipped below 1,200 calories yesterday, despite 2 full beef BBQ'd ribs, and two Nuggets for dessert. Ah well, another day, another opportunity. I thought for sure this morning would see 129.x. Especially since I did a full 45 minute dancing stretch yesterday afternoon. (I seem to get better results on a 45 min. stint as compared to two 30 minute stints. I guess it's the extended time in one "sitting", even though overall, it's less time...?) Didn't work this time.

Am I frustrated? Damned right I am, Skippy. Still, as you can tell, I'm keeping my spirits and humor up and runnin. My body is apparently like a small child: I can be the 'parent' and tell my body what to do and guide it and control it, but it still has a "mind" very much of its own. LOL I guess I have to respect that independent spirit. Even when it ticks me off.

LOL Definitely, my body is needing to stay at this weight, for whatever reason. I'll try to bump back up to 1,300-1,400 calories today. See how that goes. Maybe enjoy a 2nd Michelob Ultra during the playoff games today, instead of just one. LOL

Other than that, I've got nuthin. It's a beautiful, sun-shiny day. Mr. Sunny will be planting the last bare root rose, although I was a tad disturbed to see that the roots on it were growing a bit of white mold. I tried to brush it off, before I stuck it in the tub of water for its overnight soak. Eek. And it will be going into pretty damp soil. So we'll see.

Other than that, two playoff games today to determine who goes to the Super Bowl. I'm not really partial to any of the teams involved. I'm still a woman without a team. Although I am leaning towards the SF 49'ers. We'll see. I just hope if a team is coming to the L.A. market, they announce it before Draft Day, so I can determine if it's a team I want to support, or go with remote support of SF.

Oh! And I dropped the comments widget. Although I loved inserting smileys (and you being able to), I did NOT like that I couldn't click to your blogs from your name. I also missed your faces/icons. :)

Anyhow, have a GREAT day, and stay true to your goals!

I LOVE THE BLOG FAIRY!

2010-01-23T14:35:00.000-08:00

The Blog Fairy rocks my world! When a gal is kinda down in the dumps because she's still weight plateau'ing...it was time to do something to make me feel better. I started goofing around yesterday evening, looking to replace 'my girl' because her skin was just looking so dark...one thing led to another, then I found this great graphic for the background, using my two favorite colors (peachy salmon and purple), one thing led to another another, and my own internet Hero, The Blog Fairy, pulled it ALL together, and fixed 'my girl' to boot!!! I couldn't be more jazzed! Ladies, the Blog Fairy is a force to be reckoned with. No one can make your blog look better / is so amazing at pulling together a blog look that has your own heart and soul in it than Emily, the Blog Fairy!!!

OK, calm down Sunny. Get a grip back on life. LOL

Weight. Back to weight. Well, I ate well yesterday, and probably was closer to 1,500 calories. I didn't exercise at ALL. (had a touch of knee pain and mid back pain off and on while dancing this past week, so figured the old body could use a one day respite.) What happens? I lose .2 pounds. Go figure. I'm back to 130.8. Today, had a normal weekday breakfast (half a bagel, butter with ICBINB-Lite, and my almonds.) No lunch. But having home grilled BBQ beef ribs for dinner (in celebration of no rain for the first time in 6 days! LOL) I'm gonna enjoy 2 of those suckahs. And a nice garden salad to go with it. Not sure where my calories will be. Don't much care. (that said, knowing they'll be under 1,500.) Obviously, I was dipping too low in the calories department, trying to break the plateau. Every time I DO do that (go below 1,200 calories) it bites me in the proverbial you-know-what. Apparently that was the case this week, too. Lesson reinforced, yet again. :)

Well, off to dance. Then, color my hair. Then, boil the ribs. Then, put the last unplanted bare root rose bush in a bucket of water in prep for its planting tomorrow. Still lots to do today! Hope you are all having a great weekend (or did, if you don't read this until Monday. LOL)

Stay true to your goals!

Computer Issues at Work

2010-01-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

I seem to be having a problem with Blogger blogs at work. Every time I leave a comment, it causes my computer to suddenly open innumerable new windows, and the only way to escape is to shut down completely. It's happened 6 times already this morning. It doesn't happen on my home pc, which I can run in Firefox. Can't do that at work. Soooo, I guess I'll only be commenting on your blogs at home/evenings/weekends. It doesn't seem to happen for my own blog, however. If it does, I'm going to have to seriously consider switching from Blogger. Which I really don't want to do. :( Sorry.

p.s. this isn't today's regular post. See below for that.

Dammit Dammit Dammit!!!

2010-01-22T05:59:00.000-08:00

OK, I'm officially PISSED. I ate barely, maybe 1,000 calories, sodium was NOT a problem, I pee'd and pooped normally, and I gained .2 lbs? Obviously the body is in starvation mode, although I've been at 1,200 calories consistently, and went up to 1,300-1,400 for a couple of days before the dip down to 1,100 and then 1,000...so come on. Starvation mode? Are you kidding me? This really, truly, makes no sense. Maybe my body is trying to tell me that 130 is it. Seems like I should be able to go lower: I'm 5 ft. 1 in., for God's sake. Not 5' 6" or whatever. Sure, I'm 58, but come on! 130? Are you kidding me?!?!?!

That said, nothing's changing. Meaning, the plan isn't changing. Today is Friday and we are going to lunch, and ok, this time I will eat all 4 (a measly FOUR) onion rings, instead of eating 2 and de-breading the other 2 before I eat them. I'll have a dinner instead of not. I'll make every effort to consume 1,300-1,400 calories but DAMMIT TO HELL I WILL NOT GO HIGHER. I am not going to GAIN a pound or so to lose weight. I will NOT get back into game playing with myself/my body. That's what got me in this friggin mess in the first place. I like my current diet, it's healthy, I'm sticking with it. I might get frustrated with what the scale shows me, but I'm not blaming the scale, and I'm not blaming what I'm doing. I am doing the right things. If my body wants to stall for a while re losing weight, I am going to just have to learn how to live with that, rather than beat myself up, or my program, to reach a specific number that is COMPLETELY arbitrary, anyhow. That's just stupid, and I may be many things, but a stupid woman I am NOT. So there, arbitrary number in my brain! Eff YOU. I'm continuing on the way I am, and I have half a mind to try and force myself not to step on the scale for a full week just to try and get the focus off of the stupid results it spits out to me. I clearly have to move away from a number, and just focus on this plan. Because let's face it; even if we all wake up tomorrow at our perfect, self-induced and self-inflicted "goal weight", does the program stop? Hell NO! That's why we, collectively "we" (who are perpetually overweight) become yo-yo dieters and end up regaining what we lose and often more; because we look at our weight loss programs as temporary measures, instead of lifetime journeys.

South Beach works for me. I feel GREAT on it. Regardless of a number on a scale. I'm doing this for life. Life after reaching a goal weight (should that day ever come), will simply be a matter of adding a couple hundred more calories per day...and the occasional splurge for "special events" or weekend fun. It's not suddenly allowing all of those nasty, white carbs back into my life. That's not happening. I feel too crappy when I do, let alone what it does to my body and weight. So really, the number IS just arbitrary. It might be a number I can flaunt both to the world and to my stupid little ego, but really, it's nothing more than that. Once the body reaches a healthy BMI, which I did weeks and pounds ago...the rest is arbitrary icing on the cake. And to get myself all pissed off about it, really, IS dumb. Again, I'm not a dumb woman. I can be an emotional one, and I guess, once again, I had to subject you guys to my little temper tantrum that was (I guess?) necessary to learn and move forward, but now...having HAD the temper tantrum, I can accept it's dumb and learn from it and move on.

I can't say eff the scale. I can only say "suck it up" to myself, screw my arbitrary goal weight number, and keep on truckin'. And that's what I will do. I'm going to not only get used to being 130ish (131.0 officially this morning, but whatever)....I'm going to learn to love it. Jiminy Cricket, if you had told me last April 18th that I would be at 130, I would've been tickled pink. Sure, I wanted to be at 115, but did I honestly think I'd succeed? I had serious, serious doubts. So I AM happy to be here. I DO love the way I look right now. (minus a few bags, sags, and wrinkles I didn't have before LOL). I have a boatload of money for new clothes, but I'm not spending a dime of it until I determine if this truly is as low as I'm going. Except, by the beginning of March, I need to start buying new shorts and stuff because of our trip to AZ. I won't be wearing too baggy shorts from last summer. NOE I won't. But I'll deal with that shopping issue in a month. I'll know by then if I'm headed down further, or if 130ish is it. Whether I buy a mix of smalls and mediums, and size 8's with an occasional size 6 (where I am now), or all smalls and size 4-6's...does that REALLY matter? I mean Sunny, how friggin narcissistic are you? LOL

Oh, and it's POURING now. I stayed home yesterday and it rained hard, but not this hard. Now I have to go out in it. I am telling my carpool partner that since I'm driving, I am NOT using the (faster, inside lane) carpool lane. I'm in control. I'm not comfortable in the carpool lane in the driving lane. She doesn't like it, she can drive herself. LOL

So, have a great day, and a great weekend, and stay true to your goals! I sure am!!!

Patience is a virtue.....

2010-01-21T07:54:00.000-08:00

....I guess that's the one thing we can say about dieting plateaus; it/they help us hone our patience skills. Coz really, that's all I got. Yeah, still nothing. I dropped my calories to 1,100....nada. So, more changes today. I think consuming both 8 oz. of grapefruit juice (at breakfast) and a navel orange (at lunch) is too much fructose (albiet natural) fruit sugars. So I'll pick one or the other. I also am wondering if the full bottle (albiet it lite) of Paul Newman's Italian salad dressing soaking in the Italian beef has still snuck a bit too much sodium into me. Even though I cut back to barely 2 oz. last night, I'm still enjoying a good 1/4 cup of the marinated onions and bell peppers....well, it was finished off last night. Tonight, I'm only having breadless tuna melt for dinner (with lite tuna and low fat mayo and red onions) (with 100 calories of lite cheese melted on top.) It'll come in, barely, maybe, at 300 calories. I should be at about 1,000 calories today for what is planned. I'm not going to go lower than that, or my body will definitely go into starvation mode. :: sigh ::

'tis what it 'tis.

On other news, I have installed a new widget here that, I think, improves the comments section. Well, it allows you to customize your comments a tad more, and most importantly to me, allows smileys. hehehe It might take you a second or two longer to add your pic, which would be nice for me, but if you don't have the time, I understand. I've got it for 30 days trial free, so if you guys don't like it, find it a nuisance, or whatever, please let me know.

I also added fishies. In the sidebar. I'm such a nut. LOL

Well, I'm working from home today. The drive home was a KILLER last night. White knuckles all the way. Today's rain is supposed to be the worse yet, so my wonderful boss acquiesced to my request to work from home, since I don't own a boat. LOL

Have a great day, and stay true to YOUR goals! We can win this war!!!

Welcome to Plateauville

2010-01-20T07:41:00.001-08:00

Beautiful place to visit; wouldn't want to live here. LOL

Meh, I don't get it, but I'm trying to not let it bother me too much. I "got regular"....not in a huge way, but I'm not constipated. That said, I still weigh 130.8 this morning, which, in my mind, means I gained weight yesterday. And not a single reason why. My calories were about 1,300. I did a total of 1.5 hours of dancing. I've tried mixing up not only my calories but what my calories actually were. I exercise 45 min. to 1.5 hours a day. My sodium level is fine. Stress level normal. No hidden foods that I'm not admitting to myself. Seriously, not a single reason in the world why I'm stuck in the 130-131 range now for a full ten days. Except I'm in a plateau. But all the normal things to break a plateau (listed above re mixing things up) aren't working this time...or yet. I'm cornfuddled. But, it is what it is.

I refuse to accept 130 as my body's ideal weight. I know I'm close. But this isn't it. Looking sideways at my stomach-I know I have a good 10-15 pounds more to go. So....since I know, rationally and scientifically, that I'm doing everything possible, I just have to accept this lull in my loss as just one of nature's mysteries. And keep plugging along as I have been. I can't drop my calories any lower, and I won't go any higher except occasionally on the weekend. I won't add more exercise than the 1-1.5 hours it normally is. My sodium level is as low as is tolerable and palatable. My carb level is a perfect South Beach Phase II level. So, it is what it is. Deal with it, Sunny. And I shall, mixed in with some minor grumbling here every morning until it breaks. LOL

Now, on to Biggest Loser. Many thoughts on last night's episode. Skip this paragraph if you have yet to view it (and intend to.) First of all, a big, fat ole EFF YOU, MARIA. If you think anyone in that room but you and your son are going to be responsible for your son's premature death, WAKE THE HELL UP. He's still being a lard-ass and not owning up to his responsibilities re his health. YOU, MARIA, have enabled him and continue to be his enabler. So he lives at home with you, in his room? Ever heard of the term CO-DEPENDENT? Enabling? Look 'em up, and learn. Stop blaming everyone else but the real culprits, dammit to hell! Man oh man, yes, THAT gets my dander up! I'm sick of people not being responsible for their own lives and mistakes. And I also don't get why last week Mrs. Red laughed and admitted she was loading and playing the game, but this week gets all pissy and flat out refuses to admit it. Own your evil, woman! I don't really even think it's evil, because until the producers change the game format and stop the weekly immunity wins, they are, if nothing else but passively, allowing/encouraging contestants to do that. BUT OWN IT. Again, I hate it when people don't accept culpability for their own actions. Grow a pair, Mrs. Red! And I'm sick of Bob always playing Good Cop to Jillian's Bad Cop. Bob has an unnatural need to be not only loved, but worshipped, by everyone, it seems to me. I'm gonna laugh my butt off when Daughter Green goes BACK to Jillian and asks for her counselling. Bob, there is a reason why your doted on contestants never win. It's because you, Bob, are not forcing them to face their own demons. You skirt around it constantly. Well, Jillian has proven time and again that her way, is the way that works.

OK, glad to get that off my chest. LOL

Have a great day, everyone! Stay true to YOUR goals!

I Got Nuthin' This Morning!

2010-01-19T08:44:00.000-08:00

...including I wasn't regular this morning, if you get my drift, so I refuse to accept the weight the scale gave me. (130.8.) IF you can assume nearly a pound from being regular....? Can I assume that? Nope, but I can hope. Bringing some grapefruit juice to work and drinking it first thing worked, but too late to weigh in for the day. I am eating an orange and some pinto beans with my Low Fat Wheat Thins for lunch, and then less meat, more onions, bell peppers, and beans on top of a salad for dinner, so hopefully all that roughage will mean back to business in the morning. I KNOW: WAY WAY T.M.I. LOL

Other than that, I got nuthin. Busy day at work. Rain for the commute home. Still searching for a new (to me) NFL team to love; it'll either be the team coming to LA, or the 49'ers. Unless the team coming is the Chargers or the Raiders. I WILL NOT FOLLOW THOSE TEAMS. (Well, not the Raiders until Al Davis dies or sells. LOL)

I kinda feel like a woman without an island. :)

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

YAY for a 3 day weekend!

2010-01-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

thank you, Martin Luther King. LOL

Well, I'm back to 130.4. SOOOOOOOOOOOO close to the 120's...!

However/but I have a crockpot of Italian beef roast going. Including lots and lots of onions and bell peppers. On the plus side, I'm using Paul Newman's Lite Salad dressing, and all of my seasoning was non-salt Italian seasonings. So I'm hoping the sodium content won't be too high. I MUST weigh my beef. The temptation will certainly be to over-do it. This stuff is SO good! And it's a rainy day, and what's better than a crockpot dinner cooking on a rainy day? It's such a large roast it will last us 2-3 days. MUST.WEIGH.BEEF.EACH.TIME.

LOL

Other than that, not much going. Mr. Sunny did not get the day off. I do have a few things around the house to do. I need to run to the market, too. Other than that, not much. Might snooze a bit, but will get my dance work outs in.

Have a great week, everyone! Stay true to your goals!

:: sigh ::

2010-01-17T07:56:00.001-08:00

:: sigh :: indeed. I'm up .6 of a pound, back to 131.0. Can't be positive, but I'm 99.9% sure my calories were between 1,200 and 1,300 yesterday. Sodium might have been a tad high for my standards. Whatever. Point is, my hoping to see 130.0 this morning (down .4)....missed by a country mile (i.e., a whole pound.) Crap. Nuts on a stick.

Yeah, losing these final 15 pounds is going to be a challenge. Much tougher than the previous 70. I guess it was to be expected. I STILL firmly believe I can lose at least another 10 pounds in the next month or month and a half. I will NOT give up my goal...will NOT accept my low weight, until 120 at least! No siree! I CAN DO THIS. I totally can do this. Yes, I'm 58 and perhaps my low weight should be higher than if I were younger. But I am only, barely, 5 ft. 2 in. (maybe less: I was 5 ft. 1 3/4 in. before menopause, and menopause and thereafter usually shrinks us a tad, calcium/bone issues and all)...so really, 120 isn't that low. I am not ready to give up before I hit 120.

Edited to add: I just went to this site, to get an 'outside opinion' of what my weight should be, based on height, sex, and age. Here's the result:

People's Choice (what others thought my weight should be): 121
Medical Recommendation (what counts): 102-134

So 120 IS a reasonable expectation!!! (and frankly, 115 is still my goal. I'm just willing to stop at 120 if the body simply refuses, healthfully, to drop below that.) So there, body! THERE, scale! Bite me. If you think I don't have the patience or stamina to keep at it until at least 120, you haven't met the new Sunny. The new Sunny is dedicated and committed and simply WILL.NOT.GIVE.UP.

And/but, I WILL have a Michelob Ultra this afternoon! My San Diego Chargers are playing in a very important playoff game this afternoon. I might not have season tickets any longer, but I'm a season ticket fan at heart. I might not have loaded nachos and eat my heart out, but I will have that one beer and I will have 3-4 celery sticks dipped judiciously in warmed nacho cheese sauce as my lunch. So bite me on that, too!

LOL This is so funny; bitching about being UP to 131. Crazy times. But GOOD TIMES. I'm definitely a new woman. A new woman who never wants to see the 130's again as a HIGH number. And doesn't intend to. This is a ONE WAY STREET I'm walking on now. NO TURNING BACK. Not an option. So if my body (I don't blame my new scale; it's been pristine perfect for me and I trust it implicitly) wants to play these little 'few ounces here, few ounces there' game with me...I am SO in. Bring it, sistah! LOL

So that's where I am. How are you doing? Staying true to your goals? Staying committed? In this for the long haul...for yourself and with me? WE CAN AND WE WILL OVERCOME. Don't you doubt it for a moment, because I sure don't!

Have a beautiful Sunday, and stay true to your goals! This is the last bit of sun I'll see for a full week (if the meteorologists are correct), so I'm gonna bask in it! Have a GREAT day!

Coming Up Roses!

2010-01-16T08:56:00.000-08:00

THAT is a photo of one of the (bare root) rose bushes I'm buying today! I'm SO STOKED!

I've always been into roses. In the homes I have owned over the years, I've always had a minimum of 6 bushes; often 9-12. I made a study out of analyzing the hundreds of options, and choosing specific roses for health histories, and specific colors. I've doted on my roses and photographed them and loved them to death.

When I divorced my ex for the second/last time, frankly, giving up my roses was tough to do. I moved into a nice apartment, eventually married wonderful Mr. Sunny, and we moved to a lovely townhome in a great area, but the (small) yard was 100% shade. I attempted a couple of roses in the 'sunniest' part of the yard, but no luck. My two most recent I planted last year, between the two of them, produced probably only half a dozen flowers last year. THEN, we got the opportunity to have removed the humungous double-ficus tree that had grown to over 2 stories high that was causing all the shade, in November. Suddenly, my yard is 100% SUNNY, and I have room for 3, count them three more rose bushes! After HOURS of study since Christmas, I have come up with the 3 roses bushes I'm buying. The one above is called Wild Blue Yonder. I'm also picking up today, with it, Burgundy Iceberg:

I've already ordered Summer of Love, and it should arrive soon:

Aren't they gorgeous?!?!?! WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'll have a rose garden again!

Here are the two bushes I already have: Neptune:

and Chihuly:

I actually TOOK that photo from my yard!!!!!

Don't worry, I arrange the order in my yard so the screaming orange isn't next to the purples. LOL

I CANNOT WAIT!

On another plus side, I finally broke through my plateau yesterday, and arrived this morning at 130.4!!!!! The 120's are so close, I can taste 'em! Hopefully by Tuesday! (I plan to enjoy some football game fare, in moderation, this weekend. LOL)

However, starting Monday, we are supposed to get seven days of rain causing 7-20 inches worth. YIKES. Must get those roses in the garden by tomorrow! (thanks in advance, Mr. Sunny. LOL)

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!!!

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

ok, that is the cutest darned TGIF pic ever! LOL

OK, it's a great weekend because it's a three day weekend, and I get off work today at 1:30. WOO HOO Gonna meet my mom and see "Leap Year." That wouldn't be my top choice, but mom wants to see it, and I'm guessing she'll buy the tickets. LOL

Time, also, to re-crap for The Perfect Ten.

Goal #1: reach my goal weight (by mid March.) Well, I didn't get any closer. First, true "plateau WEEK" I think I've had on this journey. But did you hear me belly ache? Even once? Nope. Nope because I ate at my usual 1,200 South Beach rate, did the same amount of exercising: nothing changed. I think the body hit 70 lb. lost and said 'WOAH! Time to adjust!' LOL It's ok. I'll break through any day; not a doubt in my mind. It was an EXTREMELY busy, high-stress week; that might have played into it. And beauty is, I didn't get discouraged or overeat to compensate. If anything, I exercised MORE. So it's all good. I was dead tired yesterday, but between the stress of closing the fiscal year and the added hours of overtime work (10) ....I knew why I was bone tired. AND....They don't call it "the last 10 pounds are the hardest to lose" for nothing. (or 15-16?)

Goal # 2: be more frugal. SUCCESS. I've hardly bought a thing since the new year. :)

Goal # 3: give back. Well, no one but Mr. Sunny wants to join me for the Alzheimer's Walkathon. So either he and I do it alone, or ...it's pass altogether. We'll do it alone. Damn my lazy-arss family... :: sigh ::

And....another secret to share: I have been married three, yes THREE, times. HOWEVER, # 1 and # 2 were to the same man. Can't say I didn't give it a good, honest try.

So, there you have it! I'm going to buy 2 new roses tomorrow, and Mr. Sunny will plant on Sunday before a full week's worth of rain arrives. Can't wait!

Have a great weekend, and stay true to YOUR goals!

Feeding your real needs

2010-01-14T05:40:00.000-08:00

I think it's important that we always keep "center and front" important things we have discovered along this path to a healthier lifestyle. I know it really helps me to re-visit some of my posts that I wrote to present/capture important ideas. I'm going to take today's post to reach back and pull out from an old July post a concept that is, to me, so important that I give it credit for being one of the key concepts that has made this journey, this time, for me so much more successful than at any other juncture in my life. That, without this knowledge, I wouldn't be where I am today. That has given me the strength and belief that this time .....well, this time is for good. This time, there will be NO turning back. Some of you friends who have been with me since then will (maybe?) remember it. But I'm also expounding on it more now, since half a year has passed since I wrote and shared it.

This insight comes from the book that I HIGHLY recommend to any and all of you. "The Solutions" by Laurel Mellin has changed my life...made SUCH a huge (pardon the pun LOL) difference in my life and in the way I approach food, eating, and my health. Today's topic deals with what does your weight say FOR you?

I think we (those of us that are or were obese) can agree that the bulk of our eating disorder (for indeed, it is a disorder!) is due to emotional eating. And I will most certainly address that more than I already have in previous posts, later on another day. But what we rarely, if ever, address is the equally important role of the drive to stay heavy. Body size speaks volumes for us! I can guarantee that you probably don't realize it, but maintaining a particular size (obesity) can and does have hidden advantages. We want to lose weight, but there is a silent voice that speaks louder than we do, operating as the Wizard of Oz did, behind the so-called green curtain. Maintaining a body size larger than is healthy is how we send wordless messages to others. Even if we spend years dieting and sweating off pounds, if we don't address the issues deep within, this voice will continue to rear it's ugly head and find ways to express itself through a relentless sabotage that results in our weight staying rock solid heavy or returning to that status.

Little or none of this is conscious. We don't purposely sabotage our healthy eating and screw with our exercise plans to keep our weight high. But it still may be happening.

So what is our challenge? To give that voice words and sound so that it can speak directly, and stop expressing itself through extra weight. We simply need to reach down, get in tune with that inner voice, find out what it's saying, and learn effective, verbal or non-verbal, non-food-related ways of speaking its needs. When we do, the reason for holding onto the weight simply disappears, and we can lose the extra weight for good.

So what does your weight say for you? If could be any, or many, of the following things:

Don't notice me
I am not important
I feel powerless
I AM in control
I am a good mother
Feel sorry for me
I don't want sex
I am stable and dependable
Don't mess with me
Don't expect too much from me
I am not perfect
Stay away from me
I feel angry
I am afraid to be all I can be
I am not worthy
I have given up
I am loyal to my family
I don't want to grow up
I don't want you to judge me
I reject you
I need space
I need love

Dig deep, and figure out what your weight is saying to the world, to your parents, to your spouse, to your boss...to whomever. It could be different things to different people, or it could just be one thing to one person. You won't know until you take some time to go inside yourself, and figure it out and accept it. Going within yourself, identifying this inner voice, listening to it, and working through it is KEY to losing weight and keeping it off. Until you've done it, this inner voice will continue to find ways to control you. I guarantee it.

All the sentiments that your weight communicates for you can and needs to be brought to your awareness and expressed verbally. Each time you use words, not your weight, to express yourself, you'll need the extra weight less. Then it becomes easier and easier to attain the weight you've determined is best for your health and happiness.

For me, it was a control issue. My parents and my ex husband always were on me about my weight. I couldn't verbally bring myself (i.e., Sunny the Doormat) to tell them to back off and leave me alone. Instead, I just kept adding the weight on! I showed them who was the boss of me, didn't I! Or did I? In effect, by adding the weight to passively-aggressively piss them off, I still was giving them the control. I just didn't see it. I also, the last set of years with my ex, didn't want sex with him, because the relationship was going wrong in so many ways. Another way to control that: if I was fat enough, and I KNEW he hated it, I didn't have to have sex with him. Man oh man did it work.

But what was it for me now? Several things, actually. Control: it was still about control. I have spent a lifetime trying to be that proverbial "Good Girl". But always knowing I wasn't. Not all of the time. I think I kept/added on the weight, as to prove to the world, once again, "I may say and act like the perfect woman, but come on, look at my body: I'm not perfect. I want you to know I'm not perfect, but I don't dare say or do anything overtly to prove it. I'm afraid of screwing up, but by seeing me this fat, you have all the proof you need that I am not perfect." Frankly, I think also some of it was still backlash at my ex. Even though I am married to a wonderful man...a wonderful man who doesn't care how big I got...I think I let the weight pile up so I could, with my body, fling that in my ex's face, i.e., "Look! I married a great man who doesn't care how big I am and who will never cheat on me like you did because of my weight! HA HA HA It doesn't matter any more how much I weigh and I'm happier than you anyhow so EAT IT!!!" Yep, that was definitely a part of it. But you know what, that meant I still had something I unconsciously felt I needed to prove to him. (the inherent HE was wrong LOL) But like hate is so close to love.... I had to get over this. I had to get over giving two hoots about what he felt about me anymore. I think part of it was even a subconscious need to test my wonderful "new" husband to see if he really did mean "I love you no matter how much you weigh/I think you are beautiful no matter how much you weigh." I guess, having been burned previously re that....I needed to prove to myself he really did love me and think I was beautiful no matter how much I weighed. I needed to stop proving, unconsciously to people, that I wasn't perfect. Hell, NO ONE is perfect. They knew that. Major DOH moment.

Yes, your inner voice can dominate you if you ignore it. We think we are out of control with our eating, but really, deep down inside, we are (subconsciously?) VERY much in control. We overeat because we have a need to do so. An inner voice that needs expression and chooses to overeat to get its needs met. So what is your (obese) weight saying for you? If you want to lose that weight for good, you MUST ADDRESS IT. If that includes speaking up, literally, to someone in your life, then you have to suck it up and do it. If that means telling a spouse that you are feeling distant from them and don't want sex until that gets fixed, then by God, DO IT. You need to take charge of your life. You need to make it WORK for you. And let's face it, the weight is literally killing you. You will get sick, really sick, sooner than necessary if you don't fix your weight. You will die prematurely. Is that the way you want your life to go? Was holding back the unexpressed, scary feelings that would be difficult to address to someone...worth it? Worth killing yourself over????

Discipline

2010-01-13T05:47:00.001-08:00

I came across that quote by David Campbell yesterday, and it absolutely froze me. It was like a major WOW moment in my life. You know, when you've been thinking something, but don't have the brains/experience/etc. to put it together in your mind or your heart? Seeing that quote did it for me. I had to come and share it here with all of you.

For the past few months, I've been realizing that the difference between those who succeed at losing a large amount of weight, and those that just want to (but fail)....was about becoming personally responsible for themselves. That word, "responsible", has been one I've hung my hat on since probably fall. I have it in my "intro" there to the right. I firmly believe it. "It" being that until a person is willing to be responsible for their health, and all that entails, instead of just running willy nilly from one excuse to (over) eat to another, they aren't going to be successful in the 'weight loss journey 'game. But I saw that quote, and it became even more crystal clear to me.

"Disciple is remembering what you want."

I think the key there is the word REMEMBERING. Because most people on diets are PROS at forgetting what they want....long term. What they are good at is wanting what they want, AT THE MOMENT. Offer up a brownie or chips or french fries or a pizza or a giant burger covered in whatever or a birthday cake, ad nauseum, and they are literally and figuratively all over it because they want.that.NOW. Even if they realize it's not healthy for themselves, they -simply put- just don't give a shit. Or don't give a shit ENOUGH. Being responsible and being disciplined means remembering your end goals, and living the way you have to live to achieve them. It means remembering your goals, and consistently working towards achieving them. It means remembering those health goals are the most important goals we can create and achieve for not only ourselves, but for all of our loved ones who want us to live a longer, healthier life than the path we are on when we are obese. REMEMBER and HONOR those health and weight goals. Those that do, succeed. Those that don't, don't. They continue on the love-hate relationship with themselves, instead of taking the steps towards a more healthier (physically and mentally) relationship with THEMSELVES.

While researching this quote, I came across another one that really hit me:

"Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself." ~ Abraham Heschel

How true is that? Wow. Just wow.

Discipline comes from delayed gratification. Putting off the fun, easy stuff, to attain the harder, in-the-distance future/goals. It's not for the weak of heart. Some people just give up. On themselves. Not just once. Every time they DO accept the brownie or chips or french fries or a pizza or a giant burger covered in whatever or a slice (or several) of birthday cake. That's not to say you can't ever eat those, but you have to ACCEPT that every time you do, you are delaying your goal being achieved. You are falling into the "I want it now!" behavior that earmarks a childish way of living, instead of delaying that food gratification and honoring your own healthy goal of getting fit by losing excess weight. And you know darned well that after eating that junk, that the guilt will follow. That's nature's way of telling you that you chose wrong. Ever feel guilty after eating healthy? Likely not. Because it's the way we are supposed to eat, and inside, you know it.

So, every day, you get to make choices. You can work on being more self-disciplined, better at delayed gratification, or you can succumb to the more childish side of your nature. You get to pick many times, every day. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just worry about today. What choices will you make today? What will it say about you, and your level of self-discipline and delayed gratification skills?

Stay true to your goals, my friends!

By Request: My typical menu(s)

2010-01-11T05:49:00.000-08:00

LOL Not quite that bad. I don't count fat grams. I'm South Beach. LOL

No, Bee asked for a 'typical menu' of what I eat, so here I am, happy to oblige. Please realize I am a creature of habit; I like structured, repeatable routine to my meals. Even when I'm at a restaurant, if I find something I like, I ALWAYS re-order it. Same at home, with a few variations thrown in to keep boredom at bay. So, that caveat in place, here you go:

Typical Breakfast:

Six days a week:

1/2 a bagel (either "cheese" or "sesame"). yes, I splurge on these. That's why only a half. :)

2 tbsp. "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter-Light" on the toasted bagel. Usually a tad less, because that's a lot.

18 whole, natural almonds. I prefer Blue Diamonds brand.

One weekend day a week:

2-3 slices of microwaved-to-crunch (2 min. per slice) Hormel regular bacon

1/3 - 1/2 Cup O'Brien-style hashed brown potatoes, cooled in Wesson oil (very little, though)...seasoned with Mural of Flavor (Penzey's) pretty heavy. Much lighter touch with the Lawry's Seasoning salt.

1 egg, cooked over medium, griddle sprayed with Pam. I had a few shakes of Tabasco on the plate.

Typical Lunch:

(which I rarely eat on the weekends. That allows for some munchies)

Two large handfuls of broccoli slaw, topped with 2-3 tbsp. of Light Blue cheese salad dressing (the brand sold in the chilled section of the produce department.)

1 Pepper Jack cheese portion-sold like string cheese, but it's Pepper Jack.

12-14 Low fat Wheat Thins

or

Lean Cuisine BBQ-recipe Chicken Pizza

OR, on Fridays, it's lunch out!

If it's Islands, it's their CA Flyer (grilled skinless chicken breast) without the bun, lettuce, or tomato, but wiht the melted Pepper Jack (yeah, I love Pepper Jack LOL). Onion rings instead of fries. I eat 2-3 of the onion rings, then de-bread the rest and eat them nekkid.

If it's anywhere else, it's a salad with meat, dressing on the side, no croutons or bread.

Afternoon Snack:

1 Hershey's Nugget

Sometimes, if I'm really hungry later in the afternoon, I'll have another 4-5 almonds or 2-3 Wheat Thins. Never necessary after the Friday restaurant lunch; I'm always full!

Typical Dinner:

4 oz. of meat. Yes, I measure. I love my kitchen scale. Almost any kind of meat; steak, skinless chicken, roasted, skinless turkey breast, pot roast, etc. Almost any kind of sauce may or may not be added. I'm flexible. Season the meat, but light on any salt-based seasoning.

Romaine-based garden salad, with chopped bell peppers and chopped red onions. Same salad dressing as lunch.

OR

sometimes I don't have the meat, and add a cup of cooked pinto beans on top of the salad. Delish!

OR

1. the occasional spaghetti, but pasta-less
2. tacos or burritos, without the tortillas. I HATE the taste of the La Tortilla brand. Sorry. But everything else that goes in a normal/high end taco or burrito, meaning meat, beans (if it's refried, it's the non-fat type), cheese, non-fat sour cream, and salsa.

After Dinner Treat

Another Hershey's nugget. Sometimes two, if I haven't hit my 1,200 calories.

I know, I know, I'm a creature of habit. LOL That said, it works for me if I don't have to think too much about it. I also supplement with two 500 mg. of Vit. D a day, plus a multi-vitamin geared to women over 50. :)

I also love sauteed mushrooms and/or onions on top of my meat. And with beef, Lee & Perrins Steak Sauce. Best store-bought steak sauce there is. :)

Now, Bee did ask for a typical menu. Not everything. So, this is a typical menu. I promise, I don't cook Mr. Sunny into utter boredom. LOL

Have a GREAT day, and stay true to your goals!

How My Food Choices Have Changed

2010-01-10T09:04:00.000-08:00

That used to be me. TOTALLY. I used to feed so proud of myself for ordering a diet Coke with the Big Mac and fries. geesh!

I was at another blogger's this morning, and she was contemplating her lifestyle of eating out, and how difficult that was now that she was into dieting. Here's a large part of my comments to her:

I have NOT stopped going to restaurants at all during this new journey. In fact, I still enjoy every Friday lunch bunch with my gal co-workers. And I stay faithful to South Beach and my goals in the process. Wanna know how I do it? I challenge myself to research (feeds my inner geek) the potential places we might go, and pick out or CREATE the best food choices possible that meet my tastes and stay true to South Beach Phase II goals. The satisfaction of SUCCEEDING far, far outweighs any momentary “gee, that would be great to eat” moments. At most restaurants, you don’t need the bun with the hamburger or chicken sandwiches! Get everything else they are loaded with, and enjoy them bunless. Don’t get the french fries. I get onion rings instead, and eat 2-3 of them, then de-bread the rest and enjoy them that way. I get dressing for salads on the side, and use the ‘dip the fork tines’ in the dressing, then in the salad, to minimize the damage. If it’s a Mexican restaurant, I either abstain from the chip and dip/sauce altogether, or allow myself 3, count them 3, chips.

Dessert? 2 tablespoons total. That’s enough to get the taste/flavor and participate, but not blow your diet, have regrets. It’s not a waste of money; you are still enjoying it, you would’ve paid all that money to pig out, so why not pay it to eat responsibly and more healthfully?

One meal of overeating generally makes you pay 2 days to 1 full week to recuperate. it’s SO not worth it!

This is how you eat and live responsibly. It’s a committment to yourself, your goals, and your loved ones to take care of your body. You owe it to yourself to learn to live responsibly. You’ll discover NEW joys: feeling good about yourself, looking good, and a total lack of regret!

It was this change that has taken me from a yo-yo dieter to a successful one. That, and mental/emotional work being done, too. I'll get back to that in another post or three. LOL Here are some other changes I've made to what I eat, on a consistent basis:

Celery sticks instead of potato/tortilla chips. Yep! Satisfies the crunch need, and still goes great with any kind of dip! (which of course, I minimize.)

1-2 Hershey Nuggets per day. Each is 45- (dark chocolate with almonds) to 50 (milk chocolate) calories. Each nugget is 4-5 delicious, close-your-eyes-and-savor it moments. It keeps me sane and not ever feeling truly deprived.

Tropical or passion iced tea. I drink it by the pitcher, that I make, every weekend and every night. I always do de-caf. To be even more healthy/pristine. LOL No sodas, diet or otherwise, EVER for me.

Low Fat Wheat Thins. With the occasional Laughing Cow Light French Onion cheese wedges. Those wedges are the most delectable 35 calories imaginable!

Penzey's Mural of Flavor spice. Best tasting salt free spice ever! I buy a LARGE glass jar every 2-3 months, we use and love it that much! Penzey's has a great line of salt-free spices. Look 'em up, online, if you don't have a store near you. (we don't.) Your heart will thank you. :)

Broccoli slaw with low fat dressing. I HATE broccoli, but I somehow adore this slaw. Get the vitamins without the nasty taste!

Of course, the occasional low-fat popcorn packs. yuummmmmm

OK, that's the majority of my hints. It sure has been working for me, and I don't feel deprived at ALL.

Have a great day, and find new ways to stay true to YOUR goals!!!

When SEVENTY is a GOOD Thing!!!

2010-01-09T09:07:00.001-08:00

....WHEN YOU HAVE LOST SEVENTY POUNDS, THAT'S WHEN!!! AND I KNOW IT, BECAUSE I HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

That is all. LOL

Have a great day, and stay true to YOUR goals!!!!

Light at the end of the tunnel?

2010-01-08T05:37:00.000-08:00

I love that picture! Not only does it reflect the topic, but the beauty of the scenery that creates that light so totally captures the essence of what that phrase means.

And oh Lord, I AM seeing the light at the end of this tunnel! The tunnel being the hell of closing a fiscal year at the same time you are rolling out the biggest new product line of your company's history. It's been insane! Insane since mid November, and increasingly worse until this week that has been totally mind-boggingly insane. I've been putting in 3-4 hours at night at home AFTER running ragged for the full 8 hours in the office. Poor Mr. Sunny hasn't had hardly any quality time with me this week; I definitely owe him.

That said, I think today-Tuesday (when it all ends) will be almost tolerable. LOL We'll see. I just know that Tuesday the bulk of it ends, and I CAN'T WAIT.

Wednesday and yesterday were the worst. And Wednesday, I admit, I indulged a bit: I ate all 4 onion rings at Islands during lunch instead of just 2 (and then the other 2 minus the fried breading), and I even dipped them (sparingly, though) in BBQ sauce. And I had 3 Nuggets instead of my normal 1-2. And then Mr. Sunny brought home a frosted homemade brownie from work, and I nibbled away about a fourth of it. The scale rewarded me yesterday morning with an extra .6. No biggy. Yesterday, I was on plan. Well, because of the collegiate national championship game on TV last night, I did enjoy a Michelob Ultra beer (95 calories but low carb) and my dinner was homemade guacamole. I ate the guac mostly with celery sticks, but did have about a dozen Tostitos mixed in, too. But I went light on the garlic salt when I made it, and didn't eat anything else for dinner, and was back to 132.0 this morning, meaning I lost the .6 gain from Wed. It's all good. :)

Today is "check in day" for The Perfect 10 challenge. So here I am, checking in. I also "owe" one new tidit of information about myself to you, my readers. OK, here it is. I work for El Pollo Loco restaurant chains (alright, that I've already shared in the past) AND the big launch that I've been working on is that.....drum roll.............this Saturday we are introducing an entire line of STEAK PRODUCTS. AND MAN OH MAN IS IT GOOD!!!!

There will be two different types of steak tacos (I like the grill master version, minus the tortillas), steak-filled cheese quesadillas, and our famous bowl, topped with the grilled steak instead of our normal chicken. Bee, you are gonna love the steak! It's tender, extremely deliciously marinated (heavy on the citrus AND the garlic), and tastes WAY better than a fast food restaurant ought to be serving. I'm very excited! But man oh man has it been a TON of work to retro-fit our grills, at almost 200 restaurants, under the cloak of darkness (literally!) to pull this off without notifying the public or the competition in advance! The logistics of doing it in less than a month (also to help with the secrecy issues) has been insane! But we are all stoked!!!

OK, that's enough for now. I'm still 1 pound away from the 70 lost milestone, and 2.1 away from one hundred twenties land. I hope I lose the 1 lb. this weekend! Might not happen until Monday, but I am definitely knocking on the door! And what normally would've been a HUGE emotional eating week with all this stress hasn't been bad at all. I have THAT going for me!

Have a great weekend, and stay true to your goals!!!

Me = Swamped

2010-01-07T07:36:00.000-08:00

We are closing the fiscal year right now. As well as rolling out a major project. (why does that ALWAYS happen?) I've been cranking 8+ hours at work, and 2-3 hours at night. I'll try to catch up tonight, after the game...? If not, for sure Friday.

Hope you are all doing well. Stay true to your goals!!! :)

IMPORTANT Healthy Tip: ALMONDS

2010-01-06T07:54:00.000-08:00

Yes, almonds. And I don't mean dry-roasted. I don't mean flavored almonds. I mean whole, natural almonds. (Blue Diamond's are the best, and they come in convenient "can a week" size.)

Why almonds? Well, among other weight-related problems, my doctor had been after me for a few years to start cholesterol-lowering meds. My bad cholesterol had slowly risen to the 240 ish range. I put it off, I put it off, and/but once I started, within a few days I had the body ache problem that is a symptom of a VERY dangerous reaction, so she pulled me off. We were both frustrated. Then, I read that almonds was a great cholesterol-reducing food item. I started eating them. 16-18 of them every morning as the keystone of my breakfast. This was a couple of months BEFORE I started losing weight. I went for another blood pressure check up, about 6 weeks later, and low and behold (she did another cholesterol blood test)...my cholesterol had dropped to 185! I was no longer a candidate for the pills! She was floored. She asked me what had I done differently. Started exercising? Losing weight? Nope, the only change was the almonds.

I suggested it to a few other people I knew with cholesterol problems. The ones who took my advice; within 2 months, THEIR cholesterol rates had dropped significantly and at least 2 of them were able to get OFF their cholesterol medication, simply because of the daily almonds!

So, DO IT. Even if you are young and/or don't think you have cholesterol issues. Our hearts need almonds. They truly do. Stave off heart/cholesterol problems NOW by eating your daily almonds. You can thank me down the road.

Oh! And I'm 132.0 this morning, meaning another full pound lost, and I'm at 69 lbs lost overall. One more pesky pound and I reach the 70 lbs. lost milestone! Hopefully by the weekend!

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!!!

Pee'ing Like a Race Horse

2010-01-05T05:41:00.000-08:00

No, I wasn't gonna post a photo of a horse (let alone one pee'ing. LOL)

Anyhow, that's what I felt like yesterday. I could definitely tell, by mid morning, that I was getting rid of that fluid retention from my gravy and stuffing. Sure enough, that, coupled with a good day of food choices and my usual two half hours of dancing, and the scale results this morning?

DOWN TWO FULL POUNDS.

It IS great how now, if I have a 'bad' day of unhealthy choices, and gain weight, IF I get right back on the horse and don't allow my body to get used to the added weight, it usually comes off much faster than normal. Dear Body, I love you for that. LOL

Also, last night, I remembered something from Prevention Magazine's Flat Belly Diet that was my initial start (first couple of weeks) on this journey, and it was the concept that if you are hungry ABOVE the neck, you don't eat. ONLY eat if you are hungry below the neck. I posted about it, and called the post In Neck We Trust. What I realized last night is that I had gotten away/forgotten about that. It was like my beacon of light in the beginning, and I'd gotten away from that. I need to keep that in mind. Heck, I think I need to go back, every so often, and read my own early posts, to remind myself of some of the key things I learned, that helped form as my guide to this transformation. Stick close to my roots, if you will. It's so easy, once you start to get successful and lose that first 15-20 pounds, to get caught up in the excitement of how you feel, how you look, the compliments, to forget what got you there. Kinda like the old adage, "go home with the boy that brung ya." Dance your last dance with the person you danced with first. Go back to your roots, the basis for your success, and stay grounded there.

Conversely, I think many of us, in the past, have lost this battle because of that. We lose the focus on what gets us going. What our goals were. What we learned about ourselves and healthy living in general. We stop being mindful. And face it, these are lifelong battles. Sure, the battle can and will get easier, but it's not something we can ever totally lose our focus on. Some lament that, but really, we ought to treat it like reading or taking vitamins. Something we just always have to do, even thought it's something that takes some thought. It's so tempting to get lazy and just expect our good health to take care of itself, so we can go back to childlike abandon, but I have news for you (and myself): good health as an adult isn't like that. Like a long-term marriage, and a beautiful garden, it takes some work to keep it cultivated. It doesn't happen without some elbow grease.

For me, right now, remembering to LISTEN to my hunger is something good to remember and re-focus on. Where did I feel the so-called hunger for that gravy or that stuffing? Below the neck or above it? It's quite obvious; above the neck. It needed to be either ignored, or given only a tidbit. Not 20-30 tidbits. As long as I keep In Neck We Trust™ in mind, I can't go too wrong on this journey.

What nuggets of wisdom re healthy living do YOU need to keep front and center?

Have a GREAT day and stay true to YOUR goals!!!

Owning My Evil

2010-01-04T05:39:00.000-08:00

Good thing I create homemade turkey dinner extravaganzas only once or twice a year. I blew it yesterday. In a big, nonstop "munching on dressing while I was mixing it and gravy when I was cooking it" kinda way. To the point I barely ate dinner, but the damage was done. I own my evil. I know, however, that at least half of the 2.4 lbs. on the scale this morning EXTRA are from the sodium retained fluids in all of it. Still, I own it. I just didn't seem able to stop myself at the time. I KNEW I was screwing up. But the taste of it all was, apparently, more important. Geesh. What an idiot. But, I guess we are all human. I had, after all, lost over 8 pounds since Thanksgiving, manuevering pretty danged well through the holidays food minefield. I guess I was due a screw up. It was yesterday.

True, I still have the leftovers of 21 pounds of turkey minus the tiny bit the two of us ate. (and me? Barely one slice.) AND the homemade dressing and two vat-loads of my homemade gravy. Now I have to ignore all of it except the turkey the rest of the way out. OHHHH trust me, I will. Live and learn. I regret the 2.4 lbs, of course. I don't regret enjoying the food. I just obviously enjoyed it too successfully. LOL I'll be fine. It was a one-day toe-dipping into the past. That said, the old Sunny would've done all of that, and STILL had a full blow-out dinner and a full lunch. (I didn't even eat lunch.) I drank my ton of iced tea, so yeah, much of this is sodium-retaining fluid. It'll come off. It just delays everything by a week. SEE why days like that are so not worth it?! A whole week for one day's pig-out-ness. SO.NOT.WORTH.IT.

Ah well, like I said, I own my evil. I won't continue it. On the plus side, we now have oodles of good, healthy, low-fat and low-calorie real turkey at my disposal for WEEKS. We already froze half of it. I don't have to struggle to find high quality protein now. LOL Gotta look for the plus side. And, gotta own the evil though. I can't take the praise from you fine souls without owning my VERY RARE failures, too. It's a ying/yang kinda thing.

Well, I hope the rest of you did better yesterday than me. I can about guarantee you that you did.

Live and learn, right? This was the worst one-day gain since I started this journey back last mid April. That's a pretty damned fine track record. I am human. Hear me roar? (roar at myself, more like it. And not in a good way.) Two steps forward, 1 step back. The path to learning is always like that. I was due for a step back? I dunno. I guess so. Now I'm into the "learning from it" mode. :: sigh ::

That said, learn from my mistake. The guilt associated with overeating is NEVER worth the food taste sensations, no matter how wonderful and worthy they seem at the time. If I had realized I would've gained over TWO pounds from yesterday's little escapade, believe me, I would've stopped it before it had gone so far. It simply, truly, profoundly wasn't worth 2.4 pounds. Which of course will come off. Which of course, in the grand scheme of things, is nothing. It's more of a personal disappointment in myself that I currently find the issue. And I've been feeling so good about myself. This disappointment was something I wanted to, 99.9% of the time, leave behind. THAT is the biggest lesson learned from this: the self-disappointment escapades like this cause. Again, so.not.worth.it.

Have a great day, and be true to your goals! I know I sure will today!

Hodge Podge

2010-01-03T09:27:00.000-08:00

Stream of consciousness:

Ever have to do one of the anti-spam "copy this word" things and think, hey, I like that non-word word! It would be a cool nickname! I need to start writing some of the cool ones down. LOL

132.6. That's where I stand this morning. Only 1.6 pounds more, and I've lost 70 altogether. I WILL be there by next Sat., or lower!

Oh! I followed Shelley's lead and got my own custom domain. It's:

www.thesunnylife.com

Blogger is redirecting to it, but I suggest, if you want, that you bookmark it separately. If you want. It's not like I'm a must-read or anything.

Only problem was, I lost all of my bloglist links. I spent a couple of hours last night trying to recreate them, but if you aren't there, please let me know. Price I paid for going with godaddy.com instead of blogger itself. doh. Also, my "contact me" link is broken because I stupidly thought I was wise enough to fix it myself to the new address. Erm, not so much. I'm waiting for the Blog Fairy (for realz) to fix it for me.

Well, time to make our Sunday breakfast, and then head into the final weekend of regular NFL games. I currently sit in 11th place in my pool (of 40)...if I can make the top 4, I get a payout. I made some whacky choices; it was the only way to try and make up that much ground in one week. But, whacky things are known to happen in week 17 when some teams aren't trying anymore (for various reasons.) Wish me well!

I will work my half hours of dance in near the end of the morning games, and before the evening game. And I'm cooking that 21 pound free turkey today; we'll be eating turkey for weeks. I'll freeze half of it right out of the gate tonight. LOL

Have a GREAT day, and stay true to your goals!!!

Hello, 2010!!!!

2010-01-02T07:14:00.000-08:00

I took yesterday off from the computer. Other than maybe 10 minutes or so. I guess I just needed a break. Plus, I wanted to watch part of the Rose Parade before all the bowl games began. Then it was 2.5 bowl games (third game was a blow-out, so we stopped watching it after the first half), and watch a movie in the evening. Like I said, I guess I just needed a break.

I started 2010 at 132.8. However, I think the cajun spices I used last night were salty: I'm 133.0 this morning. No biggie. I'm doing great.

Well. Wow. A new year AND a new decade! I am TOTALLY a different person than I was 1/2/09. First off, I'm almost 70 pounds lighter. With that, of course, came an entirely new way of eating and moving. I am dedicated to 1,200 South Beach-based calories a day during this losing weight phase. I now dance 30-60 minutes a day, 6 to 7 days a week. I feel GUILTY if I don't dance! How's that for a 360 degree change! Still don't do any kind of traditional exercise/go to a gym. Never will. Not.my.thing. Oh! And I have finally become a chocoholic after 57 years of resistance. I honestly don't know why now. I just am. However, a huge part of my system now is portion control (can't do 1,200 calories a day, day in and day out without portion control). So I allow myself 40-50 calories a day of chocolate. It's worked. Yes, portion control. Portion control and accountability. My theme is living a responsible life. That includes being responsible for my choices; every one of them. Stopping and thinking like a mature adult, instead of knee-jerk reacting like a young child. Being a mature adult means taking responsibility for all facets of one's life, including the healthiness or lack thereof of that life. It's the only way to be proud of one's self; to make good choices that you won't regret later. Or at least, minimize the number of choices that one makes that you know, at the time, you will regret. If losing weight is the goal, then one has to make consistent choices that support that goal, or one has no one but one's self to blame. And frankly, after 57 years, I was sick of the blame game. I realized I had to start holding myself accountable for my actions. No more scape-goating. And finally, I learned that I needed to go inside myself, learn and face my inner demons, and work them out to some extent, so I didn't need to continue being an emotional eater. That was the most important step. Without having done that, none of my other steps (dancing, portion control, self-accountability) would've been possible. So these are all the things I worked on and accomplished in 2009.

So where do I take myself in 2010? Well, for starters, I have 18 pounds to lose to reach my aggressive goal. I'll make it by the middle of February, or certainly by the end of February. That said, I also have said all along that, if I got close to that goal and realized that my body couldn't healthfully make it, I'd be willing to settle short of that goal. So these next 6-8 weeks I will be monitoring my body very carefully. Both the outside and the inside. Do I reach a stall that I can't get past without going below 1,200 calories which is not healthy? Do I suddenly start getting too wrinkly (well, beyond what I already have. LOL I AM 58!) Does my face start looking gaunt/hollow cheeked? Do I start feeling weak or lose my stamina or my drive? Those are signs I will be looking for. Of course, I also accept that at 5 ft. 1.75 inches, I might even be able to go another 5 to 10 pounds beyond my goal of 115. So, once I reach 115, I will also reassess then. If I'm still going strong, if I still feel I can lose another 5-10 pounds and look better, I'll go for that. So 2010 will start out just continuing on as I have been. I lost 8 pounds since Thanksgiving, which was awesome! But throughout most of 2009, once I started, I was losing 10-12 pounds a month, so now that we are past the holiday season minefield, I want to get back to hard(er) core dieting.

But once I hit my goal, it's time to venture into Maintenance World. Something I've never, ever seriously done. Obviously, any of us yo-yo dieters never really succeeded at Maintenance, even though we many times have succeeded at the dieting part. So it's a new, kinda scary world. Although I KNOW I'm a different person now than any other time in my life, it'll still be a time to not talk the talk but to walk the walk. So the rest of 2010 will be mainly focused on learning how to live the rest of my life in maintenance. Will I find that 1,400-1,500 calories a day works? Or will I prefer to stick to 1,200 calories a day but allow for those random 1,600-1,900 calorie splurge days? Probably the first is wiser, but who knows. That's why my goal was so aggressive; to allow wiggle room.

But 2010 isn't going to just be more hedonism. (not that taking care of one's health is hedonistic. I think just focusing on it here is. LOL) 2010 is also going to be a year of finally living a more frugal life. I've been a bad, bad girl. I've nickled and dimed us into needing to save more money. Buy $10-$30 dollar things for around the house; a LOT. That needs to stop. We've already had the talk and have started our own plan on how to do it. Now's the time for action.

Finally, I want to give back. To start that, I'm doing a walkathon for Alzheimer's Disease in March. I'm still trying to talk (lazy) family members into joining me and making a team (dedicated to my dad, who suffered from Alzheimer's before his heart gave out.) But if I have to do it with just Mr. Sunny, so be it. It will be the first of many walkathons to come. I just want to be more dedicated to helping others. This is my way of starting.

So there, if you will, are my goals/resolutions for 2010: continuing on my healthy path, becoming more frugal, and giving back to the world at large. No specific numbers involved; just goals to make both myself and the world a better place. I don't doubt for a second that I WILL SUCCEED.

p.s. I have just joined South Beach Steve's "Perfect 10 Challenge." To that end, I must give you, once a week, some new info on me, so here it is:

I named the NHL Anaheim Ducks mascot, Wild Wing. My fifteen minutes of fame, and all. LOL

Have a great day, and stay true to YOUR goals!!!

`2009 in Review

2009-12-31T07:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Lola Fierce for this idea! A bunch of questions to answer every 12/31, that helps you put a retrospect together for the past year:

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’ve never done before?

I made my health a priority. Oh sure, I've lost weight (although never this much) over and over again, but once I'd reach a goal weight, at BEST, I'd turn right back around and go back to my unhealthy habits. I never changed for good. THIS year, at 57, I decided I simply couldn't afford to do that any more. I didn't want to die prematurely, and I couldn't put good health off any longer. I was at the highest dose of my blood pressure meds AND acid reflux meds, and I knew I was headed for an early grave if I didn't get my shit together. I stopped making it about a number, and started making it about good health. And low and behold, it worked, and best of all, it became a new life path; not just a temporary situation to get to a lower number on the scale. (although, undoubtedly, the two are intertwined.)

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As I said yesterday, New Year's Resolutions are, to me, like reading a daily horoscope. I get into it at the time, then forget about it shortly thereafter. LOL However, I do believe in the value of resolutions; of taking the time to stop and re-assess one's life and direction. I'll make a few resolutions, like every year. But I suspect I'll have a better chance of keeping them this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No; thank GOD.

5. What countries did you visit?

None. In this economy, are you kidding me? I'm lucky to get to Vegas and Arizona once a year, and they are neighboring states. LOL

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

I totally have to copy Lola and say "Less debt and more savings." I'd also like to add more peace of mind and better patience (more with myself than with other people.)

7. What dates in 2009 will remain etched in your memory and why?

April 18th. That's the date I started to transform my life!

8. What was your biggest achievement this year?

Also copying Lola, "Really making myself a priority." One cannot lose a large amount of weight, and keep at it for months and months (life), without making one's self a priority. Maybe that's why so many fail; we women are programmed to be givers, and it's hard to put ourselves first. Some of us think that's selfish. Well, it's not selfish if you eat yourself to an early death and cheat your loved ones of having you around as long as they should, amirite?

That, and challenging myself to finally accept culpability/responsibility for my choices when it comes to food and physical movement. Stop having scapegoats. Living responsibility and not making childish knee-jerk reactions to life's challenges (or boredom) by stuffing my face. Learning to live life responsible for my actions and how they relate to my health was huge. To do that, though, I had to first dig deep within, identify my demons, and deal with them. Only after that, could I learn other ways to deal with them besides overeating. THAT was the cornerstone to my success.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not cutting back on spending like I should. Well, we are totally biting the bullet in 2010. BIG TIME. Saving money is now a huge priority for both of us.

10. Did you suffer an illness or injury?

No. In fact, between losing a significant amount of weight and getting in the habit of dancing 30-60 minutes a day, I have been off ALL acid reflux medicine for months, and I'm on my lowest dose of blood pressure meds and will most likely be able to stop that in a few months at my next doctor's appointment. My doctor is very conservative. LOL

Dancing was THE best exercise choice for me. My knees hurt a tad (more) in the beginning, but after I lost the first 20 lbs. or so, that stopped, and I'm pain-free now. That is why I would never, personally, run. Just too ripe a sport for injury for my personal taste. I'll stick with safer dancing, thank yew veddy much. LOL

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A size small holiday top that FITS. How awesome is that??!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I have several blog friends of whom I am especially proud of their accomplishments this past year; notably Shelley and Anna. They have had HUGE accomplishments in the weight-loss and especially get active to get healthy arena. They are daily inspirations. Diane is also a huge inspiration; didn't lose it this past year, but enjoyed another year of maintenance, which is also worthy of celebration!

13. Whose behavior made you apalled and depressed?

Tiger Woods. Chris Brown. Jon AND Kate. Kanye West. David Letterman.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, bills, buying things for the house.

15. What did you get really excited about?

My second grandson; watching him grow from a baby into toddlerhood. My eldest grandson; watching him continue to grow and becoming a good friend of his. And the San Diego Chargers, baby! They are kicking major butt!!!

and myself! Oh hell yes!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

OK: I'm too old for this kinda shit. LOL

17. Compared to this time last year, are you (a)happier or sadder (b) fatter or thinner (c) richer or poorer?

Happier. Thinner. Poorer. 2 out of 3 is not bad. (Lola said it, I'm copying it.)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

NOT buying things for the house. I think I gotta problem. I'm seriously going to work on that for 2010. Beyond that, I can't really say. Maybe see more of my grandbaby in the fall. Time got away from us. Got to start seeing him more regularly starting now.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

The theme continues: spending money on nonsense.

And watch less TV. Not that THAT is going to change. LOL

20. How did you spend Christmas 2009?

With family. Just wish mom hadn't stayed at her home with a cold. :(

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Every time I see my husband I fall in love again. So yep.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Oh holy hell, I'm a 8 pm to bedtime TV slug! To try and pick any one show would be impossible, so here's a list of all my favorites, by TV night:

Monday: Monday Night Football during football season. Next week I have to learn what's on Monday nights BESIDES football!

Tuesday: So You Think You Can Dance. American Idol until my favorites are kicked off. Biggest Loser, of course!

Wednesday: America's Next Top Model. The Middle. Modern Family.

Thursday: Fringe. Community. Private Practice.

I also love almost ALL of the HGTV shows.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

A co-worker who shall remain nameless, but I've discussed her here. Hate is too strong a word. But I have lost respect for her and her newly demonstrated lack of work ethic. :(

24. What was the best book you read?

Now this is a problem. I have to resolve to stop the magazine subscriptions so I have enough time to READ a book. I have a stack waiting for me. I did finish a few Barbara Delinsky books, and book 6 (I think?) of the "Women's Murder Club" series.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Nothing new. I love the "smooth jazz" genre, and I live in it constantly.

26. What did you get and want?

I got healthy; so I got what I wanted. :)

27. What did you want and not get?

More time with my grandbaby. Scheduling can be tough.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hard call. For movies actually made in 2009...The Proposal, 2012, and Bride Wars (yes, sorry) come to mind. For movies seen for the first time in 2009, though, NOTHING beats Madagascar and Madagascar 2!!!

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

Shit, I had to stop and think about what we did! BECAUSE I TURNED 58! LOL We went to my youngest daughter's for dinner. Had a blast, now that I recall. LOL

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Winning the lottery? Yep, the year was THAT GOOD.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Personal fashion concepts change radically when you slip from a size 18 down to a size 8. I'm learning to buy with fashion in mind, instead of simply comfort. But I'm not buying myself anything more until I lose another 12 pounds. Then, I'll be within 5 lbs. of goal. Except maybe a pair of jeans. The 12's I'm wearing are swimming on me!

32. What kept you sane?

My husband. Believe it or not, my funny boss. And every one of you blog friends!!!

33. Which celebrity / public figure did you fancy most?

Two words: TAY DIGGS

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Probably best we not go there. It never ends well. LOL

35. Who did you miss?

My youngest daughter and baby grandson. I didn't get to see them as much as I would've liked.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

YOU guys!!!!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

That one has to live responsibly. That one needs to stop and think about what one eats, before they eat it. And decide if it's worth the calories/sugar content/fat before it enters the mouth, not afterward.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I got nothing. I listen to smooth jazz, which is predominantly instrumental. LOL That said, one of favorite quotes is:

We are not animals. We are not a product of what has happened to us in our past. We have the power of choice.

~ Stephen Covey

That, plus the quotes in my sidebar.

***********

P.S. 133.4. I lost .6 of a pound. Hope I greet 2010 at 133 even!

Have a great day, ladies! Last party night of the season! STAY TRUE TO YOUR GOALS!!!!

134.0

2009-12-30T07:46:00.001-08:00

Well, I lost .6 of the pound I gained from Hooter's. Not bad, given that I was only able to get a half hour (at lunch) of dancing in. My manicurist was running late, so there was simply no time last night (coz I didn't feel like it after dinner at 8 pm.) I'll take it.

Probably won't end 2009 at 133, but so what if it's 133.4 or 133.6? Close enough. I have lost 7 pounds since Thanksgiving and 67 pounds in 2009. Damned good enough.

Time to start thinking about new year / decade resolutions. My mindset on resolutions is that it's a nice reflection/planning tool for a new year, but once I hit the middle or end of January, I forget them like I forget my daily horoscope readings. LOL That said, it's nice to set a few goals for the new year. I'll devote tomorrow's post to that, and just general reflection on my journey in 2009.

TGIW! Meaning, today's my last day of work this week. Today's the last day of work for me "this year"....! LOL It'll be a busy one: I call it Spend Day. Today's the close of our fiscal year, so we have to spend all of the money remaining in the 2009 capitalized projects budget, or lose it. Several of our restaurants will be given new fridges, warming units, etc. LOL

Have a great day, stay warm, and stay true to your goals! Do NOT wait until 1/1 to get back/into the saddle!

As Expected

2009-12-29T05:53:00.000-08:00

No, I didn't take that photo. Might as well have, though. Yes, I had the onion rings at Hooters. (half of them. Almost.) I had 3-4 tiny BBQ ribs. (and by tiny, I mean that MAYBE they were 2 inches long. Each.) I had 4-5 tiny BBQ shrimp. (and by tiny, I mean put 2- 3 of them together, and you have a normal shrimp size.) I drank a ton of iced tea.

I gained a full pound. Was it 3,500 calories worth? Nope. Was it a full pound in weight? Maybe, almost, but all I had prior to that yesterday was half a bagel. Was it sodium loaded so I'm retaining fluid from it? Most definitely.

I did portion control. But when you eat salty, greasy food, it just.doesn't.matter.

Will I lose the pound by 12/31? Definitely. Can I add another .6 on top of that to be 133.0 for 12/31? Perhaps. Stayed tuned.

LOL

I laugh because it's GREAT to be kinda ticked off at being 134.6.

Have a GREAT day and stay true to your goals!!!

I'm the CHAMPION!!!

2009-12-28T10:02:00.000-08:00

I won my Fantasy Football League Super Bowl Championship! As a rookie! Out of 10 people, I'm the best! And I win $100 for the prize!!! wooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooo

I'm so jazzed! And I didn't even need my last player's score from tonight! We are going to Hooter's tonight. Had planned to anyhow, as it's the last Monday Night game of the season. Now, we have something extra to celebrate! I will splurge. It will, however, be a controlled splurge. Meaning I'll probably gain a pound, but not 2-3. LOL I won't have booze. I will have onion rings. I won't have breaded wings, but I will have wings. I'll probably have a couple of BBQ ribs, too. It's ok! I lost a full pound yesterday! I'm .4 pounds LESS than 12/23! Can't complain about that! True, I'd like to be 132-133 for New Year's Eve. I'm 133.6 right now. So like I said, I will splurge, but it will be a controlled splurge. Even if I'm 134 for Xmas Eve, that's ok!

I'm off today. Mom is still too sick to get together. We were going to see "It's Complicated." Not sure if I want to go alone. I do have other things I can do today before it's time to go grab the table at Hooter's. LOL Will definitely get a minimum of 45 min. of dance in.

I've decided that I will wait to start buying my new wardrobe until I hit 120. That's within 5 pounds of my ultimate goal, and so anything I buy at that size will fit five pounds less, or five pounds more. So, that means I'll probably start shopping the early part of February. Which is cool. I'm going to kick serious butt in January. 12 pounds lost minimum. January is going to be a serious transition month. From looking good/normal to looking slender. I can't wait! I also plan to start incorporating wii boxing and resort sports to start focusing on upper arm firming. I'm not bad there, but it's definitely the weakest link. That said, for being 58 and having lost almost 70 pounds in a little over 8 months, I'm amazed that there isn't more flab and wrinkles than what I've got. I'm VERY pleased with how well my body/skin has adjusted to all this loss at my (overly) ripe old age. LOL

Hope you are doing well! I seriously overdid the toffee sprinkles from the toffee sprinkled and chocolate glazed pretzels yesterday, but I had no lunch or any other type of snacking, and was cautious at dinner, so I guess those sprinkles didn't add up to much more than 150-200 calories total. I didn't eat the pretzels, just the chocolate and toffee sprinkles, and towards my end splurge, just sucked the chocolate off and ditched the rest. Which I know is a little twisted; I own that. LOL I felt sinful, but it was my one true holiday sweets splurge, and I made relatively sure I stayed within my caloric normal limits, which obviously succeeded since I lost a full pound. And I'm over them now. I saw the box this morning...I was glad there was only about a dozen left, but I had zero interest in even one more. It's all good.

Have a great day! It's only going to be a 2 day work week for me. YAY!

STAY TRUE TO YOUR GOALS!!!

Three types of people: slugs, hamsters, & hummingbirds

2009-12-27T08:49:00.000-08:00

I was over at Diane's blog this morning, commenting on her post today about holidays and food, and how to incorporate that into "real life" because there are always holidays and other special events in our lives. I related my post about holidays and events being scapegoats to our healthy diet plans. I suddenly came up with the analogy about how there are certain (very lucky) people who naturally seem to have the metabolisms of hummingbirds. You know the ones; skinny as can be, and yet eat dessert first and foremost. Those of us that are overweight are more like slugs. We hardly move. As we decide to get healthy, and start to exercise, we become more like hamsters. We work and work on that damnable hamster wheel (whatever our form of exercise is), all the while still (perhaps not for much longer) with a tendency to get plump if we overeat. Which we have to (perhaps forever) fight the tendency to do. Can hamsters ever truly become hummingbirds? Probably not. But it's the 'good fight' we all wage because we know it's the mature, responsible, healthy, life-elongating thing to do. Not even counting how good it makes us feel and look, and how the compliments follow when we succeed.

But life is full of hummingbirds, hamsters, and slugs. We all react differently to holidays, and all of the food that is inherent to them. Are you reacting this year as a hamster, or a slug? I hope you are all hamsters, running that wheel ragged, trying to become a hummingbird. LOL

Stay true to your goals! They are worthy goals, and attainable, and I KNOW you can do it! (p.s. I lost .8 of a lb. yesterday.)

Twas the Day After Christmas...

2009-12-26T08:40:00.000-08:00

...and I gained 1.4 pounds since 12/23. Big deal. I can have that off in a day, maybe a few. I ate responsibly, frugally, even, but I didn't get ridiculous about it. I made a fantastic ham with cherry glaze and millionaire potatoes for Christmas Eve, and enjoyed both in moderation. Christmas day, I had half a bagel while he enjoyed cinnamon rolls. I had probably half a dozen baked Lays chips with light french onion dip. I taste-tested my gravy with my daughters, but just dipped my spoon each time, rather than scooped it. I had turkey; one slice. I had my dressing; probably 1/2 a cup of it. I had my gravy, about half a dozen dip taste tests (yes, clean spoons all of us each time LOL), and probably 3 tablespoons on my dressing and turkey. I had about 3 tablespoons of my green bean dish, which is not the normal recipe you see for the holidays; it's MUCH better. I had a slice of my homemade garlic bread. I had the frosting (maybe 2 tablespoons worth) of the chocolate frosting on the cake. See, I enjoyed the meal. But I didn't have mashed potatoes and gravy, huge amounts of everything, more than one serving (my size serving) of anything, some of the cheesecake, booze, etc. It was a MAJOR victory for me. If I wasn't in the normal 1,000-1,200 calorie range, I know I wouldn't have gained an ounce. I'm truly ok for it. It was a beautiful day, nearly perfect (mom was sick and didn't come was the only flaw), and I ate responsibly but still enjoyed every bit of food that interested me and felt worth the calories. I cannot ask or expect more of myself than that. I'm at 135.4 the day after Christmas. I'm not perfect, but no one is. I've enjoyed the holidays, ate responsibly but happily, and am eager to reach my goal in probably 2 months and spend the rest of my life looking good, and being responsible for that. It's not just good, it's great!

I got great gifts, way more/better than I expected or probably deserve (LOL), and everyone loved what we got them, and my oldest grandson WAS over the moon with the wrestling tickets, and we discovered that his spring vacation IS the M-F that is the end of our trip, so at worst he'll only miss 2 days of school which even his jack-ass father (my ex son in law) can't bitch (too much) about. It will be a trip of a lifetime for the three of us!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, too. I know the holiday season isn't over, and many of us have leftovers of various kinds to perhaps struggle with; but remember, the choices are yours; do you want to put on another few pounds before 2010 rolls around, or get down to/back to business and start losing again? Which new year's eve scenario will make you proud of yourself? Now is the time to start living to that short-term goal DO YOURSELF PROUD AND BE TRUE TO YOUR GOALS.

Love you much! Stay warm!

Happy Birthday, My Wonderful Baby Girl!!!!

2009-12-24T09:12:00.000-08:00

Happiest of birthdays to my precious baby girl, Holly! A little after 4 pm this afternoon, she will be 33 years old!!!!!

And no, we didn't plan a Christmas baby. In fact, we planned AROUND it, because we already had enough birthdays and anniversaries in December. Holly was due 2/6, and was going to be named Amanda (Mandy.) But like her older sister (but for different reasons), Holly had a mind of her own and came six weeks early. That's ok, Holly is a perfect name for her. LOL

We made sure that she never "suffered" for having her birthday a day before Xmas. She always got birthday parties, and they were actually better attended than her sister's summer birthday parties; I think all the parents wanted their daughters out of the house for wrapping gifts time, etc. LOL We'd take them Christmas carolling as part of the party, with home made carolling books. If it was a slumber party, it was simply held the Saturday before her birthday, like everyone else did slumber birthday parties. She got a full set of gifts for both her birthday and for Xmas. Her only lament was "all my gifts come at once, and then that's it for the whole year." For that, I would always tease her "well if you had come in early February like you were SUPPOSED to..." LOL

Happy birthday, sweet girl. Your life has blessed mine in more ways than I could ever count.

THAT said, I lost 2 lbs!!!! OK, one of it was my bowels getting caught up, which I knew would happen, since I hadn't had a salad/fresh produce in several days, and I made sure I had broccoli-slaw for dinner. LOL I know, TMI. Whatever! I'm at 134.0 today! WOO HOO

Well, off to get the day started! Had a rough start, because the thermostat picked the coldest night of the year for the batteries to die, so it was 66 inside when I got up. I (not the dogs) got up at 3:30 this morning to put on sweats, despite my electric blanket being set at 8. I had a headache, it was so cold! Once we figured it out, at 7 am, we got that puppy going, so it's just now feeling more normal inside! geesh!

Anyhow, have a marvelous Christmas Eve, and a wonderful Christmas day. Much love to all of you.

STAY TRUE TO YOUR GOALS! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

In the home stretch!!!

2009-12-23T08:01:00.000-08:00

I hope you are all keeping warm! It's FREEZING here! Mid 30's last night, and will be through to the weekend, which is REALLY cold in southern CA. The dogs started whining in their room at about 3:30 in the morning; they weren't huddled under an electric blanket like we were. Should've just brought them in with us, but that would've required middle-of-the-night brain power, which apparently neither of us had. Will definitely have to set the heater a tad higher tonight.

Well, I'm at the exact same weight! My three meals came to 900 or so calories. I had one almond roca, and one homemade piece of caramel. No way were the 2 candy items a total of 300 calories, so.....since we had the leftover hamburger patties last night, I'm assuming it's still fluid retention. Tonight will be a salad for me, so I'll end that. Today is also my last day of work until Tuesday, and that means the end (I hope!) of tempting goodies here.

That said, I have lost 5 pounds since Thanksgiving, so I really can't complain. Obviously, though, two more killer days loom in front of me. Tomorrow, we are planning a ham and a recipe called "millionaire potatoes*." The ham will have a cherry glaze on it. The potatoes will have diet cream of chicken soup and nonfat sour cream instead of the regular fat versions of both, but still. I will have probably half a slice of ham, and no more than 1/2 cup of the potatoes. Only 2 meals. Half a bagel, lite margerine, and my almonds for the breakfast-lunch. And at least 1 hour of dance. That's the best I can do. Christmas...well, it will be a repeat of the Thanksgiving meal that I succumbed to. I will NOT repeat that mistake! I do not want to wake up on 12/26 at 140 again! No sirree!!!

Hope things are going well for all of you, and this storm isn't too miserable for you. I've read not-so-good things about the drive east of Colorado, so I'm worried about Anna and her husband. Hope they get to their destinations, and back, safely.

Have a wonderful FESTIVUS day. hehehe Stay true to your goals!!!

p.s. here's the regular recipe for Millionaire Potatoes:

2 lb. Frozen hashed browns (small cubes)
16 oz. sour cream
8 oz. shredded cheese (I use mild cheddar)
1 small yellow/brown onion, diced
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 stick butter (or equivilent)
corn flakes (1/4 large box or 1/2 small box)

Mix soup into the hashbrowns, add sour cream, onion, and cheese. Put into a greased baking pan. Mix together melted butter and crunched corn flakes, pour onto top to cover potatoes. Cook about 1 hour at 375 degrees.

My, How Times Change!

2009-12-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

I stepped on the scale this morning, and I was a pound heavier. ONLY thing that could explain it is that Mr. Sunny seasoned the hamburger patties a little heavy on the Lawry's Seasoned Salt side last night for dinner. They did seem a tad saltier than usual, and then I started nodding off on the sofa before 9 pm, so I didn't drink my usual amount that might have helped flush it out. I'm going to assume this is water retention, because it really couldn't be anything else.

But I was ticked this morning. Frustrated/ticked. I wanted to hit 134 by Xmas day, and here I was "back up" to 136.0. And about 10 seconds later, I started inwardly laughing. I'm pissed because I'm "back up to 136.0"...?! Oh Good Lord. Had you told me a year ago that I'd even BE at 136, let alone pissed at it, I would've thought you insane. I didn't think I'd ever see 136 again. So, yes, ohhhh, how times change.

I'm GLAD I'm ticked, though! It means I really am becoming one of "those" people; you know who I'm talking about; the skinny people who bitch and moan about every single little pound. Who once they DO gain even an ounce or two, go back onto Code Red Terror Alert™ until they lose that pesky ounce. Who don't even consider that it's going to STAY or get worse.

Yep, my, how times change since last year. It's all good.

I hope you have a great day, and be true to your goals!!!

8 months = 65.8 pounds

2009-12-19T07:30:00.001-08:00

Ohhhhh, how I wish I'd taken that photo. LOL

So yes! I'm 135.2 this morning. I've lost another 1.5 pounds in the past several days! Finally reached the 65 lb. lost marker! woooooooo hoooooooooooo

That means I've lost 65.8 in the eight months I've been dieting. I've lost 6 pounds since Thanksgiving! I've lost 2.8 pounds since LAST Saturday's weigh-in! Despite a holiday prime rib dinner at perhaps the finest restaurant in Orange County, a department lunch holiday party at Dave & Buster's, and lunch at BJ's Pizza Restaurant yesterday! I'm rockin' it!

Yes, this past week I decided to stop "maintaining" for the holidays, and use the NON-holiday event days to kick some butt. And it's obviously working. But when I woke up this morning, I thought about a post I had written six days into this journey. It was about living a "scapegoat" life. i.e., about always using excuses for NOT eating / living healthy that (any) particular day. The self-discovery step inside my mind that lead to that post, so early on my journey, was a life-(game) changing milestone for me. It was the beginning of me stopping living my life in a knee-jerk reaction, and starting taking active responsibility for my choices. Let me re-post it here, now:

How many times have we fatties* said, “It’s the weekend! I’m not eating this every day!” or “I’m really stressed out! I’m not eating this all the time!” or “I’m bored, so just this tiny bit” or “It’s so delicious! I don’t get to have this every day so I’m going to enjoy it!” or “I don’t get to this restaurant very often (or eat out very often), so I’m going to enjoy myself!” and then, before we know it, you add up all the little excuses and reasons for eating what we KNOW we shouldn’t…and suddenly we are dozens and dozens of pounds over weight. IT HAS TO STOP. Seriously. Literally. IT HAS TO STOP.

I’m discovering that it’s becoming fun to quietly, inwardly challenge myself in those times now. Instead of giving in to the easy fall-back/eat it mode, I’m challenging myself to eat during those times healthy and within the caloric framework I know I need to continue at to lose all of the weight I need to lose. Can I go to any restaurant and personalize a meal enough to meet my new dietary standards? I’ve just made it a game. Prove to myself with a little forethought, I can pick a meal I like, have the kitchen sparse out the naughty elements of it, and end up eating a healthy meal that I still enjoy. I’m competitive by nature, so it was just a matter of finding a way to challenge myself (and restaurant kitchens), to do it my new way. So far, it’s working. and I feel GREAT for pulling it off, each time that I do. The self pats-on-the-back last far, far longer than the taste of the old food would’ve. i.e., the rewards are better and longer lasting. Isn’t that cool?!

* I am what I am. I'm not going to deny it, because it's not going to last much longer. LOL

So there you have it. And that SO COMPLETELY applies to this 'holiday season.' We start with, really, Halloween, and from that point forward, right through 1/1, we have excuses to overeat. December is the worst. And we keep saying, "I'll get better again after the holidays/after the first of the year." But then that rolls around, and suddenly there is a Super Bowl, then Valentine's Day, then Easter, ad nauseum. And we end up never really losing much of anything, and frankly, most likely GAINING. That's how we ALL got here. The only way to get the extra, unhealthy weight off is to break the cycle, and break it FOR GOOD. None of us want to do it, but it's the only way. We have to pay the price for our decades of daily "not today because" sins to get rid of all the dozens of extra pounds it has put on us. We have to live responsibly. That doesn't mean we can't still have fun/enjoy life doing it. WE CAN. And we have to remember that being a healthy weight, looking and feeling good in our own skin....is the most fun of all. We have to practice delayed gratification until we get there. Because the only other alternative is a sickly, miserable, embarrassing life leading to an early death. Is that what you want? Isn't it worth it to give up the holiday treats the remainder of this year and kick your own butt to end up a happier person come January 2nd?

Choice is yours. Please make the right ones, and stay true to your goals!!!

I Did It!!!

2009-12-17T07:58:00.000-08:00

24.9 = "normal weight" BMI!!!!!!!

Despite the holiday lunch party yesterday at Dave & Busters!

wooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooo

I lost a pound yesterday! For breakfast, I had my normal half a bagel, but skipped (actually, unintentionally) my morning whole almonds. At the party, I had a salad with blue cheese dressing on the side, and didn't even consume a full tablespoon of the dressing. Ate a few croutons, but not all. Had the Black Jack BBQ chicken with "loaded" mashed potatoes and green beans. Ate all the BBQ chicken breast. Skimmed the "loaded" (barely) top of the mashed potatoes, left the rest. Green beans were nasty; left those. Dessert that I chose was the caramel-pecan covered cheesecake. I ate all of the caramel sauce, most of the pecans, and scrapings of the cheesecake to go with that. Probably didn't amount to more than 1.5 tablespoons, maybe 2, of cheesecake. Drank nothing but unsweetened ice tea. Skipped dinner.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you guys are hanging in there. I know we are getting into crunch time, re goodies everywhere. BE TRUE TO YOUR GOALS. Don't end up having to spend all of January recouping from your December transgressions! LOL

Not Today

2009-12-16T05:50:00.000-08:00

Gained .6 lb. No rhyme nor reason. Sometimes it just happens. What that means, however, is that I must be better today, despite my office lunch party at Dave & Busters. So, cheesecake with caramel-pecan? 1 forkful, at most. And probably no dinner, since lunch, even making it low carb (well, except that one forkful) will be high enough in calories that dinner will not work (and I'll probably still be too full anyhow.)

C'est la vie.

Also, never got any exercising in yesterday, which is rare. But I got a 10 minute lunch, and then after work went for my manicure, and then right after dinner worked until 10:30. Literally no time to exercise. So, I could be retaining some fluids. I'll make sure I exercise tonight while watching the game.

Not deterred. Not one.tiny.bit.

I shall prevail!

Have a great day and stay true to your goals!

.2 pounds to go!!!!

2009-12-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

Yep, lost another .6 pounds yesterday...only .2 lb. to go until I am officially in "normal weight" BMI land! woo hoooooooooooooooo

That said, I have a funeral to go to today, and one on Friday. Today's is for one of our ex-techs, who my boss termed in the summer. Long story; my boss let the guy last about 6-9 months longer than anyone else would've (me included.) It's a very long, sad story, but the guy turned to drugs as his way to deal with his problems. Even his wife left him, too. Cause of death still hasn't been determined. This will be an awful, awkward event. :(

One Friday is for a co-worker's elderly mom who was diagnosed with lung cancer last spring and, in her mid-80's, refused chemo/surgery. So not unexpected, although she went from hanging in there to gone in less than a week. We all thought she'd last until the spring, so this will be sad.

Tomorrow is my department's Xmas party at lunch at Dave n Buster's. So a very, very weird week.

Hang in there through the hustle and bustle of this week, and stay true to your health goals!!!

Game On!!!

2009-12-14T08:08:00.000-08:00

We had a MARVELOUS dinner on Saturday at Lawry's Five Crowns Restaurant! The prime rib was fantastic, the creamed spinach, the Stilton salad, even the mashed potatoes/gravy, Yorkshire Pudding and Whiskey infused bread pudding that I allowed myself. Ate too much? Sure. Kinda. But not bad. But I haven't been to this restaurant in over 8 years. We agreed it won't be that long again.

Brought home leftovers, too. And/but I decided yesterday/Sunday morning ENOUGH ALREADY. Enough stalling/treading water. I want to get back in the game, and lose these final 20 or so pounds! No more maintaining status quo. I haven't earned that yet! So, I was back to hardcore yesterday. Hardcore eating, hardcore dancing. I got up, and danced a full half hour before the opening kickoff at 10 am. I danced a FULL hour before the 1 pm kickoffs, too! I ate very stingy, although I did enjoy the leftover prime rib for dinner. But during mid-afternoon Sunday game munchies time, I had 3 celery sticks with my allotted 3 tablespoons of onion dip, that was made with non-fat sour cream. Calories wasn't bad-I was restricting my sodium intake. I had one low-fat Jimmy Dean sausage and 12 low-fat Wheat Thins for breakfast. I did have about 3 low-fat Ruffles chips with the dip, and probably a half dozen (extremely low-carb) pork rinds with the dip, too. And a Michelob Ultra (2.6 grams carbs, 95 calories) beer. That was "lunch." Dinner, I had the prime rib, the leftover mild horseradish cream, and a forkful of the creamed spinach and mashed potatoes/gravy. That was it! No Nuggets, no cookies, nada!

My reward? I'm a full pound lighter than I was for my weekly Saturday weigh-in! I'm only 2 oz. from my contest weigh-in, which is my low point so far! My goal is to lose another 2 lbs. by Saturday. That is aggressive. I know it. Especially since we have our departmental holiday lunch at Dave n Buster's Wednesday afternoon. Nevertheless, as the title of this post says, GAME ON. I want to lose 4-5 lbs. by the end of the month/year. I have putzed around for a few weeks; I'm done putzing around. I will be good between now and Christmas Day....enjoy Christmas Day, and then be good the rest of the year. We'll be staying home for New Year's, so I can enjoy a nice steak dinner and still be good. As far as any remaining goodies....I will allow myself 40-50 calories worth a day. Same as if it was a chocolate Nugget. That's it!

I know some of you are struggling. That makes me sad. Know that I am here for you. I know it's so hard to resist goodies now, plus it's a naturally depressing time of the year if you aren't living the Ward and June Cleaver lifestyle. (who is?) So just feel my big ole arms wrapped around you.

Hitting a Grand Slam to Win the World Series!

2009-12-12T09:12:00.001-08:00

You know, in this day and age of giving gift cards, it's hard to 'hit a home run' when it comes to giving someone EXACTLY the perfect gift. To find something for someone that would be the equivilent of the very best gift they have EVER gotten in their entire life, is like hitting a grand slam to win the World Series! Well, this morning, Mr. Sunny and I have gotten that GRAND SLAM TO WIN THE WORLD SERIES Christmas gift for my oldest grandson! A bit of background...

This grandson is turning 13 in mid May. He's a huge Angels fan, so we already told him that, for his 13th birthday, we are taking him alone (not with his mom) with us to Arizona for our (Mr. Sunny and my) annual "spring (training) Mecca trip" to Arizona. He was SO STOKED to hear that! (and my daughter, tres jealous. LOL) We'll go for 4-5 days. Just the 3 of us. See a couple of Angels games, and a Cubs game for Mr. Sunny. Weather in the 80's, my best friend and her husband live in Scottsdale so we'll see them for a nice dinner at their amazing home, just hang out the 3 of us. Have a blast. Now, this grandson is, of course, as all 12 year old boys usually are, quite into pro wrestling. Talking about this trip a few months ago, he mentioned that he thought Wrestlmania was going to be in Arizona too, in 2010, but he didn't know when. We didn't remember the conversation (in the front of our minds), and it was dropped/nothing done about it. Well, I looked this morning, and sure enough, it's going to be in AZ at the same time we can go for spring training. However, tickets at Ticket Master were $250 for the main level, and almost $100 up in the really high seats. Which I wouldn't mind at an indoor venue, but this is at a university football stadium, so that is REALLY high seats for an event like this, and GS has poor vision, even with glasses....so it didn't seem worth it. Then I checked Stub Hub, and we got lower level, only row 18 AWESOME tickets for $100'ish each! We snapped them right up! (we also bought through Ticketmaster WWE Monday Night Raw tickets for the next night at another venue, as a back-up)..... so, Christmas Day, that will be THE last gift opened, and oh my Lord, that boy is going to go through the absolute roof! It will be like the very best thing ever, and it will be a moment/day to remember forEVER!!!!! The kid is borderline special needs, is on heavy meds for OCD, so once he gets hold of this, there will be nothing else on his mind the entire rest of the day. WE SHOOT! WE SCORE!!!!

I CANNOT WAIT!!!!

I lost .4 lb. yesterday, too. Despite repeated nibbles of the best cinnamon-sugar coffee cake ever (well, all the nibbles didn't even equate to even one thin slice LOL), and lunch out (my Islands Friday special of a thin, skinless chicken breast grilled with some pepper jack cheese on top, and 4 onion rings), and dinner consisting of 1 leftover beef rib, about 3 tablespoons of those amazing baked beans, 1/4 cup of steamed vegetables (squash and carrots), and a 1.5 inch square slice of that corn bread. yummers!

Tonight is dinner at Five Crowns, with the best prime rib EVAH. It's pouring outside right now, and I need to run a few errands in it, but this is already a FANTASTIC day!!!!

Have a great Saturday, and stay true to your goals!!!

TGIF!!!

2009-12-11T07:47:00.001-08:00

Although the hustle and bustle of Christmas in the 21st century is ridiculous, I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS. Downsizing a bit has made it much more enjoyable this year. Not buying gifts (even mini gifts) for 20-25 "close" co-workers brings great freedom! I guess as long as I have this job I'll always be harried in December, but it's ok. It's without a doubt the best job I ever had. I love my work, love my boss, love the bulk of my co-workers, and believe in my company and what we do. The pay is decent, the hours are what I want, and really, I couldn't ask for more. Yes, December is NUTS here, especially for those of us responsible for any accounting...as we close our fiscal year with the calendar year, so we are going crazy making sure all projects are done (or at least identified so we can accrue if necessary.) Add that on top of normal personal holiday hustle and bustle, and I NEED to collapse in front of the TV each night promptly at 8 pm to get some relaxation in.

But this is the first year in decades that I'm actually healthy. I exercise every single day now, even though dancing is my mode of exercise and thereby brings joy each time its done. I think it's made my stress level better. We all know the scientific proof of how regular exercise reduces stress level, and I believe it now. Yes, I'm still stressed, but for the most part, I'm not snapping at anyone. (well, except for that bitch who cut me off the other day "merging" into my lane without looking for my approval. LOL) I'm not 'reduced to tears' like I used to be. So yes, I'm stressed, but it's a controlled stress. It's manageable. And, for the first time, when I feel myself getting uber stressed, I just get up and MOVE. I know the value of physical activity. If nothing else, this has been such a real blessing. Such a real gift I've given myself in 2009; the gift of loving to move.

So, Mr. Sunny had his office Xmas party last night (well, late afternoon into early evening.) First time family wasn't invited, but hey, it's the economy. They partied at Newport Rib Company. Need I say more? I was lucky; he brought home an entire beef rib (my favorite food evah) dinner for me. Four gigantor beef ribs, a baked potato with sour cream, a container of baked beans, a container of bbq sauce, a container of warm corn bread, a container of honey butter, a container of cantaloupe. I WAS FLOORED. Well, I ate 2 ribs, the equivilent of about a 2 inch slice of the corn bread everso lightly buttered with the honey butter, and about a quarter cup of the beans, which ended up being the best restaurant baked beans I've ever had.

Was it too much? Probably, a little. Again, I am dipping my toes in the "maintenance lifestyle" this holiday season. The effect on the scale this morning? Up 2 ounces. Big friggin deal. The old Sunny would've eaten 3-4 (all) of the ribs, all of the loaded baked potato, all of the corn bread, and most of the beans. Probably about 2,000 more calories than I actually consumed. And because I wasn't such a glutton, he and I have dinner. We'll each take a rib, he'll have the potato, and we'll share the remaining corn bread and beans. I'll be eating less than I did last night, and it's all good. Funny thing is, I was craving ribs. So it's all good indeed.

I keep hovering right at the 138.0-138.4 mark. I've been here for over a week. But I've also indulged everso slightly in some holiday goodies and meals. Tomorrow, we are going to Five Crowns restaurant for our "just the two of us" holiday treat. He's never been there in the seven years he's lived here. They are a Lawry's restaurant, so their prime rib is to die for. The best thing about visiting there this time of the year is they have fully garbed "Old English" carolers going table to table singing Christmas carols. It couldn't be more cool. I'm so excited! I'll enjoy the prime rib, and their Stilton Salad is unbelievable. I'll have a small amount (tablespoon or so) of their amazing creamed (slightly garlicked) spinach, and a bite or two or three of their Yorkshire Pudding. And probably bring enough leftovers home for Sunday's dinner.

Life.is.good.
Mr. Sunny is taking today off, and he's doing me the HUGE favor of printing the address labels for the Xmas cards, putting them and the return address labels on all of the envelopes, and stamping them! All I have to do is add greetings inside, and those puppies will be out the door! He's also going to put up the 4 ft. tree in the office so all I have to do is decorate it, and grocery shop for me. What an amazing man I married!

Have a great weekend everyone, and stay true to your goals!!!

Is It Friday Yet?

2009-12-10T05:35:00.001-08:00

No, that's not my place, or anywhere I know. But I imagine it looks like this around many of you right now. I hope you are keeping warm and safe. We here in normally sunny southern California are just getting out of frigid temps from this storm we sent your way, so I can imagine how freezing it is throughout the rest of the country right now. Nasty storm! And more expected for this weekend here, but not as dramatic I don't think...

Sorry I didn't post or even read blogs yesterday (well, I finally was able to read some late last night.) I was SLAMMED at work, and the only way to avoid bringing work home was to not play at work yesterday. Yeesh! Buried in special projects, and right when I'm normally slammed anyhow, getting ready to close the fiscal year. Probably won't get a whole lot better/lighter at work until mid January!!!

Got another "tower" of goodies from another vendor yesterday. It probably will be almost every day now. I have hundreds of vendors, all wanting to continue getting our business. So even in this economy (perhaps because of it?)...they are courting me and my boss. Yesterday's "haul" was 3 different boxes of cookies. Tiny "crunchy chocolate chip" cookies in the smallest box, and two more boxes with progressively larger/more cookies including soft chocolate chip cookies, oatmeal raisin cookies, and traditional butter cookies with frosting. Funny thing is, (GREAT THING) with each of these food gifts that have come, have come sheets with the nutritional information of everything! So I don't have to guess! I know I can allow myself one 45 calorie mini cookie a day, or 1/4 of a regular non-frosted cookie a day (in lieu of my normal Nugget.) So, that's what I'm doing. I gave Mr. Sunny the frosted cookies. I know my limits.

Yesterday he and I met at one of my restaurants, so he could sample a new thing we will be introducing in January. (Sorry Bee, you'll just have to wait to find out!) I had one of the tacos, scooping out the filling and not eating (much) of the shell. And one of our during-the-holidays-only chicken tamales. Because of the corn meal/masa ingredients, I ate light at dinner. (well, even lighter than normal.) I only got in a half hour of dance last night, because our master bath rugs disintegrated in the wash and I had to replace them...plus it was my night to do my football pool group picks (as well as my own)....I'm every bit as slammed at home as I am at work. I still have a 4 ft. tree to put up/decorate in our office, finish my non-mall shopping, wrap gifts, do the Xmas cards, and make another 3-loaf batch of pumpkin bread. All hopefully by Monday. eek! I told my boss I'm working from home on Monday. I can get more done in 2-3 hours at home than I can in a full 8 hours at the office. LOL (meaning, perhaps I can get the wrapping and / or the baking done on Monday, too...) hee hee

So, that's all I have going here. Weight is staying the same. Sometimes dropping 2-4 ounces a day, sometimes not. And frankly, I'm ok with that. I'm not a saint. But I also am not putting on 3-10 pounds this month, either. So I reach goal in March instead of February. Will that really kill me? NO Will it make this month more enjoyable? HELL YES. The fact I'm actually opening and looking at calorie contents of cookies and adjusting accordingly so totally proves how responsible I'm living and eating these days. I am not the same person I was. I actively chose to squeeze in 30 min. of dance last night, telling Mr. Sunny that dinner would be 15 min. later than our normal time, so that I could dance. Oh hell yes, I'm a different, better woman. :)

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!!!

The See's Candy Holiday Dilemma!!!

2009-12-08T07:44:00.000-08:00

I have a 2 pound box of that candy (that box, doubled. Two-layers!) open on my back credenza. I have set aside 4 pieces of the chocolate with almond pieces from the first layer alone, and zip lock bagged them for me. I looked them up on line, they are 80 calories each.

I have a problem. A serious problem.

I could dole out these to myself, one a day. The damage wouldn't be immense. With a 2 pound box, I could do this for probably close to two weeks, allowing others to eat all the rest. I will get, probably, at least two to three more one pound boxes of the same candy from various people before Xmas.

But if I add an extra 80 calories a day to my 1,200 allottment, even as part of the 1,200 allottment, I flirt seriously with trouble. Now, I DO allow myself one 45 calorie Hershey's Nugget daily. On an otherwise low-calorie day, I sometimes even allow 2. So, frankly, the 80 calorie See's chocolate isn't hugely different. And yet, I am seriously questioning whether I should do this. I have two choices:

1. I can do it. I will watch the rest of my daily intake even closer than normal. Maybe even add an extra 15 min. of dance in, in the evening, to help offset it.

2. I can say NO this year. Just.refuse.to.do.it. While it's most certainly the "high road" to take, will the deprivation ultimately work against me?

I DON'T KNOW.

This is new ground for me. I'm 20 lbs. away from my ideal low goal weight. I'm 2 lbs. away from a normal BMI. I'm looking great, feeling great, in control. Will this See's candy torpedo me, even for a few weeks? (more emotionally than physically?) I honestly don't know, but I do realize it's potential to do so. But, like I said, will depriving myself of it torpedo me even worse? While I AM a Control Freek™ and do need to maintain control, it IS a fine line between control and deprivation.

I seriously don't know what to do. In the meantime, they will stay in the baggy.

Obviously, I am coming to you for your input. Don't sugar-coat it. Don't tell me to do it just to make me "feel better" about it. Let's rationally analyze this. I'm an OCD Virgo (I'm guessing a good many Control Freeks are. LOL) I've spent the bulk of my life just eating the holiday Sees. It ends up being 3 full weeks of nonstop chocolate. I clearly won't be doing that. But even one piece a day is 3 full weeks of chocolate. Just not nonstop. I DO do a Hershey's Nugget each day, so is it really different? Just the concept that it's See's?

arghhhhh

Will I better stay true to my goals by allowing the 80 calories bit of heaven each day, or by abstaining? I'm mulling it. I need your input. Thanks!

UPDATE: Oh good Lord, I just got a "Tower of Sweets" from Wine Country Gift Baskets from another vendor. This is out of control, and it's only 12/8...

Brownies Day™

2009-12-07T08:43:00.001-08:00

Yes, it's "Brownies Day" at work today! Brownies for everyone this afternoon! I've got my game plan. I'm taking one brownie. I will cut myself no more than a one inch by one inch slice of it. The rest gets baggied up and taken home to Mr. Sunny. I will NOT let my love of brownies de-rail me. I already gained .6 lbs. since Saturday morning. I had a shitty fantasy football game day yesterday. I had a Michelob Ultra beer (95 calories) and a couple of chips with the cheese queso sauce for afternoon munchies instead of just celery sticks with it. I owned my evil then, and I own it now. But I will NOT compound it today. I plan to have those .6 pounds GONE by tomorrow morning at this time!

That's about it! It's raining all day today, and supposed to be really nasty heavy rain and high winds for the drive home. Joy joy.

Oh well, at least I look really cute today in yet another new top. Read yesterday's post, too, if you haven't. My mom is THE BEST.

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!!!

Feelin' Good!

2009-12-06T09:20:00.000-08:00

So we got to my mom's yesterday morning, and she said "Sunny, you look amazing! I LOVE that top on you! I'm so proud of you!" and then she handed me a card. I opened it, and it was a "I'm so proud of you and congratulations" card. And inside of that card was TEN $50 bills!!! For new clothes!!!! OMG OMG OMG Talk about being floored!!!!! I couldn't believe it!!!

Beyond that, we had an awesome day! The meal was delicious and very easy to stay within South Beach guidelines, the Christmas show was amazing, and all of my mom's tiny little 80-95 year old friends kept telling her (in my ear shot, obviously) how beautiful I was. And my mom kept thanking them and whispering (in my ear shot, obviously) that I had lost over 60 pounds since April. They all were clucking their approval, and many of them came to me personally and told me how beautiful I was, how impressed they were with my accomplishment, and how lucky my mother was to have such a wonderful daughter.

best.day.in.a.long.time.

I feel so blessed to have gotten to this point with my mom. To say we have had a very rough road to this would be a huge understatement. Suffice it to say that, at my own counselor's suggestion, I DIVORCED my parents in my mid-late 40's. It was that bad. Now, we couldn't be closer. It's a wonderful thing. With her at age 84, and 14 years into a type of leukemia that is slow growing but she already should've passed away from....every day is a blessing. Let alone special memory-making days like this.

Life is GREAT!

SMALL

2009-12-05T07:36:00.001-08:00

After work last night, I went to Stein Mart for the first time. I wanted to find 1-2 holiday'ish tops, that weren't too big. I was thrilled to discover that ALL the size medium tops I put on fit! It was simply a matter of finding the one that seemed the best style/color for me. Then, I grabbed a couple of size SMALL tops, because a couple I liked in a medium seemed a tad loose.

OH MY GOD THE SMALLS FIT TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I BOUGHT ONE SMALL AND ONE MEDIUM!!!!!

I'M WEARING A SIZE SMALL TOP TO THE HOLDAY PROGRAM WITH MY MOM TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!

HEART BE STILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and, I stepped on the scale this morning, and I dropped ANOTHER 1.6 lb. from yesterday morning! I'm only .8 pounds away from my final BL contest weigh-in weight! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.5 lbs. away from a normal BMI!!!!!!!!!!!!

With any luck, next Saturday morning, babeeee!!!!

God I love this new life! My mom is going to be so stoked when she sees me! She was so excited for me last night when I called her, and she said she's been bragging to all of her girlfriends about all the weight I've lost! Mr. Sunny was so supportive, and so happy for my size small purchase last night. He can't wait to see me in it!

Have a beautiful Saturday, my friends. Stay true to YOUR goals!!!

TGIF to the max!!!

2009-12-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

I rarely screw up at work, but I screwed up royally. Amongst my many jobs is to handle the fleet for our company. Part of that includes terming fuel cards for employees that term. Well, we termed a mid-level exec, and it never occurred to me to term the fuel card. Wellllll, ends up the ass has used it about 10 times since he was termed mid November. To the tune of over $500. I had to not only tell my boss, but tell HIS boss (Sr. VP of Operations) about my faux pas. Now true, H/R has a checklist that they clearly didn't follow on this (or they would've recovered the fuel card and/or notified me officially to cut it off). Still, I was the fail safe. I should've known to do it without being told. I just wasn't thinking. I FEEL AWFUL.

Oh well, at least they aren't beating me up (to my face) over it. Our Risk department is going to take legal action against him over it. It certainly reinforced why they canned him, I guess.

So, I've been feeling awful about this since I discovered it late yesterday afternoon. Of course I termed his card immediately. I had to get his exact term date from H/R, so I couldn't send the details to the Sr. VP until this morning. :: sigh ::

I can't wait for the work day to end.

That said, I lost another .4 lb. yesterday. Tomorrow is going to be crazy; we are going to pick up my mom at 9:30 am and go on a seniors excursion...we'll drive to a really nice restaurant for lunch, then on to a jr. college for a Christmas program. We don't think we'll be back home before 6-7 pm. LONG DAY. fun, but long.

Hope you have a nice weekend! Stay true to your goals, my friends!

p.s. sorry about adding a word verification thing, but I've been hit daily with spam comments for the past week and a half.

A Perfect Size Eight!!!!

2009-12-03T07:50:00.000-08:00

Need I say more?!?!?! My new size 8 petite slacks came, and they all fit PERFECTLY! OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

And to top things off, I lost 1.4 pounds yesterday! I can't remember the last time I lost more than .8 pounds in a single day! It's been months!

and I'm back in the 130's again! WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I will NEVER hit 140 again!!!

In case you didn't read my comments section in yesterday's post, on my way to work yesterday, I had an "AHA!" moment. I accepted the fact that I AM a control freak™, and that I had struggled with this past week because I had given up control for that period of time. Once I embraced my control freakiness, my mental outlook changed immediately, and I'm back in control. It was a very, very valuable lesson. As a society, we look at "control freaks" as being a negative thing, but really, in the real scope of mature, responsible living, being in control is a GOOD thing. Something to be celebrated, not denegrated. I realized when I keep myself to my 1,200 calories a South Beach day plan, I do well. When I relinquish that control over the calories number, havoc wreaks. What a relief to have it figured out! It also makes the vast landscape of "maintenance" on the horizon not so scary, because now I have a game plan for it! My maintenance game plan will be 1,400 calories a day, with up to one day a week splurge allowed. (splurge = 1,800 calories tops.) This will be very doable, and because it's controlled, with a very specific numerical assignment attached to it, it will keep me focused and in control. I like the straight and narrow, in case you haven't noticed. NOT having boundaries gets me in trouble every time. I DO realize that perhaps I'll discover that 1,400 isn't the precisely right number. I realize that means there will be a period of "discovery" where I test the numbers and see what works to keep my maintenance weight. That's ok. I have nothing but time for that. That is why I'm aiming for the low end of "normal" BMI...so I have some "wiggle room." I want a good 10 lbs. I can play with, but plan to only play with 5 pounds. If I find myself hitting that 5 pounds point, I'll jump right back to the 1,200 plan until I lose it. NEVER EVER (while I still have my wits about me LOL) will I be any size larger than an 8! My goal is actually a size 6. It WILL happen! Hopefully by Valentine's Day! Hey! Stream of consciousness....my goal is a HOT size 6 Victoria's Secret teddy for Valentine's Day!

OH HELL YES! I'm thinking something like this:

See? 59 doesn't mean dead, ladies. Age is a state of mind. I'm DEFINITELY going to be hotter at 59 than I was at 49!!!

Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, boys and girls!

Have a great day, and stay true to YOUR goals, my friends!!!

Muddling Along...

2009-12-02T05:28:00.001-08:00

I flat out over-ate yesterday. Not badly. Not binge-like. Just, too much. Not too much at any one time, any one meal. Just enough that I knew I'd have gained a bit back again. And sure enough, I did. Frankly, I've been feeling a tad out of control since my trip to Outback. I think I was so incredibly good for so long, it was time for some rebellion. I DO NOT KNOW WHY, other than that. And as I've admitted before, it scared me, because I thought I was beyond that. I knew every moment that what I was doing was wrong, totally counter-productive, and yet, I couldn't quite get a grip on it and STOP. I had lost .6 lb. of it, but still didn't feel in control. We had lunch brought in yesterday....I ate what I have been eating when that happens, but just a tiny bit extra of it. There were 7 trays of homemade cookies (Xmas goodies, here we go!)....I ate 1 chocolate chip cookie. I went back 3-4 times for an extra chip with guacamole. At dinner, I didn't have any starch, but I had an extra spoonful or two of my food. I had an extra 1/4 cup of grated cheese. See? Not major faux pas, but enough to guarantee I wouldn't lose, and most likely (cumulative), would gain. Oh, and let's not forget two (not one) Hawaiian chocolate with macadamia nuts.

ugh.

Thank GOD for Biggest Loser last night! It was an awesome episode, and I truly believe it got me refocused. As usual, I did dance during every single commercial break, plus I danced for 20 min. after I got home from my manicure. I feel I'm finally back on target. But jiminy cricket, it was a FULL WEEK of naughtiness! I know each and every one of you can identify with how TERRIFYING it is that I allowed myself to slip for an entire seven days like that. I SO COMPLETELY and totally had convinced myself for the better part of seven MONTHS that that was no longer possible. It terrifies me that I proved to myself that oh hell yes it is still possible. WHY WHY WHY must I sabotage myself? Not for all the tea in China would I go back to the old life. WHY did I flirt with that for an entire week? Why couldn't I reign myself back in sooner? Until I can dig within and discover why, I know I am suseptible (sp?) to that happening again. And that truly scares the hell out of me.

Right now, all I can hope is that terror keeps me reigned in. But it's so unsettling to be afraid of one's self, you know? I can be in control today, tomorrow, but who knows about 3 days from now? How am I supposed to get through a life of maintenance when I get there? I have to get that figured out because I'm on the cusp of maintenance. I am 6 lbs. away from a normal BMI, which most of us admit is a low number. Sure, I was hoping to lose 20 lbs. past that. Still am. But 20 isn't that much. It's doable in less than 3 months. Then comes the rest of my life. How do I juggle allowing more carbs in, without going overboard? I'm mostly a pretty 'black and white' kinda gal. South Beach Phase II is good because it doesn't allow much-especially when one really waivers more at Phase 1.5.

On the plus side, I haven't avoided the scale. I've weighed daily to regulate myself, and I've owned my evil. I have to hope that's a step in the right direction. I just have to analyze myself, my actions, and figure out why I allowed myself to waiver for seven freakin' days in a row. Why I couldn't reign myself in better. Because seven days leads to seven weeks, and that leads to seven months, and so on....and I WILL NOT RETURN TO THAT LIFE. I am just perplexing myself. Why am I suddenly fighting this? I know how important it is to continue on. I know how critical it is that I eat healthy like this for life. For my longevity, for how much better I actually feel, for the increased energy, for the self esteem, for everyone else who is proud of me. I don't want to let them OR myself down! I have all the reasons in the world to continue, and not a single one to fail. So why have I allowed the better part of seven days of failure? Again, not big time failure....the more dangerous incidious tiny bit here and there type of failure.

:: sigh :: Thanks for listening to my trip down into backhanded narcissism. Today is a new day. Every day is a new day to make my life right. I can choose to live responsibly (and proud) or not. I must choose to be an adult...not an idiotic child. Choice is mine. I want to step back up onto the Healthy and Proud of It train. The "short bus" is no fun!

Moral Compass

2009-12-01T08:03:00.000-08:00

What in the world am I talking about? I'm talking, on the surface, about the Tiger Wood's fiasco. But I'm reaching deeper than that. I'm wanting to talk about our (collective "our") moral fiber. Our moral compasses-both as individuals, and as a society. Let me start...

I'm a huge PGA fan. HUGE. I'd rather sit and watch a good golf tournament (live or on TV) than almost anything (except a NFL game. and sometimes the golf trumps even that.) Golf is gorgeous. Who can sit at a "signature hole" at a golf tournament and not have a great day? Nature at its best (with man's help, of course.) The intrigue and yes, excitement, of men trying to defy nature and put tiny balls in big holes with huge clubs. What's not to love? And, like Kobe Bryant, I'm seeing yet another sports icon bite the dust. But what is getting me is so many people's reaction. The "who cares?" reaction. The "leave the man alone" reaction. See, I don't get that. Tiger Woods didn't just walk into the public arena, he marched into it. He is, by his own choice, the most marketed face in sports, if not in life, period. He has been hawking himself out for a number of years. He has become the first BILLION DOLLAR athlete....because of all the multi-million dollar endorsements he has chosen to do. While asking for a private life, he couldn't have done much more to make himself a very, very public figure. Now, it seems, he's personally screwed up. While one can argue that perhaps he isn't guilty of cheating on his wife, his very actions (I mean lack thereof) are (to me) pretty telling. Call me judgmental; I've been called worse. But when someone walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, I tend to assume it's likely a duck. That said, what is my problem with all this? I think if one is going to lay one's self out there as a public figure, hawk one's self out...one has to take the bad right along with the good. If you make yourself out to be a role model, then if you fall from grace, you need to accept culpability for that. I believe Tiger has ruined himself as a role model. What galls me is that people are accepting of this fall from grace, like it's no big deal. Like infidelity is ok. Like it's acceptable. Is that really the message we want to send our children? What's happened to our moral fiber/moral compasses? It's not ok. Cheating is not ok. It destroys lives. No matter how "worthy" the rationale for the cheating. Been there. Done that. Both sides. I know. Not proud of it, and/but I've made my peace with all involved, and most importantly, God. Cheating kills the soul. Every.single.time. And the collateral damage is usually irreprepable. Because cheating kills trust. Trying to forgive and forget? Well, one might forgive, but one never, EVER forgets. There is simply no unringing that bell.

And, from all indications, I think Tiger is guilty. I can't prove it. I can only look at the evidence (such as it is), and the whole situation stinks to high heaven. And I just wish Tiger would "man up" and own his evil. He owes it to his adoring public. He owes it to his charities (one of which he is ditching this weekend). He owes it to his sponsors. He owes it to the PGA. He owes it to the millions of children worldwide who look up to him, or have. Right or wrong, he doesn't have the luxury of living a private life. His life is public. He made it public. How he handles this situation says so much about him, and his moral fiber. And the way the public reacts to this situation, I think, states volumes about their moral fiber, too. And frankly, I think the way he and the public are reacting...stinks.

If you are going to be evil....own your evil. Don't compound the problem by trying to be something you aren't. It's called responsible living. Being responsible for our acts. Come on, Tiger. Step up to the plate and OWN IT.

Back in the saddle, again!

2009-11-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

Honest to God, I DID use SOME portion control this long, holiday weekend. Just, apparently, not enough. I think part of the problem was that I was starving myself for the end of the contest, so eating food, let alone some fattening/salt-laden holiday food completely stuck right to my malnourished body. I own it. I own:

1. starving myself for the contest, thereby
2. putting my body into metabolic disarray so that
3. overeating the minute the contest ended wasn't a great idea, followed by
4. eating too much all weekend. "too much" meaning more like 1,500-1,900 calories a day, most of the four days. Not the 1,200 my body is used to.

Result? FOUR EXTRA POUNDS. I'm not even in the 130's anymore. What a fool. Sad thing is, I did eat about 1/3 of what I normally would've eaten, ("normally" meaning the old Sunny.) I did exercise 45 minutes every day except Thanksgiving itself. So, I look to those as small victories. Never the less, four freakin' pounds. It will take the better part of 2 weeks to get rid of it. It cans my goals. (well, the date portion of my goals. Not the goal itself.) i.e., this just all pisses me off. I sat right here and admonished everyone to not eat that extra stuffing/dressing, and I did exactly that. Oh sure, it might only have been 1.5 tablespoons-worth (or thereabouts) instead of a full cup's worth or more...but ate it I did. Because it was there, it was delicious, and I only have it once or twice a year. I knuckled under. Now, I pay the price.

The honest to God's truth? What scared me was that I didn't keep it to one day. I did it for 3 days after Thanksgiving. Compared to my husband? I ate virtually nothing. He had mini T-meals twice a day, all 3 other days. I ate maybe 1/10 of what he did. But again, I've screwed up my metabolism because of the darned contest, and my body reacted like the starving entity it was. Again, the scary part was I didn't stop after even one or two days. I kept at it. Oh sure, a little less each day (meaning I weight this morning what I weighed Friday morning)....but I didn't start the losing process, either. And that scares the shit out of me. Because I totally thought I was past that. So, am I? I feel like I am. I DID portion control. I just apparently didn't do it well enough. So I still have demons I really thought I was past. I guess I have to accept this is like alcoholism: it's never really gone for good. It's just under control. It IS a lifelong battle. I'm not going to be able to escape that fact. After 58 years, I should've realized that. But I thought I was "above" that. No Sunny. No you are not.

So, up back on the horse I climb. On a positive note, I DID grind up the rest of the cheesecake about 5 pm yesterday. I didn't eat extras of the green bean casserole, laden with heavy whipping cream and sugar. I didn't eat a whole slice of the cherry and cinnamon-sugar laden "wagon wheel" french pastry that Mr. Sunny had slice after slice of all weekend. I did limit the amount of gravy and dressing I had. (just not enough.) Oh, my choices could've been so much worse. They just weren't as pristine as I wished them to be, planned for them to be, or needed them to be. And I am left with a metabolism in obvious disarray. But it's a new day, and new week, and my resolve must return. That's the problem with eating too many bad carbs; that addiction returns, and it'll take a good 3-4 days (from personal history as my example) to beat those cravings. WHY OH WHY did I do this to myself? I honestly don't know. That's the aftermath guilt that is part of my punishment for my sins.

I own my evil.

Thanksgiving After-glow

2009-11-27T08:50:00.000-08:00

We had SUCH a fantastic day!!!! I hope you all did, too! It was a 'mini me' version of our typical holiday; it was just the two of us, my mom, and my oldest daughter and oldest grandson. Other daughter, son-in-law, and grandbaby went to her in-laws for the holiday. It was a blessing to get Grandson #1; he was supposed to go with his dad, but they were going to a relative's house where he'd have been the only kid, and doesn't like the new boyfriend of his aunt who was hosting, so his dad let him come to our place instead. GREAT surprise!

The meal was delicious, and I enjoyed it without going overboard. It was highlighted by two new additions to the meal:

1. I found the recipe to our favorite garlic bread in the entire world, and was able to "lighten" it up, and it was a HUGE hit.
2. I came up with a brilliant albeit hare brain idea to mix my two favorite desserts into one: Cheesecake Factory's basic cheesecake, and my mom's holiday-only bar cookie called Royal Romance. I took the middle, delicious section of the cookie recipe, created it alone, then put it on top of the cheesecake. OH MY LORD!!!! Everyone absolutely raved about that, too.

So it was so awesome to create two new instant holiday classics in one meal!

We just had such a great time. We watched the first two games, and the third game bored us and so we put on "The Ugly Truth" which we hadn't seen, and enjoyed it while having dessert. I love Katherine Heigl movies; every single one of them. This was no exception.

So an absolutely great day all around. I had a little bit of everything (except the mashed potatoes. I saw no point in wasting calories on mashed potatoes.) I didn't feel a lick of guilt. It's the 2nd biggest holiday of the entire year, so of course I was going to enjoy it! I just used portion control, and it totally worked. (well, I haven't stepped on the scale so I don't know about THAT kind of "working", but it worked in the sense that I enjoyed everything I wanted to eat, but didn't feel stuffed or even uncomfortable afterward.) I can enjoy being close enough to my goal weight that I can allow myself a day like that. Now, right back on the proverbial horse. I gave away more leftovers than usual. Mr. Sunny will learn soon that the leftover cheesecake is his, though. LOL

I hope you all had a glorious holiday, too! Now get right back into main-road focus on your goals! The difference between making it through the holiday season without major damage is going to be the ability to get back on track on the days that you can. So you had five thousand calories yesterday. Today's an opportunity to eat only 1,200 calories and start the road to recovery! YOU control your destiny. No one else. YOU decide if yesterday was going to be a holiday bump in the road, or the start of nothing but trouble. No one but you decides that. MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE. You don't need those leftovers, except maybe the turkey itself. Walk away from the extra dressing/stuffing, the gravy, the desserts. It's the leftovers that will kill you, not the main holiday itself.

You grab a bite of that stuffing, and see ME looking back at you, shaking my finger "NO!" LOL

An Amazing Revelation

2009-11-25T05:26:00.000-08:00

No, I didn't eat quite that much to look that way last night, but I pretty much FELT that way! I learned the amazing, VALUABLE lesson that I just can't eat the way I used to....no, more importantly, I really don't WANT to eat that way anymore!!!

You know the feeling: stuffed beyond all belief. Sluggish because of it. Totally lethargic. Even worse, brain-dead (from the over abundance of starch, I imagine.) Mentally foggy. And the guilt! It was AWFUL! Plus the killer headache I got; so bad I had to take an Aleve to take the edge off of it. That was, without a doubt, the worst I have physically felt in the past seven months since I started down the path to good health. I ate about 1/4 of the bloomin' onion. I was getting full at that point, and the Caesar salad hadn't even come! I ate about 3 bites of the salad and pushed it aside. I ate about 2/3 of a baked potato, maybe 5-6 bites of the steak, and I was D.UN.N. DONE. And nauseatingly so!!! I realized I DON'T WANT TO EAT LIKE THIS ANY MORE. IT WASN'T A REWARD, IT WAS A PUNISHMENT. I DON'T LIKE HOW THIS FEELS, AND I DON'T EVER WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY AGAIN. I'm not the old Sunny. But I guess I had to prove it to myself. For the past two weeks or so, we kept talking about all the types of food/places we would go when the contest was over. Not all at once, but things I'd "deprived" myself of that I wanted to occasionally enjoy anymore. What I learned last night was two things:

1. the only thing I'd been depriving myself of was my old fashioned gluttony
2. eating that crap WASN'T enjoyable!

I thought I was going to splurge and enjoy the massive potluck breakfast at work today. NOT.GOING.TO.SPLURGE. I thought I was going to splurge and enjoy the full measure of the Thanksgiving food tomorrow. NOT.GOING.TO.HAPPEN. Portion control is no longer a "while I'm losing weight" kind of thing. I realized last night it's my life choice, the way I WANT to live and eat the REST of my life. I hated the way my overeating last night made me feel. Much like how wine caused the pain of kidney stones, so I don't ever drink anymore....the pain the gluttony caused me last night is not something I EVER want to experience again. And frankly, in the real scheme of things, I didn't eat "that" much. (I didn't even touch the warm bread. No interest whatsoever.) But it was just way, way too much for (the new) ME.

Today, I'll have a slice of my own pumpkin bread, and the fresh fruit. I doubt I'll touch anything else. Tomorrow, I'll have a good 6 oz. or so of the turkey, a couple of tablespoons of the dressing and gravy on top, 1/2 cup or so of my mom's Caesar salad, and frankly Scarlett, that's IT. More than enough. I'm just not that person anymore. It doesn't even appeal to me. And that's such an amazing, empowering feeling. I now feel confident I can and will get through this holiday season of food overkill all around me unscathed. Feeling and being thin is too important and feels way too good to let go/ignore. I can't eat that way anymore, but more importantly, I don't want to!!!

It's amazing revelations like this that just lighten up the path with the light of a million suns. i.e., is so COOL.

So where do you stand? What mental plans have you made for tomorrow? Will you stick to them, or knuckle under to your 'old ways' and then feel like absolute shit (mentally AND physically) afterward? You know the choice is yours. Please think carefully about it, in advance, and please BE TRUE TO YOUR GOALS. You can enjoy a little of a few select items....and make it through the day with your waistline and, more importantly, your DIGNITY, intact. The choice is yours. I hope you choose wisely, because I CARE.

Have a beautiful Thanksgiving, my friends!

My Xmas Tree, Part Deux (office-version)

2009-11-22T08:31:00.000-08:00

Colors / warmth of it aren't ringing exactly true, but that's the back of my cubicle/holiday decorations. It really looks warmer lit up than that. One more pic:

I love my decorations at home (well, once I put those out next weekend LOL) and at work. Makes life that much better, you know??? To really love your physical surroundings?

Well, my new laptop arrived on Friday, and Mr. Sunny got it set up yesterday, and OH MY GAWWWW!!!! It's so darned speedy, and gorgeous, and I'm totally in love! I know, I know, I shouldn't be that materialistic but I guess I am. I can't wait to move it downstairs to the coffee table today to keep track of both of our fantasy football match-ups, play by play! woo hoooooooooooooooo

On the diet/contest front, this morning I weighed in at 21.3 pounds lost. Of course, I'm hoping to lose those .7 pounds by Tuesday morning. Might be a press, but not entirely impossible. Wish me luck! I think that might be enough...certainly for the percentage half of the contest. That would equate to 13.304% lost in 10 weeks...and most of the others I think would have to lose 25-26 lbs. (the guy, even more...he'd lave to lose about 28 lbs.)....to match that percentage. I will be floored if anyone beats that. (or definitely suspect, inwardly, collusion...but I really don't want to even mentally go there.) The portion of the actual pounds lost...? Not sure if 21 or 22 will be enough. Well, barely 48 more hours and the verdict will literally be in. LOL I'm trying to not obsess over this. Thank goodness for weekend distractions. LOL

Speaking of which, we went to the movies last night for the first time since early summer (I think) and saw 2012. WHAT A FANTASTIC MOVIE! Even Mr. Sunny, who is a very very picky movie critic, loved it and was raving about it. It's not just (AMAZING, AWESOME) cgi effects, boys and girls. The storyline really develops nicely and it just is a GREAT flick! Do NOT miss it! And don't wait for Netflix! This has to be seen on a gigantor movie theatre screen!

Well, that's it for me. Gotta get this day started. Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!!!

Rebel with a (holiday) cause

2009-11-20T07:54:00.000-08:00

My Holiday Cause? To educate people to the fact that RED AND GREEN do NOT have to be your holiday colors! (think about it! Red and green do NOT match and do NOT look good together, people!) That the very origin of red and green as Christmas colors is.....DUMB. What's the origin?

The Christmas color theme of red and green has been woven into our society so deeply that most people never bother to question its origin. So ingrained is it, that whenever we see that particular combination, we automatically think of the holiday and tend to steer away from grouping the two until we’ve entered the Christmas season. As with all other things, however, this tradition did have its beginnings and, offers a rather interesting tale...

THE PARADISE TREE

The idea of a Paradise Tree takes us back to the 1300s, at which time Adam and Eve’s Day was celebrated on December 24th each year. Due to the explosive number of people who were illiterate, local churches often presented plays, which they utilized as a learning tool for the general populace. These were labeled, “Miracle Plays,” since they touched on issues of religious importance. The Paradise Play, which was presented on December 24th, related the story of Adam and Eve, and their plight in the Garden of Eden. Of course, props were needed and, since there was no way to provide an apple tree in the middle of winter, it was decided that a pine tree with apples tied to its branches would have to serve as the Tree of Good and Evil, in the center of the garden. Since this idea worked so well, it became a popular prop for local churches, and the idea spread, until this version of the Tree of Good and Evil was the commonly accepted prop whenever the play was performed. Soon, churches everywhere had adopted this tradition and included it in their celebration each year. The Paradise Tree was so popular in Germany, that private citizens began to erect pine trees in their homes during the holiday, decorating them with red apples, as the church folks had done for their Miracle Play. Before long, the tradition was so widespread, that the modern-day Christmas tree tradition was born, and the official colors of the Christmas season became green and red – green for the pine tree and red for the apples – the combination of which represented the Paradise Tree, which made its debut in the 14th century.

See? The tradition of red and green as the colors of Christmas doesn't have a single, solitary thing to do with Christmas' origin! I realized last year that I simply didn't like red and green together, and I was SICK of seeing it during the Christmas holidays. (that start in November, at the least.) The year prior to that, as I had explained, I had a need to replace all of my Christmas holiday decorations, so I took that opportunity to think long and hard about what color/colors/scheme I wanted to incorporate for perhaps the rest of my life for the holidays. Ever since I hit menopause, purple has become my favorite color. No other way to explain it, so I won't. So I thought: PURPLE! I started researching online, and discovered that purple could work! I added silver and pearlized white as the accents to the dark plum I decided on. (We have an artificial tree because of my pine allergies.) The result? PURE GORGEOUSNESS! For the first time ever, I regretted having to put away my holiday decorations, instead of looking forward to it like I always used to by late December. Here is my Christmas tree, taken that first year...

Two close-up pictures:

And, finally, if you think about it, what are the colors of the Advent candles? Purple and pink, I tells ya! So there!

The moral of my story is BREAK OUT OF THE BOX! Stop being a victim to traditions that might not have a thing to do with your life, how you want to live it, what's important to you! And not just in relation to Christmas colors (if you even believe in Christmas, which I don't mean to be excluding non-believers here.) It applies to every aspect of your life! What works for YOU? What doesn't? If I have discovered one, single, solitary thing in this successful change in my life's journey that has resulted in not only all of this weight loss but a massive change in how I approach my health...it's that the journey will never really start/STICK if one doesn't go inside one's self, and examine who's really there, and what one really needs. If I hadn't, early, read an amazing book that absolutely revolutionized my life and how I lived it....I wouldn't have achieved the results and new psyche I have to make this a permanent change to my life. But, as I learned from that book, it required a journey first within. But once I had done that, with this book's help, the rest has been almost a piece of cake. (pun intended. LOL)

So, everyone, don't be afraid to go within, and take a little journey of self-discovery. Work on learning the real you, what motivates you, what drives you, and what you really need (I promise you'll discover it ISN'T food!)

Back to Christmas, if I could buy one (pretty cheap) Christmas (or holiday?) gift for each of you, it would be that book. It will change your life!

Have a wonderful weekend, and be true to your goals!

Back on track!

2009-11-19T08:16:00.000-08:00

Lost more weight yesterday, to the tune of 1.2 lbs. since the weigh-in on Tuesday. YAY!

So, only a few more days to go. I have my food plan in perfect (well, today LOL) gear. I am doing the normal half hour dance at lunch, but only 30 minutes in the evening, too. I find when I try to stretch that to 45 minutes, it ends up biting me in the butt every bit as much as below 1,200 calories does. I.e., if I do more than an hour, total, of exercise in any one day, it's too much (for my caloric intake.) It's a fine line I juggle, but I think my plan is set for the remaining days. With any luck, I'll lose another 1.0-1.5 pounds by Tuesday morning. Time will tell. That said, I know I've done the very best I can in the past 9 plus weeks for this, and that's all I can ask of myself. I will not look back and regret anything. If someone beats me, so be it. In the meantime, I'll end up over 20 lbs. lighter, and pants that were snug (size 10-12) at the start of the contest are pretty darned loose, almost swimming, now. I think I'm a size 8 now. I haven't gone to see yet. I plan to buy one new pair of pants for Xmas day...sometime the end of the 1st or start of the 2nd week in December. We'll see (officially) where I am then.

That's all I have; work is extremely busy, but it keeps me busy and out of trouble. LOL I already decorated for Xmas at work. I have an adorable little white tree, with lights, and got brand new decorations on sale at Michaels, all in shades of lavendar (with a few ornaments in very, very pastel "sage" green.) I also got gorgeous lavendar/silver glittery garland, a lavendar and white and silver magnificent nutcracker, and at Home Goods, a cute Santa on a donkey, carrying a tree in his bag, and his jacket is purple too. I need to take pics and post them. Everyone, although laughing about how early I did it, LOVES it. I decided last year that I hate red and green together. After 20 or more years of decorating my home predominately in red (with a green tree.) When Mr. Sunny (accidently) destroyed the bulk of our home decorations almost 3 years ago, and I got a good excuse (doubly so because he was so guilt-ridden), I went with deep purple/plum as our color for Xmas at home. SO GORGEOUS. I promise to post pics of that in December. (how did he destroy everything? He put a wet door mat on top of the large plastic bin with everything below and, sealed tight in our southern Cali garage for a year, you can imagine the MOLD when we opened it the following year!)

Ok, Chatty Cathy Sunny needs to shut up. LOL Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

Happy Hump Day!

2009-11-18T08:11:00.000-08:00

Glad we are halfway through this puppy. LOL Will be very busy for me the rest of the week; that should help it pass quicker.

Well, lost .4 lb. yesterday, after making sure I made 1,200 calories. Hopefully back on track. It's funny, if I lose this contest (closely, at least)...it will because of the days I ate too little. Not too much. Live and learn!

Got my nails done last night; OPI's holiday collection is out, and it's stellar! I'm wearing "Glove you so much!"....I'd post it here, but the color on the internet is not the same as it is in real life. In real life, it's a deep raisin color with just a hint of gold or amber in it, but it's not glittery or "frost" like at all. It does have almost a glassy look to it, though! I think it's just about the most perfect color ever! I will definitely be wearing this probably through the rest of the year. It's so cool when you love looking at your nails throughout the day. LOL

Beyond that, not much. Just pluggin' along.

Have a great day, and stay true to YOUR goals!

Thank you, Blog Fairy!!!

2009-11-17T08:02:00.001-08:00

Isn't that picture absolutely gorgeous?!

Much like my blog, now, thanks to the Blog Fairy. Thank you, Blog Fairy, for taking a humbo-jumbo of my ideas, making some sense and order out of them, and creating something much better/prettier/cooler than I dared hope! She's also already done a Christmas version and a 'regular' version for me, too!

Well, my body picked a crappy time to hit a brick wall. :( On Saturday, I was down 1.5 pounds from the past Tuesday contest weigh-in. Things were looking great! Then, I woke up Sunday morning 8/10 of a pound heavier. With no rational reason. And try as I have since then, I cannot break that. I am not going over calories, I'm not going over sodium, I'm exercising as usual. All I can figure is that my calories are TOO low. I admit I've been hovering at around 1,000 calories instead of 1,200. It's the final week of the contest, you know. I went back to Phase 1 of South Beach (i.e., no carbs), and I think it's just too low. The scary thing is adding more back in risks a momentary gain, and frankly, with 7 days to go, I can't afford a gain. But, add more calories I must. I'll hit 1,200 today for sure. See how I am tomorrow morning, before I decide to go higher. I was hoping by using Phase 1 and doing a couple of days (mixed up) lower calories, I could sneak in an extra pound or so loss for the final weigh-in. My bad. So not. So I haven't weighed in for this week (will in about an hour), but I'm guessing I'll be at only a 1-1.4 lb. loss for the week. Bummer.

UPDATE: I ended up with a 1.2 lb. loss for the week. Very disappointing, given where I was on Saturday. That said, I've lost 19.7 pounds in the 9 weeks of the contest. I will definitely hit 20 lb. lost....hopefully 21-22? Time will tell.

Oh well, I have no one to blame but myself. I took a gamble cutting back on my calories, and I'm paying the price for it. Hopefully, I can lose 3 LOUSY TENTHS OF A POUND in 7 days. Maybe more?

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!!!

Photo Updates: then, and now!

2009-11-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

Yep, that's the difference between when I started, and this past Saturday! This is what a 62 pound weight loss on a five foot, 1 3/4 inch 58 year old, post-menopausal woman looks like! LOL

Here was the difference in 40 pounds...

Here's a 20 lb. difference photo:

eta: THANK YOU, BLOG FAIRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST!!!

GOODBYE, 140's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cya! Don't wanna be ya!

2009-11-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

I will NEVER be in the 140's again! Promise!

And I hope you love that altered poster up there as much as I do. (notice I even put my "name" in the "credits.") LOL

And....I'm only 4.5 pounds from a normal BMI! double woohoo!!!!

It's a beautiful world. I'm kicking butt, and taking names.

Mr. Sunny is taking the day off to paint our master bedroom walk-in closet. When I get home, I'm going to move the rest of the short-sleeved shirts out to the other extra bedroom closets. And I'm going through EVERYTHING, and pulling all large tops off the hangars. I completely swim in them now. The few, best, will be saved for 'kicking around' the house, but the rest are GOING AWAY. This is the best feeling in the whole world. The feeling PROUD. IN CHARGE.

My blog will be undergoing changes in the coming weeks, and I'm thinking about adopting the mantra:

Living responsibly is the key to losing weight and unlocking all the important joys in life.

Because that's how I truly feel. It wasn't until I was able and willing to dig deep within, and MATURE, and accept responsibility for my actions (re food and exercise or a lack thereof), that I was able to turn my life around. That, and dancing, are the two things that are different now from previous weight loss attempts. I refuse to knee-jerk live anymore. I don't let life circumstances control what I eat. I make responsible choices now. I prefer to enjoy the company of people while I'm eating now, instead of having food orgasms. Food orgasms come and go...the weight they leave behind? Not so much. And I refuse to actively participate in dying prematurely. If something is going to get me prematurely, it will no longer be because I'm living stupidly. I don't avoid exercise like the plague anymore; I appreciate it for the life-giving force that it is.

So that's it. That's my sermon for this Friday the 13th. Make it lucky! LIVE RESPONSIBLY....with your eyes dead aim on your goals!

When an Affair Dies from Lack of Passion

2009-11-11T08:38:00.001-08:00

It occurred to me late last night that I no longer love, or even WANT, french fries. At all! My lifetime love affair with french fries is over! OK, maybe not lifelong. Maybe since I was 16 (which was 42 years ago-which is more than lifetime for most of you. LOL) THAT’S when McDonald’s came to my town. That’s when I discovered the salacious delight of McDonald’s fries with a chocolate shake. Didn’t even need or necessary want a hurlger back then; just my sugar and salt fix. (in junior high, I realized I had a sugar-and-salt addiction. I loved to eat one of those ice cream sundae cups, using Fritos as my spoon.) Just a chocolate shake and an order of fries, and I was in heaven. I was young, and stupid. So stupid, I kept it up for a couple of more years, until the Big Mac came out. Then, my go-to ‘I’m stressed out, this is my comfort food/meal of choice” was a Big Mac, order of fries, and a diet Coke. (because hey, you have to ‘make the cut’ somewhere!) For over 40 years, whenever I was having a bad day (for whatever reason)…I’d run to Mickey Dees for my self-prescribed “comfort food.” What a freakin’ idiot!

Now, seven plus months into my ‘healthy for life’ journey, and it occurs to me that I seriously don’t miss French fries! Eight weeks into this Biggest Loser contest at work (STILL no updates! Grr!)…and I’ve been playing a game with Mr. Sunny, talking about “ok, after the contest we’ll have this”…to the point we both laugh about the mental list of restaurants and other food items we will enjoy once the contest is over. It might take me until 4th of July to get to all of them in the “only once in a blue moon” mode I’ve developed as part of my portions control program/lifestyle. LOL

Anyhow, I WAS thinking about a Big Mac (haven’t had one in 7 months)…which led my wandering mind to what went with it, and I realized I really did NOT want any French fries. Any more. Simply put, the calories and unhealthy grease amounts (let alone the salt, and I won’t eat them without salt), simply won’t work for me. I won’t sabotage myself or my body that way anymore. They aren’t THAT good! Not any more.

What a freakin revelation! Sometimes, this new Sunny just amazes me.

Now, I just have to work on getting that mindset for the Big Mac. LOL
Are there any of your previous favorites that you realize simply don’t work for you anymore, and it’s a GOOD thing?

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

(I hand drew the text in the pic, because you guys liked that so much. LOL)

It's Official!!!

2009-11-09T08:11:00.000-08:00

I know, I should've done a new picture. I was too busy this weekend/this morning to do it when I was home with Photoshop Elements, so I was stuck with "Paint" here at the office. LOL

YAY ME!

I've lost 1 6/10 lbs this contest week. I'm hopeful/guardedly optomistic I can lose that additional 4/10 of a pound by tomorrow morning to make it another week of an even 2 lb. lost. If not, no biggie. I'm on track with my goal, and that's awesome, with 15 days to go!

That's all I gots for now. I'll take my 60 lbs. loss update photos (facial and side-full-body) later this week; by Saturday at the latest. :)

Hope you guys are doing well, and staying faithful to YOUR goals!!!

Blog Design Woes

2009-11-07T10:41:00.000-08:00

So hotbliggityblog slammed me. They not only pulled the graphics I was using (AND FULLY CREDITING/LINKING BACK TO THEM), they denied me access to all their graphics. I guess they couldn't be bothered to venture to the footer area of my blog (then) to see all the credits, just like they required. They = lazy. :(

I really don't like what I'm using now. I like the top...I don't like the bottom. I did a lot of searching last night, and found a terrific person who will build me a new blog (still using my girl.) We are definitely going to work together, but her time frame of when I can reach the top of her to-do-list is 5-6 weeks, which sucks. For me. :(

ETA Sunday morning; my hotbliggity blog design....I have it again. Read more in the comments section. :)

In the meantime, the artist who is the girl creator and did this Halloween version, is close to being done with my Thanksgiving version. Can't wait!

So, the look around here is in flux.

Weight-wise? Only lost 2/10's of a pound yesterday. Despite eating perfectly and exercising perfectly. Very disheartening re the contest. One reason I can't wait for the damned thing to be over. Win, lose, or draw. I'm hoping I can at least win 1/2 of it (the percentage part), but with no clue how anyone else is doing, who knows? I can only do the best I can, and leave the rest to fate. Oh vell. Barely two weeks left.

Got a LOT to do in the next few hours, so have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

TGIF

2009-11-06T08:11:00.000-08:00

TGIF....and yet, still no contest update, which was "promised" for yesterday morning. I'm in a quandry; if I keep emailing them about it, I become the nag who's in the lead (or near it.) What to do, what to do... :: sigh :: (and that's why I didn't post yesterday...I kept waiting for the contest update.)

And I'm officially at 59 pounds lost, on the button. I was hoping I'd be a half pound less than that by this morning, but last week was a stellar week of loss, so it's only natural my body slows down a bit this week to adjust. Such as it is, losing those last 20 pounds or so: two steps forward, one step back. I'm so over fretting over it.

Speaking of "goals", I've made a decision. My goal is no longer an absolute number (that was nothing but arbitrary to begin with LOL)...my new goal is Super Bowl Eve (Saturday, Feb. 6th.) THAT is the day I will step on the scale, re-evaluate, and determine if I'm still continuing losing weight or stopping. But until that date, it's full steam ahead! I don't know if 115 is doable. I'm 58, five feet 2 inches, 8 years past menopause. In my mid-40's I got down to 106, but people thought I looked gaunt. So physically, 115 can be done, but is it an optimal weight for me? I'm not sure. I wanted to be on the thin side, and have 'wiggle room'. But really, what is a good, kinda thin weight for me? I'm not really sure. I'm at 142.0. I know I need to lose at least 20 more pounds to feel really optimal. But who knows, maybe not? Maybe only another 15? I want 5 lbs. 'wiggle room'. Of that much, I am sure. So I'll do this for another 3 months, and see where I am. I know by then I'll be much better able to judge what weight is the final, ultimate goal. So that's the plan; full dieting until 2/6/10 then re-evaluate.

OH! And something else! Today is (well, would've been) my parent's wedding anniversary. My dad died about 7 1/2 years ago. He had mild to moderate Alzheimer's, but it wasn't that that killed him. (he was 76; it was heart and diabetes induced.) Anna has inspired me with all of her runs (thank you, Anna!)...and although I don't believe in running for myself, I decided I wanted to do a walkathon. I looked for a 5K walkathon near me, and came across the Alzheimer's Association's "Memory Walk." There is going to be one in Palm Desert (about an hour, hour and a half away) on March 6, 2010. HOW PERFECT! Ends up it's only a 2 mile walk (as compared to a 5K's 3.1 miles), but that's ok! It's a start!

My dad's middle name was Hez, and he was a cook in the Navy in WWII, and a great home chef (obviously), and once, camping, created his own version of sloppy joes and called it "Hezzy's Special", so I created a Memory Walk team called "Hezzy's Special" last night, and I'm going to invite my two daughters, my son in law, my brother, and his wife to join Mr. Sunny and me on this walk in honor of my dad. I'm SO STOKED. I'm going to tell my mother today; I know how thrilled she will be, and how special it is to tell her this today on the anniversary of their wedding. :: sigh :: Sometimes I just know how to hit a home run, family-wise. LOL

I can't tell you how cool this feels to me! (pray for no rain, though LOL!) Doing something unselfish for an amazing cause that is very near to my heart (frankly, given Dad's history, Alzheimer's scares the crap out of me/my future, and is a large part of why I got serious about losing weight and getting my health more optimal...)

Anyhow, I'm stoked. And it's just the beginning! I plan to find more walkathons, for causes I believe in, and my 2010 goal is a 5K in the summer, and maybe even a 10K in the fall or winter of 2010. We'll see!

Have a GREAT weekend, and stay true to your goals!!

Happy Hump Day!

2009-11-04T08:29:00.000-08:00

Can it be the weekend, already? LOL

I'm in a fiesty mood, apparently. I WANT A CONTEST UPDATE, ALREADY! It's been FOUR weeks! What the hell? So I emailed the organizer and said, in essence, 'what's up? What's the point of weighing in weekly, if we never get updates? It's been a month and people want to know where they stand!'

Honestly, if they don't do an update before the next weigh-in, I think I'm not going to weigh in! Let them wonder for the next 3 weeks! grrr!

Other than that, I ain't got nuthin'. Still plugging along.

Biggest Loser warning (in case you haven't seen last night's episode yet)...

I was glad to see Tracy go, although frankly, I think the boy from last season is every bit as much a "game-player" as Tracy was. He's just sneakier about it. Don't tell me he didn't "water load" the past two weeks, and now that it's individual, suddenly he loses double digits? I see RIGHT through him! And/but, it's looking like they are pulling out all of the stops to give Bob a "win" this season, and setting up Amanda to be his Savior. blech. I'm SO SO SO sick of hearing her say "America picked me! I have to do well for America!" (i.e., I'm The Chosen One!™)

OK, now you know how to 'potty-type'. LOL!

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!

Mondays Suck

2009-11-02T05:47:00.001-08:00

I decided to call this post that, instead of "What the Hell?!" What the hell, because for some unknown reason, I gained six ounces yesterday. I double-and quadruple checked my calories, sodium contents, and my exercise level, and they were absolutely perfect. NO REASON in the galaxy for the gain. In fact, I was expecting a 4-6 ounce LOSS. Had normal bathroom activity this reason. NO.FREAKIN.REASON.

Some times this journey makes me want to pull out my freakin' hair. I HATE days/mornings like this when you have done absolutely everything right in the freakin' world, and the scale not only doesn't agree, but slaps you in the face to boot. "arghhhh!!!!" doesn't even begin to cover it.

It really pisses me off because contest weigh-in is tomorrow morning, and I was expecting a 2-2.5 lb. loss for the week. NOW, it looks like I'll be lucky to make it a 2 lb. loss, and more likely a 1.6 or 1.8 lb. loss. I WANTED TO KICK BUTT this week, and all signs were to a "go" on that as of Sunday morning, with a perfect Sunday achieved. WHAT THE HELL to the 'nth degree!???

Sorry. No sunshine here this morning. None. nada. ziltch.

Oh well, onto another pristine day, and the scale can just bite me. Eff it. Eff it right in the bloody ear.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

heehee!!! Hope you have a great one!!!!

Well, we had an AWESOME time last night! I got off work early, at 3, and went home and walked the dogs, then danced for 50 minutes. Cooled off a bit, then got ready. We left about 5:20 and went to Red Robin for dinner. I had an amazing salad, that was Mexican inspired; grilled chicken, cheddar and pepper jack cheese, red onions, bell peppers (red and green), and all kinds of salad greens. I had them hold the tortilla strips, and give me the dressing on the side. It was SO yummy!

Then, we went to Orange County Performing Arts Center to see "An Evening with Steve Martin." We had excellent orchestra-level tickets, and it was awesome! I have always loved bluegrass and banjo, but never owned any CD's of it. Steve Martin is an outstanding banjo player and song writer! He had a great 4 piece group playing with him, and when you throw in all of his humor between each song, it was AMAZING! I'm sure I burned a lot of calories just bee-bopping my head and legs through each song of the 1.5 hours performance. Got to add his new CD to my Xmas Wish List. LOL

Well, dropped another couple of ounces. It seems impossible for me to lose a full pound in any given day anymore, no matter how pristinely I healthfully live my life. C'est la vie. I am ending October at 143.2. I started it at 150.0...so that's 6.8 lb. lost. Not bad. Not great, but not bad. I had hoped to be 140 at the end of October. Oh vell. T's what it tis (or not. LOL) I can't do anything more than I'm doing and still be making healthy choices, so I am learning to live with the losses my body still gives me, and tolerating the days that it simply won't.

I have been STELLAR when it comes to Halloween candy! Despite having my favorites, I haven't had a single one at home! Who is this woman? By now, she would've already polished off the equivilent of an entire bag by herself. Now, not a single one? People are asking me how I resist? (like how I resisted having any of the 2 sheet cakes I cut and distributed at work yesterday). I tell them, the calories just aren't tasty enough to interest me at the moment. Fortunately, neither cake had fudge frosting; one was white and one was a chocolate mousse, and chocolate mousse is SO not enticing for me. It was easy to completely avoid it, and wash off the goo on my fingers from cutting and serving the cakes. LOL

That being said, I can't wait for this damned contest to end. LOL It ends 3 weeks from Tuesday. I'm going to kick my own ass between now and then, and deny, deny, deny. I really DO want to win, because I want the money to help with the new wardrobe I need. Remember all those pants I dug out of the deep recesses of my closet exactly one month ago? All the size 10's and 12's? They are all getting loose! Already! I am guessing I'm somewhere between a size 8 and 10. BUT, I refuse to get any more new clothes until I am done. Loose fitting it stays. I need to save my money for the really long-term new purchases. I can wear loose fitting clothes for a few months. LOL

OH! I forgot to mention from yesterday! It's been VERY cold at night here this past week (well, by southern California standards, LOL): 45-47 at night. And I knew we would be out in the cool air last night, so I dug in my spare room/office closet and found a cool coat I haven't been able to wear for 5-6 years. IT FIT PERFECTLY. I mean PERFECTLY! I'm so stoked! I've been able to wear nothing but professional sports team logo'ed coats for the past 4-5 years, because I refused to buy a cow-sized coat! So I'd wear Ducks or Chargers jackets even to things that weren't sports related. I was such a loser! NO MORE, BABEEEEE! I adore this coat, haven't even worn it more than 3-4 times, held onto it for 5-6 years, and now I can wear it and it'll be my staple all winter! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all I have. We are setting up our patio as a mini haunted house, so the bulk of the day will be prepping for that. Will definitely get in an hour of exercise sometime today, too. Not sure what we are doing for dinner, but it will have to be early, around 4 pm.

Have a great day and a wonderful Halloween!

TGIF

2009-10-30T05:49:00.001-07:00

Still one of the cutest Halloween and/or doggie pictures ever. LOL

Well, I lost another 4 ounces. Sad....in 'the olden days' (mid April to mid September), I could lose 1 pound or 1.5 pounds occasionally in a single day. Now, I'm lucky if I lose that much in an entire week. Despite doing exactly what I was doing then, it's just sooooooooooooo much slower. I mix up my calories (between 1,000 and 1,300 a day), I exercise one half hour to 1.5 hours a day....my carbs are always low, and I work hard to keep my sodium levels really low, too. There isn't anything more I can really do. I just have to accept my body is getting slower at losing the weight. Does that mean I'm reaching the weight my body wants to stay at? There are two possible answers to that:

1. yes...perhaps I'm right about where I need to be/stay

2. no...perhaps it's just a lull (I'm not calling this a plateau, because I am still losing. Just more slowly.) Perhaps I'm just in the range of "those last 10-20 pounds left to lose", and after over 6 months of losing, the body is getting close to goal. Just not there yet, though. Just getting there slower as I get in the home stretch.

All of this makes me reflect, yet again, on my goals for the weight loss portion of this journey. Once I started, I knew I'd set very aggressive goals for myself. That's part of my OCD Virgo nature. My goals all related to the '2 pounds per week minimum' that I was able to breeze through late spring and early summer. Don't get me wrong; I had mini goals, too. Every ten pounds lost, and every move from one decade on the scale to the next...have been reasons for celebration, and what I was motivated for, day to day. My first long-range "ideal weight" time frame goal was 12/31. By late August, when reality forced me to check in with myself re that, I adjusted that to Super Bowl Sunday, which is about the first Sunday in February. But now, with the way my weight loss has gone from 2-3 lbs. a week down into the 1-1.5 pounds per week, I have to check in with myself again. Super Bowl Sunday is really going to be pushing it, now. That is in 14 weeks. To reach my arbitrary end-weight goal, I still 28.8 pounds to go. That's pretty much 2 pounds a week, right through all of the upcoming holidays. Frankly, being honest with myself, mentally and physically, I just don't think my body can handle that.

So I have two choices here. (since putting that kind of pressure on myself to reach unrealistic goals is NOT a healthy thing to do)... I can re-set my date goal further down the road. It wouldn't be the end of the world. However, I'm my own worst enemy. It would be a defeat. I've spent enough of my life feeling defeated about myself. BEING my own worst enemy. It's part of the mindset I'm trying to, erm, DEFEAT. So now I'm wondering if the 'specific date' goal thing just really isn't such a good idea. It's all so arbitrary anyhow. So I'm thinking my second choice is just to look at this as being open-ended. I get to 115 when I get to it. No arbitrary lines in the sand. However, there IS a third choice. The third choice is I decide there IS no even arbitrary WEIGHT NUMBER drawn as a line in the sand. 115 IS arbitrary. Maybe I'll get there. Maybe I won't. Maybe it's 118. Or 123. Who knows? I don't know if I'll know when I get there.

So, I'm thinking about this. It's a lot to think about. But this isn't a thirty minute sit-com, so I don't have to have the answer by the end of this post. LOL

Have a great weekends, ladies! Stay true to your goals, and happy Halloween!

Victory over Chili Dogs!

2009-10-29T05:38:00.001-07:00

OK, apropos over nothing, I love that photo.

Well, I guess I DO have "dogs" in the title today.....

ANYHOO, you ask about the post title? I got my manicure last night, so that meant it was up to Mr. Sunny to make dinner. He told me he really wanted chili dogs, and would that be ok? Would I be able to work around that? I said "do not worry about me. Let me think about it, and I'll let you know how I need to eat it, or not."

I thought about it, looked up the potential calories and portion sizes at the dailyplate.com, and then I emailed him later in the morning and said "please get some hamburger patties. I do not want hot dogs. I'll cook up a patty, have it bunless as usual, and I can have 1/3 of a cup of chili, with a tiny bit of cheese on top, and lots of onions." And so I did. I forgot about lunch, so I was stuck with another dilemma. Since I work out (dance) the first 30 minutes, I only had 30 minutes to get lunch. We have a Quiznos and a Tommy Pastrami right across from work. Pastrami, obviously, was completely out of the question until this BL contest at work was over. I checked Quiznos' nutritional info out on their website; I was dismayed and shocked at how ridiculous the calories and sodium content was on their salads! I could've had a small sandwich, but I really didn't want the bun, and the sodium content on just the contents of the sandwiches was still through the roof. I didn't want a nasty-quasi-salad from any of the traditional fast food joints. Then, I looked behind me. My Halloween candy dish was there, with plenty of snack-size Pay Day's that I had completed ignored previously. I went back to dailyplate.com, and discovered those Pay Day's were only 80 calories each, and low sodium. So, I treated myself to 3 snack-size Pay Day's for lunch. Healthy? Hell to the no! Delicious? Absolutely! Enough? Apparently! I didn't get hungry again until about 6 pm!

I got home, and discovered that 1/3 cup of chili was actually a tad too much; I had more like 1/4 cup of the chili (which we buy in Xlnt block form, and always add about 1/3 cup of water to, so it was actually even a little less...) I added some zero calorie mustard to the patty, chili, and onions, stuck it in the microwave for 30 seconds to melt the cheese, and was in pure heaven.

Dinner came in at a hair under 500 calories, and with my 350 calorie breakfast and 240 calorie "lunch", I came in under 1,200 calories, andddddd,

wait for it (channeling my inner Barney).....

on the scale this morning I was exactly the same as yesterday morning!
Meaning I HAVE CONQUERED CHILI DOGS! Ok, it might have been nice to lose an ounce or two, since I was under 1,200 calories, but, as you all know, I'm nearing the end of my weight loss journey, so the pounds are harder to come off, plus there was a sizable amount of sodium in that 1/4 cup. LOL

Most nutritious day in the past six months? Hell to the no. Probably the worst. But delicious? YES! Did I exercise portion control and eat responsibly? YES! OK, maybe not as responsibly as if I'd eaten nutritious foods, but I ate responsibly in the sense I did my homework, learned what I could eat within the framework I was given, and still maintain my faithfulness to my long term goals. I tell you, I am becoming The Portion Control Queen!!!

So, onward and upwards...I'm approaching my '60 lbs. lost' marker, and barely 4 pounds away from being out of the 140's for good. Life is good! I'll get to both within, hopefully, the next 2-3 weeks! yee haw!!!!! Have a great day, and stay true to YOUR goals!!!!

Chickie Awards!

2009-10-28T07:34:00.001-07:00

A HUGE thank you to Patty for gifting me with not one, but TWO awards!

Patty is one of the many wonderful bloggers I met through 3fatchicks.com, which is where I started down this path. (I moved off their blog system because I wanted more graphic control.) Yesterday, she created a handful of "Chickie Awards", and she gifted me with two! For the one above, the award says,

You’re focused. Controlled. You’re in there for the long haul. Let all those other people work out six hours a day and eat 300 calories. That’s not your bag! You’re in it for life. Making those small changes that add up to big losses. Day after day. Hanging in there. Sometimes, it must seem like no one notices but they do. That’s why you got this Straight and Narrow Award!

That means SO much to me!!! Because I know, over the long haul, the ONLY way to lose weight AND keep it off is through inner control. If we can't control ourselves, we are doomed to an overweight, shortened existence. I might be vertically challenged re "short", but I refuse to continue to be on the path to a shortened LIFE. I have too much to live for to allow it to end prematurely. Thank you for recognizing, Patty, that I am winning the battle over the little girl in me, and learning to react and behave like a rational adult, in charge of my life...not a victim. And that includes no longer being a victim of food, or emotional eating. Once one conquers that, everything else just falls into place!

My 2nd award:This one reads,

Congratulations! If you’ve received the Strut Yer Stuff Award, it’s because you’ve done some serious work and have reached some major milestones in order to get where you are! Be proud! Buy new clothes in new sizes and hold your head high! Your work has paid off and will continue to pay off as long as you hold the line. So… Go on. Get a manicure AND a pedicure! Buy some sexy undies! Get a new hairdo and STRUT YER STUFF, you little Hottie!

This must be in recognition of losing (over) 50 pounds, of which I also take great pride. Although I'm not done. I'm not so sure I can lose the whole 85 pounds I originally set as my goal, but I won't stop before I hit a good 75-80 pounds. We'll just see. More on that tomorrow. LOL The more I lose, the slower it gets, but that's a good thing. It means I'm closer to where my body SHOULD be. It's all good. :)

So thank you, Patty! These are great awards, and I really appreciate your recognition.

I don't know if we are supposed to pay them forward, or if they are her awards only to bestow. I'll find out.

Andddddd, what do you think of my new banner? I wish I'd gotten it a few weeks ago, but oh well. I think I'll leave her up to Thanksgiving (if I can't obtain a Thanksgiving version LOL), because she could kind of be a Pilgrim too, couldn't she? OK, a sexy one, but what the hay. LOL

Have a great day, ladies! Stay true to YOUR goals!!!

Better...

2009-10-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I lost 8/10's of a pound yesterday. Not quite all of the peppercorn sauce fiasco, but close. I should log in with a one pound loss for the week for my BL contest at work this morning. Not as great as I want (I shoot for 2 lbs. each week, but haven't succeeded in that for a couple of weeks now, actually)....but sure better than nothing. I'm sure people have caught up to me by now. Oh well. I can only do what I can do. On the positive side, I'm no longer in starvation mode, so that's a good thing. I'm eating (my new) normally now. I'm not letting the contest dictate or define me anymore. Well, not as much. LOL I mean, it's still $600 or more out there at stake! I can't/won't just walk away from shooting for that!

I do admit I dipped my fork tines into that sauce again last night. I mean, a woman can sacrifice only so much, you know? Mr. Sunny got to slather his leftover steak in it. :: sigh :: I promised him and myself that come 2010, when I make that sauce again, I WILL fully enjoy it! Life is simply too short not to enjoy that sauce. Best.sauce.ever.

Had a good exercise day; 30 minutes at lunch at work, and a full HOUR last night after I got home! I rawk! That's the biggest change in me; I'm unrelentless in my need to exercise daily now. What a full, 180 degree change! That, and giving up the bulk of my carbs, is probably the biggest and best changes in my life style. Don't get me wrong; I still have a half bagel every morning six days a week....but that's about it for carbs. Occasionally I will have a dozen or so low fat Wheat Thins, or a couple of chips or tater tots, but that is it for carbs. Can't remember the last time I had a single french fry! Or a baked potato! Oh, I do have 2 onion rings fully breaded occasionally, but again, a gal has to live. LOL And I was TOTALLY addicted to carbs! Put out two plates; one with chips or warm buttered bread, and the other with ANY kind of dessert (unless it was warm brownies), and I was all over the chips/bread. I had 2 warmed dinner rolls with dinner EVERY night. EVERY night. Plus, more often than not, a fully loaded baked potato. With it running on my dad's side, I was diabetes waiting to happen. My last blood panel prior to starting down this journey was so close, they had me repeat the glucose test. Now, I'm well within the normal range. In that regard alone, I've probably extended my life by a good five years or more! woo hoo!!!!

Have a great day, ladies! Stay true to your goals!

Doh!

2009-10-26T05:46:00.001-07:00

I woke up yesterday, and was another .8 lb. down. That meant I was 1.8 lb. less than Friday morning. Then, yesterday was our anniversary. I thought I did ok. Breakfast was the normal Sunday breakfast (i.e., fine.) During football, I made HUNGRY GIRL'S supposedly GOOD onion rings, and only had half of what was supposed to be 150 calories. I did salt them everyso slightly. I also had the equivilent of about 75 calories of pretzel. Then, our anniversary dinner. We decided to eat at home, and were having steak. No biggie. I also made a kick-a peppercorn sauce recipe from my favorite fine dining restaurant. It had some kosher salt in it, and some dried beef gravy mix in it, and a small amount (1/2 cup for the entire thing, of which I ate ONLY about 3 tablespoons) heavy cream in it. I kept my steak portion to less than 8 oz., and only had a small amount of brocolli slaw and some diet dressing on it. I woke up this morning, stepped on the scale, AND HAD GAINED BACK 1.4 POUNDS. WTH?!?!?!?!?

I seriously did not eat an extra 1.4 pounds. OH! And I danced 40 minutes in the morning, and 30 minutes in the evening. I mean, WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!

So, weigh-in for the contest is tomorrow morning. I'll be luck to lose back the .4 pounds, meaning I'll be only half a pound down for the week. Sad times.

I was so excited yesterday morning. I'd thought I'd really broken through the plateau, having lost 1.8 pounds in 2 days. I felt I was back in kicking a mode. I thought I'd figured out the metabolism sluggishness and was back in full gear. I didn't think I'd cheated yesterday! Sure the sauce was high density, but I exercised so much and I still, to this minute, do NOT think I ate, for the whole day, more than 1,200 calories!!! By my excellent math, I had 750 calories for dinner to keep at 1,200 calories. I DID NOT EAT 750 calories! I could've eaten 3 Hershey's chocolate nuggets instead of the peppercorn sauce and stayed within the caloric range. Hell, I could've eaten SIX of those suckers! No way those 3 tablespoons (probably closer to two) came in over 350 calories!!! DAMMIT I'M PISSED.

:: sigh ::

Oh well, it's my anniversary, and we had a great day and dinner was fabulous! I fully intended to make that sauce every month or so, but shit, now? NOW????

Finally!

2009-10-24T08:52:00.001-07:00

FINALLY she breaks through the plateau! I didn't do anything different. At all. But I'm down a full pound from yesterday! I'll take it. LOL So that's 1.2 lb. for the week. Not stellar, but at least it's movement. With any luck, I can lose 1 more before Tuesday morning. And then, it will be 2 lb. That's all I'm shooting for during the week. It's certainly doable. phew!

AND I lost yet another half inch on my waist! I've done that 3 weeks in a row! woohoo!!!!

Very sad to hear about the passing of Soupy Sales. I ADORED him; as an older child, teenager, and young adult. His characters were all memorable, and just seeing HIS enjoyment was so fun. I don't think any one person has ever gotten more laughs out of me than Soupy Sales. White Fang, Black Tooth, Pookie, pies in the face...it just didn't get better. He will be fondly remembered FOREVER.

Have a great Saturday, everyone! Stay true to your goals!

Checking in from Plateau Headquarters™

2009-10-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah....nada. Zippo. Zilch. Nothing. Ok, maybe .2 of a pounds since SIX DAYS AGO. That, in essence, IS nothing.

Several things are for sure:

1. my calories are right where they need to be. On good days, I make 1,200 calories. I am doing my best to stay right at that mark.

2. my exercise level is fine. Half hour of dancing at lunch, half hour of dancing before dinner. Tonight is "Friday lunch out day", so no dancing at lunch, but I'll probably get 45 min. of continuous dancing in this evening.

Beyond that, I cannot explain it fully. My educated guess is that I'm having a bit of a metabolism issue because I was over-doing the low-cal thing for a few weeks for the contest. Probably most days I was at 1,000 calories. That's just too low. I knew that. I still robbed Peter to pay Paul, and now it's pay-back time. I have to allow 1,200 calories a day, but probably not a single one above that. I'm trying to mix up my exercise to help jump-start the metabolism again. But I just have to pay for my low calorie consumption 'sins.' Tis what it tis. (or not.)

Very glad it's TGIF. Our 6th anniversary is Sunday! We (me) decided we'd just stay home instead of going out to dinner. We have a concert a week from tonight, so we'll do our splurging then. We also agreed to only get each other cards. It's just a tight time now, economically. We are better off than most, but that could change on a dime, couldn't it? It will be a low-key weekend, which frankly, I adore. Time to get caught up before the real holiday push begins. I'll be good food-wise. I plan to try the peppercorn sauce that Fleming's Steak House uses that we adore for our steak dinner on Sunday, but that won't break the bank, calorie-wise. I'll be cautious the rest of the weekend.

Hope you have a great weekend, and stay true to your goals!!!

Still "Ebbing"...

2009-10-22T05:46:00.000-07:00

Same ol', same ol'.....I've lost .2 lbs since last Saturday. I've done nothing differently. Nothing. It is what it is....or, actually, it isn't what it isn't. LOL

This "ebbing" is happening so often, I'm getting used to it. Finally. Each time it starts, I tend to get so pissed off. But eventually I come around, analyze myself to make sure I'm not insidiously starting to slack off...and when I've confirmed I'm not, just continue to plug along, and eventually the cycle breaks with yet another decent loss. I wish my weight loss was more consistent like it was in the beginning. But this ISN'T the beginning any more. I'm six months in, and I've lost the really important "dangerously overweight" weight. What's left to lose is just the "nagging, ought to lose another 20 or so pounds" weight. The weight that is traditionally the hardest for anyone to lose. Add the fact I'm 8 years post-menopause with the inherent slowing metabolism and other age-related internal goings-on, and you have where I am. I have to accept that. And I'm getting there.

It's not like I'm going to stop. To stop would mean to give up on myself. To give up on good health. To give up on inner pride and a sense of accomplishment and go back to self-reproach and bad health and a shortened lifespan. Like that is going to happen? No way (/weigh LOL) in hell. This is a life path. I'm doing well, and it just is what it is. Because frankly, even when I hit the nirvana called "Maintenance", it's not like I'm going to change what I'm doing, much. Sure, I'll add a few more carbs in occasionally. I might only exercise a half hour or 45 minutes a day instead of an hour plus. But seriously? That's about the only changes I'm willing to make. I love where I am too much, inside and out. I feel too good. This is working too well, even despite weeks like this when the wheels just seem to spin and not really continue down the path like I'd like them to.

So, I continue on. I try to mix up the amount of accumulated exercise time for the day, to see if that juggle can help with the metabolism. I do an inner check on my food intake; am I sure I'm not sneaking in a few extra carbs or calories here or there? That can happen. If I'm confident that they are exactly where they are supposed to be, then I just accept that my body is in a catching up mode, and let it do what it needs to do to re-set its set point. Once it does, it will let me start losing again. It's all good. I have to respect my body's own 'mind' and need to regulate its chemistry and make-up. I can't fight its system; I just have to learn to live within it. LOL

So, I keep plugging along. The only thing making it more difficult is the contest. I had hoped I could keep up the 2 lbs. a week loss. I know I needed to, to have a chance to win. Oh vell. I can only do what I can do, and be what my body lets me be. The rest is up to kismet.

Have a great day, and stay true to your goals!!!

Ebb Time, Again...

2009-10-21T07:48:00.000-07:00

I only lost 1.6 lb. this last week, (by the contest standards.) I'm waiting to see group results; it's been 2 weeks, so who knows where I stand now.

I "GET" why this is happening. But, like the last time a couple of weeks ago...'getting it' doesn't necessarily make it any easier to emotionally take. I know my body is adjusting to the rapid weight loss of the past five weeks. I know it ebbs and flows every few weeks, adjusting to yet another new low 'set point.' It doesn't cause any waiver in my resolve, at all. I'm 2 million per cent committed to this. It just, in a nutshell, pisses me off. I accept that there is a 26-1 chance (or so) that I can win this contest. Made worse by the fact I'm the oldest person in the contest, I have probably the least amount of weight to lose, and I've already lost more, in the past six months, than the other 26 put together, probably doubled. LOL

That said, dammit, the competitive side of me is pissed. I.WANT.TO.WIN. Period. Exclamation point. Italicized, bold, underlined. What a nut I am.

And, admittedly, the past few Monday nights before the weigh in, I all but fasted through dinner. Had nothing to drink in the morning before the weigh in. Took off all of my jewelry except my wedding rings. In other words, went over the top. Out of control, in my effort TO control. Yep, guilty as charged. I'm letting the contest overtake my normal good sense. Time to stop that crap and regain my sensibilities. Time to own up. And I will.

See? I know all this. Sometimes I really do need to stop myself, slap myself upside dah head, and knock some sense back into this aging noggin.

Done.

Hope all of you are doing well. Stay true to your goals!

Six Month Anniversary

2009-10-19T22:32:00.001-07:00

So this past Sunday marked the six month anniversary of the date I started down this path to weight loss and healthy living. In those six months, I have lost 55 pounds, including 10 inches off of my waist, and 9.5 inches off of my hips. I have dropped from a size 18 (perhaps a tad more?) to a size 12. When I started, I was on the highest dose of my blood pressure medicine, Protonix 40 mg. for GERD, and Antivan (as needed) for anxiety attacks. Now, I am on the lowest dose of my blood pressure meds, and take nothing else except vitamins. I don't think I even need the bp meds, but my doc is uber cautious. LOL I have so so much more energy and stamina than I did six months ago! Best of all, I no longer fear dropping dead of a heart attack at any moment. There is no longer a guiollotine over my head. And I am proud of myself. I no longer fear the mirror or fear photos being taken. I no longer attack myself mentally and emotionally for my failures, but take pride in my accomplishments of these past six months.

AND I KNOW IT'S FOR GOOD. I will never go back to the obese, unhealthy, knocking-on-death's-door post-menopausal woman that I was. I am embracing life and my future and excited to lose even a little more weight before I begin maintenance. People no longer think I need to lose any weight, especially the amount I feel that I do. But I know what I am, what I could be, what I can and will be. It's ok. I'll be there before I know it. Of this I am sure.

I started going through my closet this morning, in part to move seasonal clothes around, and mostly to start pulling out all large and extra large tops. I'm allowing 2-3 short sleeve and 2-3 long sleeve large tops to hang on to, briefly, for kick-around-the-house tops. Everything else is being donated. GONE. Won't ever need it again!

It feels wonderful. Just wonderful. It's funny, my beginning posts here were all about being 'black and white'...not allowing any cheating, etc. I've lightened up since then...but I didn't do that until I knew I had enough faith in myself that those choices could be controlled and balanced. I didn't allow cheating until I had mastered portion control, and built in enough of a sense of guilt about it that I knew cheating would be minimal and contained. It's worked. Really worked.

Probably the biggest change has been in the area of exercise. I avoided it like the plague until six months ago. Now, days I can't fit in exercise BUG ME. Even when I'm not feeling well, I try to get in at least a half hour. Exercising has become a total way of life for me. I will vary when I do it, and for how long I do it, but exercise is a constant friend. Not only does it help with the weight loss and overall health, but what it does to relieve stress and worry for me is immeasurable.

Life is good. I'm not at goal, but I am breathing down it's neck. I am plugging away at the contest, and win or lose, will be able to drop over 20 pounds after it's 10 week run. I will be so close to goal I can taste it. I'll drop to a more reasonable pace during the holidays, go full bore in January, and reach my goal by Super Bowl Sunday in early February. Then, the life of maintenance will begin. I can't wait!

Thank you ALL for being here and helping me through this. Can't imagine having succeeded like this without you!

LOVE YOU!

55 Pounds Lost, & a Blogger award!

2009-10-17T10:01:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Katie J, for the "Gorgeous Blogger Award"...!

I did some research, and this award was created by blogger Heavenly Gorgeous, as a way to celebrate the beauty within all of us! Her rules are:

Rules:

Include the award on your blog or post
Share with everyone six interesting facts about yourself
Nominate as many bloggers as you like
Be sure to link the nominees within your post
Let them know that they received this award through their tagboards or private message them
Share the love and link this post so that everyone will know the person whom you received your award from

So, six interesting facts about me:

1. I named the NHL Ducks' mascot, Wild Wing. I won the use of a luxury suite for one game, and was brought on the ice to announce the name. However, to my chagrin, a couple of years later, someone won a contest to name a hot air balloon within the Honda Center, and won groceries for a full year. WTH? That hot air balloon doesn't even go by the name anymore; the mascot still does. The ducks phone number is 1.800.WildWing HELLO I talked to an attorney; he said you could sue them, but you are going up against Disney (at the time)...they'll just change the name, and then you have nothing. :: sigh ::

2. I am addicted to fantasy football. And I've only been playing for six weeks. LOL

3. I wish I was a photographer, professionally. Don't tell me to start now; I'm 58. In my next life. haha

4. My favorite meal of all time is BBQ'd beef ribs. With the kind of sauce that is sweet and gooey, but with a bit of a kick. I'd eat them every friggin dinner for the rest of my life, if I could. LOL

5. I only became a chocoholic in March. Do NOT ask me why; I couldn't tell you. Before that, I would pick chocolate chips OUT of chocolate chip cookies. I was always a caramel girl. Brownies were the only chocolate I liked. And what chocolate I ate, had to be milk chocolate. I HATED dark chocolate. I've done a complete 180 since; I won't eat milk chocolate, and adore dark chocolate and make sure I almost always have a tiny sliver every single day, that I enjoy with my eyes shut.

6. I am still shocked that my life has changed for good. I have zero, I mean ZERO, fears of returning to my fat ways. The change has been amazing, inside and out. I have gone from cold turkey, "keep it away" from me mindset to being a QUEEN at portion control, and just total control, period. Sometimes, being an OCD Virgo is a good thing. LOL

Now, to turn around and award it in return...to women bloggers I have come to adore and respect on a daily basis:

1. Shelley at "A Forty-Something's Weight Loss Journey"

2. Anna at "I CAN Fit Into My Pants!"

3. Sunnydaze at "I Want this Weight Off!"

4. Mango at "Mango"

5. Beerab at "This Time It's For Real"

You ladies are amazing, and I take encouragement and inspiration from you every single day, whether you are up or down, emotionally or numerically. LOL

Thanks again, Katie!!!!

OH, and I lost 55 pounds officially! 3 pounds this week officially! And another half inch off my waist, which has been the norm now for 3 weeks in a row! WOO HOO

Have a great day!!! GO USC!!!! GO ANGELS!!!!